This is related to my questions yesterday. I recently had a miscarriage but didn't even know I was pregnant till after it happened. I now know that I was carrying a child that my husband and I created but it died. I've known a number of women who suffered miscarriages and suffer they did. They were torn up about it and a few even grieved the loss of the baby. But I feel weird. While I'm a sad that our baby died, I'm not exactly broken up about it. Granted I didn't even know I was carrying a baby when I miscarried and my husband and I don't want children at this point, but is it wrong that I'm not really upset by this turn of events. Of course its sad and all. It was our first child. But I just don't feel all that horrible. Don't get me wrong. It did hurt to find out I'd been pregnant and miscarried. But that hurt lasted all of a few hours to a day. Am I in denial? Am I a bad person because I'm not that upset over losing a child?
2006-12-22 06:00:53 · 11 answers · asked by bubb1e_gir1 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
You're not a bad person at all. If you would have known you were pregnant, were excited, started thinking toward the future, planning, etc then it would probably bother you more. I think you are normal, don't be so hard on yourself. Good luck in the future!
2006-12-22 06:09:09 · answer #1 · answered by Nina Lee 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are by no means a bad person. Everyone reacts differently to situations like this. You did not know you were pregnant so you never had the chance to get all excited and brag to friends and family. You never planned out a baby room or went and spent hours looking at baby stuff. You didn't talk to your belly and experience the connection that expectant mothers feel. This is not your fault, you did not know. You also mentioned that you and your husband do not want a child right now, so you probably feel a little bit of relief and know that this child was just not meant to be. It is hard to feel upset about loosing a child when you find out it is gone before you knew it existed. I hope all goes well with you, and don't feel bad about yourself, you are completely normal!
2006-12-22 14:15:35 · answer #2 · answered by Aubrey's Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOAH! Stop beating yourself up! There's no set "way to feel" over this! Some women are devastated, others, upset, and still others only mildly disappointed. You say it wasn't time for you to have a kid, so you're kind of relieved? Nothing wrong with that! It's not like you caused it (that's another debate altogether). Even couples who've been together for years wait 'til they're ready. Some never have kids at all. There's no "rule"!
If you're young, maybe this is your "second chance" to do things that you wouldn't have been able to, if you'd had a child NOW! If you're young, you have time. Just relax, enjoy life, and your child will arrive if and when he/she is "supposed to"! :)
2006-12-22 14:11:09 · answer #3 · answered by SieglindeDieNibelunge 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, perharps your just numb right now. Give yourself a chance to grieve. You really shouldn't feel bad, or beat yourself. A lot of women do and think because they miscarried it's their fault. The fact that you don't feel guilt probably makes you a more mentally stable person.
2006-12-24 05:38:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its wrong at all. It also depends at how far along you were when you had it. I also had one and the way I looked at it was that this is natures way of taking care of a child who would not have been normal in the world. This is what are bodies do naturally for a reason.
Don't feel bad
2006-12-22 15:18:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might just be that way for you, because you didn't know you were pregnant. By the time you did, you knew it wasn't viable. Not saying this is it, but possibly since you didn't know you were pregnant you didn't start to "bond" with the baby yet and so it was a faster grieving time for you.
2006-12-22 14:36:24 · answer #6 · answered by kittynala 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not a bad person.....It would be different if you carried full term and had to bury the baby.........Right ? Although yes it was a living being, some women are different in how they react with emotions........Its on your mind or you wouldn't be asking.. Am I right ? So in your own way, you did grieve....Now your ready to go on...Maybe this is closure for you to talk about it......
2006-12-22 14:19:52 · answer #7 · answered by Missy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not a bad person. It is hard to grieve for something you never had. When we grive a mc we also grieve for the hopes and dreams that went along with it, since you didnt have those hopes and dreams (as you didnt know and were not trying) you may not be affected the same way as some others
2006-12-22 14:04:22 · answer #8 · answered by misa1233 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are normal, especially since you weren't trying & aren't ready for children. I had a scare 2 months after I was married...I thought I was pregnant & I was upset about it. We weren't ready for children we just wanted to enjoy ourselves for a little bit before we started trying. You definately are not a bad person...I do believe that things in life happen for a reason & when you are both ready for children it will happen!
2006-12-22 14:13:13 · answer #9 · answered by can't wait! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone is different hun...and i think that god knew that the 2 of you weren't ready yet other wise you would still be pregnant. i had a miscarriage as well and didn't know i was pregnant till i had lost it and was the same as you are now. don't put too much on yourself and no one but you and your hubby need to know so that everyone else don't put pressure on you to feel badly too. good luck and happy holidays=)
2006-12-22 14:14:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋