Need some insight...?

Question

My hubby and I have been married for only 1 1/2 yrs. but together for 3 1/2 yrs. We have 2 very small children together, and I have 2 children f/ first marriage. The problem is all we do is fight. About my kids, money, who gets less sleep, (I am a stay-at-home mom, he works 50 hrs/wk).We sleep separately. The final straw was today, when he didn't turn in some info to the insuranc co. that I asked him to do mos ago, and now we have to pay for things that should've been covered. I love him, but I think the stress is becoming too much. Should I leave him and raise 4 kids on my own, (I raised the first 2 alone, so I know I can do it), or should I try one more time? Obviously I think he has good pts or I wouldn't have married him. He helps w/ the little ones, he provides all the money for the bills, (though I actually pay them, or they wouldn't be on time), and I know he loves me, is faithful, and he comes home every night. Help?

I'm following everyone's line of thinking here. But as far as the dropped ins. problem, it was about my husband letting his h.r. dept. know about the birth of our daughter and he told me he informed them, he did not. And as far as the tiredness, I work a part-time job on the weekends for $ for extras and I don't see him getting up w/ the kids at night. I don't want a divorce by any means. I guess what I am looking for is advice on how to say what I mean, what I want f/ him, w/o sounding like a fishwife, and w/o hurting his feelings or manhood.

P.S. We have tried a counselor, and I felt I could say what I felt then, b/c I had a compass to gauge if what I was feeling was legitimate. Or if I was just being a b**ch.

Answer 1

i think counseling would benefit you both,,you both see things differently and need to see what the other sees within the relationship,,it doesnt actually seem your marriage is over it just seems a little lost but you do talk of coping without him as if to lose the marriage is nothing,,have you sat and opened up to him or are you the sort who builds up the walls to protect yourself? talking with someone who doesnt know you can work wonders so give it a try,you need to get your 'team' running together again and maybe a small holiday could help blow the cobwebs away and give both of you some space and much needed time together.

Answer 2

Ok, he works 50 hrs a week. He helps with the kids. and he's faithful. And you're pissed about a bill that he didn't take care of months ago, when you just said, "(though I actually pay them, or they wouldn't be on time.) Sounds like you might have dropped the ball on this one deary.
You should be the one taking care of all the bills if he's the one making all the money for (YOUR) family. If you we're working a day job plus the kids, I would totally understand. But, you're not. So, I suggest keep doing what your doing and stay married. My wife and I almost divorced, and were separated 5 months ago and reunited (hence my nickname), for the same reasons you're freaking out right now. Just chill and have a good Christmas with your kids. They don't need to hear and see the fighting between you two this time of year. Focus on the new year, and what you two can work on together to make it better and easier on the both of you.

Answer 3

there is a lot of stress and immense difficulty in any marrige, yours is no different. Problems regarding kids, money, bills, overworked parents are actualy the norm in a lot of marriges versous the bliss, peace and neverending romance we girls read about in fairy tales.
It's tough on both of you, no question. It is a huge challange raising one kid. let alone four.
Your life is hectic and there are a lot of responsibilities, and first and formost, before you break up this marrige find a moment to yourself and know this: You are a part of a team, a family and are in a stable marrige. You two, for what it seems like, still love each other. So first of all, here are some sugestions:
1)Do not sleep separately, it's foolish and very bad for the relationship.
2)He is doing all he can to provide for a large family and a lot of men are not that organizied in terms of deadlines. so know his weaknesess and get organized yourself in terms of bill payment, companies (phone, cable, insurance etc.) It will be easier,
3)Do find a good baby sitter and make abosoulutly sure that you and your husband go out on a date at least three or four times a month, just the two of you, get dressed up, go have some fun and make sure you make love on a regular basis, of course you fight all the time, your sex life is gone and with that intimacy and tenderness... get it back into your life.
You may try couples' councelling, but I dont' think you are at this stage where you can't solve it yourself, and, most importantly, do not have any more kids, I believe you have more then enough.
Work on improving this marrige with your husband, don't neg or bicker or sweat the small stuff, it will get better, the initial years of marrige are always the most difficult, especially with all those kids, so do not give up. If you love him, share his bed and rekindle the romance, rememmber date nights. it's a must.
Happy Holidays, Good Luck.

Answer 4

I have been married for 20 yrs coming this summer. I have to say that our marriage has been tumultuous over the years. There have been issues with money, infidelity, honesty, although every time we have been able to deal with it. Communication is a very big part of any relationship, and u have to tell him how u feel. Holding ur emotions in and not saying what u really feel is just an accident waiting to happen. It will eventually boil over and u will resent him for the things that u have mentioned in ur statement. Obviously u still love him, or u would have left as u wrote. So now u have to figure out how to get these issues dealt with, perhaps some councelling? You r a strong woman, being able to raise 2 children on ur own and willing to leave and raise all 4.. but is that something u really want to do? Weigh the odds, do a pro's and con's list.. see what u really want for the future of ur children and urself. From what u wrote, he works long hours, takes care of the money that comes into that house, u have to give him credit for that. Good luck!

Answer 5

I can relate. I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids ages 3-9, and my husband leaves everything on me, including bill and being the disciplinarian of the kids. He works close to a 50 hour work week too and comes home having no idea how stressed out, tired I am and how I long for a break with peace. We fight all of the time too and I understand how you feel. You want the kids to be happy, so you need to be happy but you love him and just can't bear the word divorce. I'm sure you've talked to him about the stress he endures over you and got nowhere,(my situation). I guess you need to really think about your happiness. If you are truly not happy, try a separation for about a month. See how you feel. Also, this may straighten him out. It's tough, but try. I would, but my husband doesn't take me seriously and I have no financial freedom. Good luck and Merrry Christmas!!!

Answer 6

Yeah, tough one. I would try to work it out. It appears you two are fighting about household issues. My wife and I have the same situation. It was good the first year until we got married. We fought allot the first year of marriage, the next year was a little better with counseling - - not much. I think things are getting better with time but my wife has a different opinion. We will probably go our separate ways because we have nothing to fight for or common interest.

If there were no kids it would be a different story. It probably would be more stress trying to raise 4 kids on your own. Try to get a third party involved to work out your differences....counselor or minister.

Answer 7

Sounds like all the two of you need is some time alone. Why leave a man who provides and helps you if the only thing wrong is neither of you getting enough sleep. And why would you sleep separately so early in a relationship. Your lacking the passion and the comfort of each other by the sounds of it. So go take your man away for a weekend get some loving make things right and move back into each others beds. Good luck

Answer 8

First thing, remember that the answers that people leave on here are only suggestions and your final answer should be made with your heart. My suggestion should be to talk to him. Tell him that you're even thinking about divorce. Tell him you the fighting is just too much for the both of you. See what his reaction is. If he gets mad and freaks out and starts a fight again then maybe you should think of a way out, maybe not divorce, but a time separate. But if his reaction is a forgiving one, that he says he's sorry and that he can't live without you, then try to work it out. At least for the kids. They deserve their father to be around.

Answer 9

If he does the work then you should get up at night with the kids so sleep for him shouldnt be an issue. Also if you are doing your part as a wife the why is it his fault that the insurance didnt get turned in? I thought you payed the bills. I know this ounds like a mans statement but I am a women. If you are gonna have man take care of you and your kids then you need to make sure you take care of him too!

Answer 10

sounds like the foundation is there. You two just need the basic structure to keep things rolling smoothly. Go to a counselor and set schedules. Don't break up the marriage over smaller issues, some women would kill to only have those issues. You've lost the intimacy, make time for him and eachother. Get back into his bed, the kids should never come between that. God Bless