My wife is bipolar. she is on meds now but it doen't make a big change in how she talks to me or the kids. She can act totally sane infront of strangers or immediate family, people who she isn't around very often, but the rest of us catch hell all the time. My son, the youngest of three, seems to be her main taget for verbal abuse, then me. Our oldest daughter was the target until she moved out at 18 years old. Our middle daughter seems to have been skipped over. Has anyone else experienced something like this and if so how did you deal with it other than divorce?
2006-12-22 05:36:55 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I stayed with my wife for 20 years but it became unbearable. Interestingly enough, I am a nurse and work in a psyc hospital. The issue of my wife's bipolar illness was brought up by a doctor at a party. In a sense, I was the last one to find out even though I work in the field. The verbal abuse is phenomenal. I love my wife but could no longer tolerate her telling me that I was a worthless person. Unfortunately it gets worse with age. I have since left the relationship with much pain and remorse because I was brought up in a era where you didn't abandon someone who was "ill". After all, if your spouse lost her ability to walk in an automobile accident, would you still be there? I know this is convoluted but it is different. Manic depressive illness is insidious because the recipients are the last to find out that they need help. They like their "highs". My only suggestion is work on taking care of yourself first because only then can you have the energy to take care of anyone else.
2006-12-22 16:06:55 · answer #1 · answered by jahmas001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a stealth abuser. Only behind the doors of home. Hides it from the rest of the world. My wife is like that too.
She can't say she can't help it, because she controls it from the rest of the world, right?
Anyways, I'm trying to avoid divorce but were separated because I can't take it anymore. Couseling suggest that I do the opposite of what I'm doing to resolve our issues. So, I'm trying that now. I am usually compassionate and listen to her whining complaints about everything. Now, I cut her off and change the subject. Not sure the results, but she getting the hint that I'm tired of her compulsive complaining and accussations. I hope it works out, but I don't know if someone like that can actually change. She changed once, for a short while but went right back like she use to be. I thinks it's like this.........we have to deal with it or get out. Hate to be negative, but I really think they are like that and that is all there is to it.
2006-12-22 13:47:08 · answer #2 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father was bi-polar and so was my ex-husband. My father did the exact same thing. He'd be fine in front of other people but then at home we all caught hell. Actually, my mom and I got the bulk of the abuse, which was all verbal/emotional. It was really really bad though. He didn't really do anything to my older sister or to my younger brother. My mom finally left him after 25 years. My ex-husband was the same way, and I could not handle it. I couldn't see myself living like my mom did. I left him after just a few years.
2006-12-22 13:53:54 · answer #3 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife might need her meds adjusted. It can take many tries to find the right combo or dose of meds. She also needs to be in some kind of therapy, so she can learn to recognize her symptoms before they get out of control. I suggest talking with her about it, and asking her if she would mind you going to Dr. appt with her... sometimes they dont see what we see, and dont think to tell the doctor. I applaud you for standing by your wife... Good Luck!
Also, there is a foundation in my area, that has a website. They can direct you to resources in your area... for the whole family.
Just search for the Karla Smith Foundation... they are wonderful people.
2006-12-22 13:51:03 · answer #4 · answered by DitziD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do. My husband has just been diagnosed with it after six years of trying to tell the doctor that something is wrong. We have two children 4 and 8mths. He constantly takes his anger out on us, but not physically. I am at the end of my rope as well. This is his last chance. I also feel guilty about it because it is not his fault so I have tried to help him as much as I can, but like you I'm tired.
2006-12-22 15:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by Flirty A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through this same thing right now and it is living HELL. I am going to be divorcing. I have tried to hold his hand, help him by supporting him in a loving way, going to appointments, but in the end he didn't take his medication. It is very hard to deal with, is very destructive to the whole family, and remember, she is taking a toll on your children. Mental illness IS hereditary, and she is not being a roll model for your children IF she is not getting the help she needs. I admire you for sticking by her, as nobody asks for this disease, but, if she is not helping herself and hurting your children, you are their last effort. Life is so full of beautiful things that you forget to see when you are going through this, and get drug down by the pain. My husband has been violent at times, not at me as much, but throwing things, explooosive temper, life is always walking on eggshells. There comes a time when you need to decide if you want to go through the pain anymore? Only you can decide that, but remember, your children have only one chance to be raised in a loving environment, give them the best start possible. If your situation is anything like mine, your self-worth has suffered, but you can rise above this, believe in yourself again, and get out....
2006-12-22 13:46:56 · answer #6 · answered by chillylilfilly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I haven't but I will say a prayer for you all.
God Bless
2006-12-22 13:40:43 · answer #7 · answered by bridgette c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋