Can I save my Marriage?

Question

I have known my wife for 3 years, married for 2 Years and father of a 1 year old. After the baby my wife is not interested in sex. If we do it is more of a chore and she does not like to be held after she had her orgasm. I let her know that she is still beautiful, she worries about her stretch marks belly fat and her god knows what, but does not do anything about her food habits to make a difference. This tension has been building up and Couple of months ago I had an affair with a coworker, that is over and behind me now. I do love my wife and my boy, I wish we could get back to good times before we decide to move on. I am not selfish and dont want to leave my wife over sex, even though sex is very important to a marriage.

She does not know of my affair with a co-worker.

Answer 1

Welcome to marriage.

Answer 2

Brian,

First off, you were wrong for stepping out of the marriage. Now, what you need to do is, if your wife don't know about the "fling", confess and accept the punishment. She will either forgive you or not. But you must confess if she don't know so you have a clear conscious and can start over with a clean slate. Then NEVER repeat your ignorant actions ever again, no matter what.

Now after you have done the above, remember the days when you & your wife were brand new in love? It was a great feeling huh? Well make her fall in love with you all over again. Do & say (only what you mean) the things you told her then. Make her feel she is your queen of your heart & life.

Some suggestions-

Romantic dinners

Weekend get aways

Love letters

Flowers

Jewelry

Breakfast in bed

Run her a candle lit bath & give her her favorite cocktail while bathing. How about washing her back for her too while your at it.

How about a homemade coupon book with "offers" she can redeem at a later date. Offers of dinners cooked by you, chores completed by you, a romantic dinner at a nice restaurant, etc. You get what I am saying, right?

You can do soooooooooo much without going broke too, many thngs are free. Be creative.

Now for the sake of the family, I hope you take my suggestions and all works out well. But I can tell ya, cheating on a woman is a baaaaad move!! If she is not a forgiving woman, she can make your life hell if she so chooses.

Good luck to you & Happy Holidays to you & yours!!

Mary

Answer 3

You would have to work awful hard to regain her trust and interest in you sexually after you demean her by sleeping with someone else. I am sure she feels very insecure over it. If you suppose you are going to go back to the way things were after only having an affair two months ago (and having a baby for only one year!) you got a lot to learn in life. This is the consequences of being a bad husband right into a brief marriage. You suddenly discover you want back what you did everything to ruin? Do the work! (and her food habits are none of your concern....be more concerned about her emotional health after you crushed her)

Answer 4

Sex is not the most important thing in a marriage. Physical appearance fades with the years and we all grow old and sometimes flabby if we do not keep ourselves fit and exercise and take care of ourselves as we should. If you love your wife and little boy then stay with her and talk to her about waht is going on between the two fo you and communicate your feelings. Communication is everything and if you don't communicate your feelings then how ill she or you know what the other is feeling or thinking? Tale to one another for the sake of your marriage and your son. Remember what you and she does or doesn't do will directly affect your son for the good or bad.

Answer 5

You need to woo your wife all over again and show her she is important. Running off and having affairs is the surest way to turn a partner off. It is selfish and nasty and what you are telling her is do or die. I think its insensitive to say the least, however I understand why you chose to go that route.

You need to mature, both of you in your relationship. Marriage is not a joke but a serious commitment between two people. You promised to honor and look after her only and not a string of lovers to boot! Learn to have respect for one another.

Now you will have to prove yourself to her and go that extra mile to woo her back especially if you love her. Bear in mind you have a child too. Nothing is ever unable to be fixed. You need to forgive her for her reaction to you and also walk in her shoes to understand what you have done to her and in time she will forgive you for your disloyalty to her. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a choice. If you cannot forgive each other how then can God forgive you? However that means never doing what you did again and I mean never. Run from temptation. Adultery was treated with stoning in biblical times. Stay within the boundaries of your choice, marriage! God hates divorce.

This is going to be tough but if you have any backbone, you will accept this challenge and fight for the woman you chose to live with you forever.

Seek help from a pastor or a counselllor but dont think this will all come right by itself. There is always a consequence to ever choice we make. If you want good seek the right thing and run with it. Come on, lets face it, its not so hard as you think. Become accountable and do it for your kid. You made that kid so be a good dad in return and a good husband too. Your child needs both of you and to be brought up in love not in disharmony.

I really wish you well. Nothing is impossible to those who believe in God. Face the giants and become accountable. You can win your lady back. THe first thing to do is say I AM SORRY FOR HURTING YOU. Make a commitment to her and keep your word.

Answer 6

I would tell you to hang in there, but the baby is a year old and your wife should have bounced back by now. You can suggest she get professional help for her depression, but she may not want to. Life is too short. Talk to your wife and let her know you're not happy. If she doesn't do something about the situation, find the courage to leave. Women like this will keep you on a tight rope for years. Get your divorce and go on with your life.

Answer 7

Women(some)tend to drift away from sex as marriage progresses ,as do some men.Having an affair only creates more distrust and unfufillment.Having children alters a woman's body and she needs much ,much more reassuring at this point.If your wife were to lose body parts would you then have affairs or leave her?Treat this the same way and find your solution!!

Answer 8

Hi, First I would like to say if you love your wife so much but you are not happy with whats going on and you kown you can do better to make your marriage better then do whatever it takes . ask your wife what is it that made her become this way and is it a way you could help fix it.....Now if you are not welling to fix it and all your mind is on is sex then how can you fix whats brokeing if you don't try?....and then again if you is giving it all you got to help the problem and she is acting as if she don't really care and you know you can't help the marriage then move on because it would be a waste of time to fix what CAN"T be fix....I hope you take the right step....GOOD Luck!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

I don't answer many of these but you seem to need some help here.....hope this explains a few things.


Can you save this marriage? Of course. But you have to realize something.... firstly, women are "victims of their juices" as are men, but in reverse presentations......, and by that is meant that women just aren't as driven as are men --- estrogen is no match for testosterone, sweetie. Even women who takes estertest (a combination of estrogen and testosterone) , still don't have the drive men do. Marriage is Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust---- the four biggies.....and usually sex won't break up a marriage, any more than it will save it. And, if you aren't a scientist or an historian, realize that guys are breeders -- that's what males do. Evolutionarily, males are meant to breed anything that will hold still, so females have hardly a chance to keep up with you....... This of course isn't going to placate you, but it might give you some insight. (As for the affair, swallow it, hon. Never never confess it.... The trust by your wife will absolutely evaporate... you made one mistake, don't make another by the big confession, and expect to get forgiven.... nope, not gonna happen.)

After a child is born, nature makes sure a woman's drive is ebbed ---big time-- evolutionarily she is not prepared to feed two mouths, so to enhance the first child's chance at survival, nature puts the stops of sexual urges.

Remember, civilization as we know it, with one man with one woman is less than 2000 years old. Other civilizations allowed men several wives and several harems, etc.(Egypt, Middle East, China Japan, civilizatons in Africa, etc. Only since Hebrew times in Western Civ, has it been one wife to one husband.... in many ways, difficult for both.....)

So, your situation makes absolute perfect sense if/'when viewed thru the eyes of history and evolution....

Helpful?

Answer 10

Sorry man, you don´t love your wife and neither your children, why did you had an affair????, What´s the point of it??., You behave your self as a macho instead of trying to figure things out with your wife.
If you really want to recover your marriage be honest, first with yourself, and with your wife. You have to be really patient, your marriage is young, and it is built through the years, so talk to her, about what you both need and desire from each other, work on it, you got to have a lot of communication and confidence.
Good LUCK and merry Christmas from MEXICO

Answer 11

Instead of having an affair, you should have spent more time alone together. Taken her out away from the house and away from the baby for a date. You go to work each day and get out, you have no idea what it's like to stay home with the baby day after day. She needed to get out and feel like a woman again, feeling like a mommy 24/7 will kill anyones sex drive. You made her feel worse by going to another woman.