Is there a worse thing that could have happened in this world? Merry ***** Xmas?

Question

My wife has told me she doesn't love me anymore. She says she hasn't for years she has just been trying to be a good wife.
We met 12 years ago and married in 99. She had two tiny kids who I have raised as my own. I married her and did not father any children to take care of her and hers. I helped her get through school and get a great career from a poor single mother to a 2600 sqft house.
I had no idea until recently. A year ago she told me I needed to show her I loved her more. Ever since I have done things like love u emails, flowers left in her car, presents at work etc. I have never EVER cheated on her in any way.
She wants me to stay for the now teenage kids and she likes having sex with me. I am her f-buddy and financial partner now. She swears she never cheated and I believe her. She says I did nothing wrong and was a perfect husband.
My heart is in shreds. I can barely go out in public without crying or even vomiting.
Why would she do this to me?
:(

:(

Please don't call her names I love her.

Answer 1

omg I am in tears.....I feel for you. People do fall in out of love, I don't know how when you love someone, you love them, the great person they are, the friendship your share, the memories and the life time of secrets and joys. This is so upsetting to me, I really do hope se is just confused and comes to realize she loves you more then life. I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Talk to someone, anyone, you need someone right now.

Best if luck
Jenn

Answer 2

This is the best advise that u are gonna get....
Take some time appart. You make the dessision that you want to take the time appart before she does. Pack ur bags and move in with a budy or get a hotel room. Take atleast a couple of weeks. Talk to her as little as possible, visit the kids to show her u are a great f'n guy and show her that she will miss u. U have to take controll and be a man. I'm not trying to say that u have not been one because it souds like u are a great provider, but show her u got the balls to leave her and that she will not be the one calling the shots when it comes to this.
Do it the week after new years. Make it easy on yourself and get a hotel room right next to wherever u work. u will be going straight to work and back and needing to relax and rest a lot. It's gonna be hard, but u gotta do it before she does otherwise she will be the one really calling the shots.
I hope u follow through.
By the end of the break she will be realizing what she is missing and know how stupid she is being.

Answer 3

So she told you all this, but she wants the two of you to stay together, still have sex and raise the kids, not have sex with anyone else.............I am trying to figure out how this is different from 75% of the marriages in the world.

I am sure it sucks to be told that your wife doesn't love you anymore, but this whole thing doesn't make sense. Why would she say this, yet still want you to be a couple? How were you acting before, that made her tell you that you needed to show her you love her more? Is the only thing you changed was to buy her stuff? Maybe you don't do the little things like help with laundry and other housework? Maybe you seem preoccupied with making money and getting nice things? What you wrote focused an awful lot on financial things and possessions.

I think the answer is in there somewhere if you look in the right place. Maybe you need to get yourself a counselor and talk to them to see what part of this is you, and then get help figuring out how to get a handle on this. If you are still living together and doing all the things you described, she may just be giving you a wake up call. You better answer it before she just wants you out of her life. Maybe you can get her to go to counseling with you, even if it is just so she can share how she feels to help you understand, even if she already has her mind made up.

Answer 4

Brother, I can sympathize. I went through a similar situation with my divorce in '96, was a bread winner and clueless that something was amiss in her opinion. She had one child and we produced another that was about six and just starting school when she told me something similar. Hers was "I think I need my freedom."
But look here, this doesn't mean that you've failed although you'll likely spend a few years considering it, then maybe swinging outward and blame all women...I know I did. It sounds to me like you were doing your part, taking care of your end, and the failure lies on her inability to make a considerate and unconditional committment, if that really even exists.
Now is the time for you to think of your own well being, sir. If you think she was wrong in her decision or believe you've done your best, or your sincerest best effort, maybe you shouldn't fuss about it, even spend too much time thinking about it. You can spend years stewing on it but sooner or later you have to shut that book and open another.
If she says she doesn't love you and only stays for the kids, let's face it, she's just another user.
Look again, find a good woman and, when things seem to be falling together, discuss this thing.
People change over time. All of us get lazy in relationships or build up a sort of ignorance to the other's needs. The two combined create a gap between what is and the "perfect" counterpoint.
Try again, brother. Nobody's perfect.

Answer 5

ok this sucks for certain but you need to decide what you will do.

A, Be her Fbuddy and see how long this lasts but remember there is no longer any committment.

B, you can sack up and get on with your life. You can and will find someone better even though it does not seem possible now.

Better that this happen without any kids that you fathered be involved in this.

You still have your health so although this is tough do not feel too sorry for yourself.

Now about her, she is not doing what is in the best interest of her children and that makes her a bad person. This is just the way it is. Her number one duty is her kids and she is not telling you everything I can assure you of that.

Answer 6

What a sad sad situation. She obviously has some issues going on that need to be addressed. I can sympathize because on my second year anniversary, my husbands wife called me from his work cell phone to tell me that she was the woman that had been s------ and f------ my husband for 8 months - I had just had a serious surgery, and she was with him on our anniversary, we had been together over 20 years. I do understand where you are coming from. It is your ultimate call, but I say, don't try to keep someone that does not want to be kept! As far as staying for the children, you will be doing more harm than good if there is not a mutual love there. The children will pick up on it eventually. Hope you are able to work it all out. Good Luck.

Answer 7

At this time of year, or any time of year, the kind of news you have received is VERY bad. I guess you must have gone through your married life with blinders on. Think about it!! There must have been signs. Unless you were so obsessed with the sex that you didn't have a clue.
If you have a good family relationship with the children, and they are now teenagers, than sit them down, and tell them that the love between you, and your mother no longer exists. She doesn't love you anymore.
You can not blame yourself for a failed marriage if you didn't have a clue.

Answer 8

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hear the sadness in your words. Sometimes life really stinks. But if you would take a moment to look back on all the hard times you have had and the outcomes usually you are able to see the why and the reason behind them. I would say at this moment in your life God has you sitting in on an extended lesson. Hang in there, don't give up, and you will be greatly rewarded.

Answer 9

I dont know what to say. Wow. To b realistic i think she just likes to have her cake and eat it! Your being used to a certain extent and if ur happy to do this thats ur business but i wouldnt. Dont u want to find someone who will love u just as much back? Uv been a fab hubby from what uv said and other women would love a guy as good as u. Ur wife has become so used to it its like ur part of the furniture that she can rely on. Wen my partner left me i felt sick and wouldnt go out i loved him so much but we managed to work things out. I hope u can do the same if not please dont be forced to stay where ur not happy or if u r sure ur wife doesnt want to b with u in a loving way let her go for ur own sake. Be happy.

Answer 10

You need to get a legal divorce and it will take time to heal. If she uses you for financial reasons and your connection to the kids that is going to completely ruin your life forever. You are upset and devastated but she obviously wants out, so it will be best to make sure both of you divorce and move on, other wise it will drag on forever without closer or resolution, you need to find someone that will appreciate and love you. It's going to be a long road but you can make it. Do not be taken advantage of more then you already have, you must move on. Be Brave, you will make it and it will get better, Good Luck.