I have a friend that wants to hang out with me. However, she keeps calling me at the last mintue. Like last night, she calls me at about 9ish and asked me if I want to have dinner with her this Friday night. I told her I already have plans. Sometimes, she call me on the day she wants to hang out and see if I'm avaliable. This also bothers me. I like to make plans in advance. I feel irritated that she waits to the last mintue to call me and see if I want to hang out. Do I have a right to feel annoyed? What can I say to her to make her stop trying to make plans at the last mintue?
2006-12-22 04:39:19 · 17 answers · asked by brooke992002 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You have a right to feel annoyed, however, that's your problem not hers. If it is just who she is, you don't have a right to try and change her. If it doesn't work for you say no and explain that if she'd had contacted you sooner, you would have loved to have gone.
If you want to maintain the relationship, invite HER to do things with you in a time frame that works for YOU.
She just may be a last-minute planner and you aren't or it could even be you are Plan B - she waits to see if better plans pan out first. You just have to decide if that is a quality you can live with in a friend. If not, move on and find someone who likes to make plans in advance too.
2006-12-22 04:50:19 · answer #1 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you told her explicitly that you prefer to get more notice than she's been giving you? You may think that she should know, but sometimes with some people you have to spell the issue out exactly. Politely, of course, and with as much tact as you can summon, but in terms where no misunderstanding is possible.
Such as:
"Polly, I really enjoy doing things with you, but I'm not a spur-of-the-moment kind of person. I'm sorry that I'm so anal this way, but I can enjoy things more if you give me more notice than you've been giving me when you call me to hang out together. I know you're a spontaneous person and that makes it hard for you, but can we meet halfway? How can we work this out?" and then talk about it.
(BTW, I'm the same way: I don't like being called to do something on a moment's notice. Even if it's something I love doing and want to do, my knee-jerk reaction to being invited at the last moment is to say "no" and I have to really fight myself to go along. I much prefer doing things that are planned in advance.)
2006-12-22 04:47:38 · answer #2 · answered by Karin C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think you have the right to feel annoyed, especially if you think that she does it out of lack of concern for your personal plans and/or out of the assumption that you have nothing better to do than to wait for her call.
But remember that strong friendships also allow a certain level of spontaneity, which is ok, too. Knowing her, you are the only one that can make the determination about which attitude she comes from.
If you feel like you should talk to her, just be honest about what you think. Tell her that you appreciate her wanting to hang out with you, but that you would rather plan ahead, together, activities and things to do whenever possible.
Good luck!
2006-12-22 05:00:31 · answer #3 · answered by Valєηtiηa ☆ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both have different expectations of what is right and wrong in a friendship. her ideas are more loose while yours are organized. if anything, i think i am like your friend. i'll call my other friends just to see if they want to hang out. sometimes it doesnt work out because of the last minute, but usually we have a great time together. i dont think its a bad thing that she calls at the last minute but if it annoys you then you should tell her. theres no need to get into any sort of fight over something this small
2006-12-22 04:48:47 · answer #4 · answered by ♥christmas time 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all think and work differently and have different personalities. Realize you friend is a spontaneous person and you are not. Don't get annoyed... have a conversation... tell her you like to do things together but are a planner. Spontaneity isn't your thing. If she is a true friend she will understand... just as you should understand her lack of planning. Work it out... communicate... a friend is worth the effort.
2006-12-22 04:44:13 · answer #5 · answered by weareonvacation 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over yourself! If it were a date, yes then you can feel annoyed, but this is a girlfriend! Maybe she doesn't plan ahead the way you do, maybe she is a "fly by the seat of her pants" type. Geez, lighten up! If you have a good time with her, what difference does it make if she calls you several days in advance?
2006-12-22 04:44:02 · answer #6 · answered by Bev 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she just hangs with you when there is nothing better to do. If she was a true friend she would understand you like to plan things. Give her another chance and try to plan something together. If she backs out, lose her!
2006-12-22 04:43:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah you do. that is annoying. Tell her next time she does it "yeah i'd love to but i already have plans. Its really hard for me to do the spur of the moment thing. MAybe we could hang out next week? wHen are you free?" that way you can make the plans, and give her the hint taht you don't do the "call up three hours before you wanna hang out" thing
2006-12-22 04:42:50 · answer #8 · answered by sunkist3122 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit being so anal. Not everybody is a planned as you. She is probably wishing you would relax a bit and make a spontaneous plan. life can not always be marked on your calander. Venture out and get wild, go to dinner without a plan. Quit judging her for something that makes her fun.
2006-12-22 04:45:36 · answer #9 · answered by bridgette c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you do have the right to feel annoyed. Just tell her how you feel about her makeing plans at the last minute and if she doesn't understand then obviously she's not a good friend.
2006-12-22 04:43:20 · answer #10 · answered by Baby girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋