What should I do about this other guy?

Question

I have been married now for almost 7 years. My husband and I have been through really rough times and he has been abusive at times. I met a guy at my work 2 years ago. In the last 2 years we have gotten really close (he has a girlfriend who he lives with though). One night me and this other guy kissed, I felt bad so I told my husband. We seperated for 3 months and got back together. Things have been going well, really well other than the trust issues. But I am still talking and have feelings for this other guy at work! We havent slept together or anything like that but have more of an emotional relationship I guess you could say as well as a physical attraction. This will never work with him, and my husband is really trying now. I dont want this man to be out of my life, but I need him to be so I can stop feeling so guilty! Where do I go from here?

Answer 1

Stay away from the other guy...
Or lose your marriage...

Answer 2

First off.....I strongly agree with Vicki Bmore....in every way...especially the part about- you should ask yourself....why am I still with my husband? if you are with him for the "right" reasons, then focus more on your husband and forget this other guy....i seriously agree with her sample questions, also.....so if you are with your husband for reasons that aren't best for YOU, then staying together might not be right for you.(although easier said than done) second, "pthewhoo" makes a good point, in that this guy at work may be toying with you....so don't let that assumption escape you.....third, maybe you could have a talk with the guy at work? not on the phone or by email, but in person....maybe you can let him in on the fact that your marriage is doing really well, and that your husband is realy trying. but obviously you still have these feelings...so maybe you can set some boundaries....let him know that it can only go so far....that although it is fun and exciting for you to flirt and carry on at work....but go any further and you start to feel realy guilty...(if that is the case) this may open him up to tell you exactly what he is getting out of your "office" relationship....maybe he feels the same way and will be relieved.....good jobs are hard to come by these days so it is understandable that a transfer or leaving is not an option....so that is why i suggested the talk with the other guy. fourth, ingnore soultrip2 she is just an angry ***** who needs a good lay. hope this helps! and again, Vicki Bmore couldn't have said it better. **edited american beauty obviously has never been married and doesn't know how hard it can be...so **** her too

Answer 3

I do not envy you. You're in a tough spot. Sometimes when a person feels unappreciated they turn to others when their needs aren't met and thats what it sounds like happened to you. What you need to do is give serious thought to your marriage. What made it so unhappy that you turned to someone else for affection? Now that you have reconciled with your spouse is it really better now or does your guilty conscienious just make you ignore the problems.

You committed mental adultry if not physical adultry, if you didn't you wouldn't have felt the need to confess to your spouse. You did the right thing by being honest with him but now you need to be honest with you. Ask yourself some hard questions about your marriage and decide if you really want to be with your spouse. Not for the kids, not for him and not for guilt, and definitely not because you don't want to be alone, but because you love him and don't want to lose him.

If the answer is yes tell your friend that you want to give your marriage a try a tell him you can't spend time with him until thats done. Then get marriage counseling. If you and your spouse have trust issues the relationship will fall apart again. You need counseling to rebuild the trust and work out the initial problems that made you unhappy originally.

Marriage counseling has a stigma but it works. It forces you to recognize your problems and deal with them or makes you both realize that your relationship isn't going to work. Your local clergy usually provides counseling to the congregation at no cost. However, be aware that if its not working your pastor/rabbi/whatever will rarely if ever advocate for divorce.

Answer 4

You need to leave this man alone and stop acting like a school girl. You have made a commitment with your husband. If you're not willing to honor that commitment, get a divorce so he can find happiness. He has forgiven you and is trying to make a go of the marriage. Instead of you appreciating that, you're still sneaking around behind his back with your co-worker. What kind of a woman are you? And what does this other "man" think of you? As soon as your marriage fails, this guy is going to drop you too. Why? Because he knows you're a cheater!

Answer 5

Just the fact that you took the time to ask this question should tell something. If you wanted him gone then he would be gone. Since you haven't slept with him this should be a pretty easy thing to do.
I don't think you really love your husband, or you wouldn't be in this place right now.

Answer 6

One- Hubby
Second One - Mere Friend on speed.

He is not honest to his girlfriend, so he will not be honest with you.
Hubby is forgiving. You need to give him some credit - but hitting must stop. Go to church together

Answer 7

You have to separate yourself from the situation. If that means moving to another job please do that. The other guy may just be toying with you anyway. It's not worth your marriage.

Answer 8

stay away from the other guy. it should be simple if you really love your husband

Answer 9

Do him and divorce your husband