Is there a worse thing in the world that could have happened? I am so sad I am going to puke?

Question

My wife has told me she doesn't love me anymore. She says she hasn't for years she has just been trying to be a good wife.
We met 12 years ago and married in 99. She had two tiny kids who I have raised as my own. I married her and did not father any children to take care of her and hers. I helped her get through school and get a great career from a poor single mother to a 2600 sqft house.
I had no idea until recently. A year ago she told me I needed to show her I loved her more. Ever since I have done things like love u emails, flowers left in her car, presents at work etc. I have never EVER cheated on her in any way.
She wants me to stay for the now teenage kids and she likes having sex with me. I am her f-buddy and financial partner now. She swears she never cheated and I believe her. She says I did nothing wrong and was a perfect husband.
My heart is in shreds. I can barely go out in public without crying or even vomiting.
Why would she do this to me?
:(

:(

Please don't call her names I love her.

She wasn't mad when she said it. She planned to tell me - got the kids out of the house and sat me down. She cried her head off because I think she felt bad watching me turn into a heap of tears.

Answer 1

That is so sad how people can play with someone heart and use them. I feel, for you and if it true what you say about yourself then she a loser. I can imagine staying when she told you she doesn't love you it will be hard with that on your mind every day. I know what I would do leave and start a new life. There are women out there who would love to find a jewel like you. Good luck.

Answer 2

All I can say is that time heals all wounds. It may take years but life will come easier. Perhaps you can take time off work, maybe on a medical. You should go to a doctor and let him know that you need something to calm you down because your world has just been dumped upside-down. Cry all you want. It actually helps. Eventually you will cry yourself out and become numb.

Next, when you get to that point, you need to consider divorce. Someone else mentioned staying around and raising her kids and paying the bills isn't good. Well, it's not. Don't let her use you like that. She has a good job now. Let her support herself and her kids. In Texas she would get half of all belongings. If this is the case I suggest you sell the house. If she gets it in the divorce and your name is on the mortgage it can prevent you and your next wife from buying a house. And, she can ruin your credit if she lets the home go into foreclosure.

Don't be fooled about supporting the kids. You did a good thing. But now they are teenagers and they are not your responsibility.

You will move past this. I sincerely hope you get some medical help. It's horrible to be so hurt like this. I know if it were me I'd at least call in sick for a few days, not climb out of my pj's and climb into a bottle. But, that's what I would do.

Good luck. There are a lots of women out there who would love a man like you. Don't stay where you're not loved.

Answer 3

I'm terribly sorry... You seem like an amazing and rare guy and I don't understand why women so often give up guys like you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news..but (and this is just an idea, there is no way of knowing for sure) maybe she was never completely in love with you..She might have been in love with the idea of you..or maybe was even looking for financial security since she had kids. Maybe she lost the feeling of the initial excitement of a new relationship. But it sounds to me like it was for financial and more selfish reasons. She didn't want to be alone, and she needed help with money.

As far as staying in the relationship..well, sweetie..I think that would cause more harm than good. It's obviously killing you, and if the only reason you are staying with her is for the kids and for her "sexual desires", you need to end it. There is so much more to marriage than that. Sure, marriage isn't the picture perfect portrait of butterflies and excitement that is portrayed on television, but there should be a deeper kind of love, commitment, and friendship than that. The things that she has kept your relationship lacking.

Ending the relationship wont be the end. It may seem like the last thing in the world you want to do..but you are being used. That is not fair to you at all. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship that they are loved for who they are, not what they provide. You can still be there for the kids, but what good would it do you to still be in a relationship and miserable, while being around them? It will harm them too.

I don't know what else to say except to try and take yourself out of the sadness long enough to assess this situation in a logical manner, instead of engulfed in misery. You need to realize what is best for you, as she seems to be doing that enough for herself as it is.

I wish you the best, and I hope that you find the route of going about things that will work out the best...Good Luck, and God Bless.

Answer 4

that just happened to my friend too. when he met his now wife she had 2 kids. some how she convinced him to marry her after 1 month. they have been together for 4 years now. they don't love each other and both have cheated on each other, and the both don't know. he raises her kids, supports her and her drinking habbit and pill habbit. wel told him that she was just using him and not to marry her but at the time he believed that she was the love of his life. i know that is is hard to hear but she was using you dude. no one deserves that espicially you. you put so much in to that relationship and you were blind the whole time. you are a great man with a big heart give it to someone who deserves it and will appricate it. it is hard to get up and walk away from everything you know and love and value so much, but the truth is that this is not healthy for you. i know you love your wife and the kids but why let yourself feel this way. sometimes you have to consider how you feel not everybody else. your wife didn't consider your feelings. she used you so she wouldn't have to raise HER kids alone. that's how my friends wife is. dude life will go on. it will hurt for a while, but it will go on. take a break from relationships for a while and get an awesome hobby like fishing, hockey, surfing, karite, bungie jumping, anything that you like to do, something with people. new people is a good way to get over this stuff. new people have differnt outlooks and opinions on life which gets you thinking and that's what you should be thinking, new and interesting concepts, not what used to be. and you can stay in contact with the kids, after all you raised them. there is the phone and email. and now that they are teenagers they will have cars so you all could meet up somewhere. you are not unluck **** just happens, and sometimes there is nothing to do about it. i wish you the best of luck. it will get better i promise. merry christmas

Answer 5

This is a horrible thing, it has happened to me. I had real true love and he said he just wasn't happy. I thought my whole life was meaningless. It will get better in time, a long time.
But for now you need to do what is right for you. You can not remain in the same House with her. She isn't going through the heartache and pain you are. I truly believe you need to move on and out. (You or her) If you stay, you are selling yourself short of healing and becoming who you need to be on your own. She only needs you for financial and sexual and to be a father. Doesn't say much for your worthiness. You can be a father and don't turn your back on the kids, they deserve more. Keep your head up and try to accept that it's not your fault, it just is what it is, life. I will say a prayer for you and your family. God Bless and trust that everything will be alright.

Answer 6

Unfortunately no one can be blamed for their feelings. Now is the time for you to decide if you want to stay. You have done everything you could for the relationship. The best thing is that she was honest. Only someone who REALLY cares would be honest with you. Sometimes the truth hurts.

Ask yourself will you be happy knowing what you know if you decide to stay? She can't have her cake and eat it to. It doesn't work like that.
No one can tell you what to do expect yourself and don't try to force her to love you.

Both of you need to sit down a openly discuss what to do about the relationship. You have to go into it with a strong heart and realize that you may get hurt. But time will heal the wound. You both deserve to be happy and maybe that is not with each other. Be realistic..

Answer 7

I am very sorry for you...
Not much words can help I am afraid...
Don't loose your self esteem, please.
I think the problem is that you were quite balanced to start with while she was in all kinds of troubles...
And you were, without ever realising it, like a perfect Santa Claus to her...
There are therapies to help you get out of it and one of them could explain that you are a kind of partner playing the role of the saver...
For a while she was a kind of victim but couldn't face the fact that after sometime the things has changed...
On one hand she couldn't find the courage to tell you, on the other, she was afraid to get back to be alone with the kids...
Excuse me, because you might resented what I am going to tell, she might even feel like suffocating...
But of course like many mothers she would think first to protect her kids...
You ask us not to call her name and this is the reason why I try to understand...
But as I say, few words of strangers can help to reconstruced your life at this stage...
Beside, her kids have grown to be like yours...
So, it is not only a wife, a family, a business, it is a whole life falling apart...
And the most crazy thing is, as I have been through that feeling, that if you are strong enough, you go on first like the survivor of a terrible wreckage...
Back to life, first life!
Then friendship...
And one day you hear yourself laughing, yes! Laughing...
It feels akward, it feels strange.
It feels good.
Still, after all those years,I am not yet ready to be truly involved in a new love relationship, though...

Answer 8

That's really bad my friend. I think I understand some of what might be feeling. I'm not implying your nut's so don't take this the wrong way. You need to see your doctor right now. Don't wait because the way your feeling can lead to health issues and other problems. All this will probably pass, women do some pretty wierd things sometimes. Get people that are trained to help you not in a yh chat room. GOD BLESS YOU man!

Answer 9

Because you let her.... You need to get honest and real.. you do not stay in any relationship because of the kids...
Why on earth would anyone want to be in a one sided relationship.
You are being used and you are allowing it to happen.
It is time for her to move out and find her own place.
Don't worry about the kids, they will be fine. .You have been a great father and still are. How she feels about you has changed the dynamics of the relationship.
this will kill your spirit and self confidence, if you stay. I can understand your devastation...
She now has an education and can fend for herself.
Your job is done here and you need to go and see a lawyer....NOW...

Answer 10

You should read your question to yourself. Don't ask your self why she did this to you. You need to see everything that you did in that relationship to make it work. You took care of HER children, you married her, you never cheated. YOU DID YOUR JOB. Now it's time to move on. Unless...you like having sex with someone that reminds you that she is pimping you for money and occasional sex. And I can't judge that because many of us have stayed in bad relationship because of sex and being familiar with the person we have been with. I understand it's hard to start over. But when you are ready...it's someone else who is waiting to be WONDERFUL to you, it's another women who is waiting to be EVERYTHING you were to your wife. It's an other women waiting for someone to be good to her. Don't leave your happiness waiting while you allow your wife who TOLD you she doesn't love you any more to rape you of your true value. Now if you are not ready to move on, man up and get everything YOU need from your wife. Then when it's time...BOUNCE! The kids are older and the truth is out. What are you going to do with it?