Recently a friend made a comment about me and my relationship with my ex-boyfriend in front of other people. I was there as well, she was not talking behind my back. I know that she didn't mean for the comment to hurt my feelings, but I really felt like she was belittling me. I didn't say anything to her at the time because I didn't want to make a bid deal about it in front of people that we didn't know very well, but it has been on my mind for a week now. I want to say something to her, but I am not sure the best way to go about it. I am worried that if I try to talk to her in person I may end up getting angry and having an argument that I don't want to have and escalate the bad feelings that I am having towards her. Do you think that it would be better to try to send her a card explaining my feelings, or should I try to talk to her in person and see what happens?
2006-12-22 03:49:30 · 17 answers · asked by vonbankrachel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
forget it....so many guys and gals keep chatting for the heck of it...imagine what you could have done if she had done so behind your back..and disowned it
2006-12-22 03:53:00 · answer #1 · answered by s g 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you feel she is controlling even from another state, which sounds scary by the way, you have to get away from her. The nice and in my belief least effective way is to push her to make new friends or get a hobby that will fill her time. Seeing as she's latched on to you, this will be difficult. Honesty is more effective. It may hurt her feelings but to want to end a friendship you must realize it's unavoidable. If you care for this girl, this will be your first option. Friends are honest. Your last resort if it comes to it is total avoidance. No answering calls. No responding at all until you believe the point is driven home. She may not like it and think you're an *** but you want to move on. Good luck.
2016-05-23 15:46:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're that concerned about approaching her and then things escalating then it might be worth taking someone you both know along with you as a sort of mediator.
All you need to do is explain to her that she comments she made a week ago have upset you and you need to talk it over with her as you don't want to fallout with her. She can't make amends with you unless you tell her they had upset you as you gave her no clue on the night. She could be horrified that she has hurt you and apologise for it but you need to give her that chance to understand how upset you are.
If she reacts badly and cannot take your approach on the matter then maybe she wasn't a great friend to start with. No real friend, deliberately and in public, would hurt you. Her comments may have been innocent on her part so she needs to be told how you feel so she is given the chance to put matters right - if she wants to.
Good luck!
2006-12-22 03:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by JACQUI S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A face to face talk is always better. Best to talk about how those comments made you feel (versus criticizing her actions), then she might not get defensive and will probably hear what you have to say.
It's ok to start the conversation with letting her know it's hard to find the right words or the right time to talk, but that you also still want to be friends. It's also ok to tell her you want to clear the air so that you two can be true good friends, friends that can tell each other anything.
Wish you the best!
2006-12-22 03:55:30 · answer #4 · answered by Daniel D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know yourself and you don't want to get angry but would like to get your feelings out I think a card or even an open email is a good idea.
You can explain in your writing why you are not saying this to her face and leave the end open for conversation...when she is ready she can call you or you can meet up for lunch and talk about it.
Your friendship will be better off with the honesty
Happy Holidays
2006-12-22 03:58:32 · answer #5 · answered by NaomiLSullivan 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to always do what's right for you, clear the air and be honest with her for your sake. You can't allow someone, whether their your friend or not to get away with hurting your feelings because as a friend she needs to know your boundaries. Just tell her, "I don't mean to bring this up or have this ruin our friendship, but remember when you made that comment about me and my boyfriend; it sort of hurt my feelings." And when she asks why you didn't say anything then, just say, "I didn't want things to escalate or cause a scene in front of other people."
You deserve people who'll accept your feelings and won't cross your boundary lines. Good Luck!
2006-12-22 03:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by Dimples 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I HEAR YOU, IT WAS GOOD THAT YOU DIDN'T ADDRESS IT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, AND IT SHOULD BE ADDRESSED. BUT IF YOU DO FEEL LIKE YOUR GONNA GET VERY ANGRY AND YOU TWO WILL START TO ARGUE AND AT THE END OF THE DAY NOTHING IS RESOLVED. THEN I THINK YOU SHOULD MAYBE WRITE HER A LETTER EXPLAIN EXACTLY HOW YOU FELT ABOUT IT AND EVEN THOUGH IT MAY NOT HAVE BEEN INTENTIONALLY IT STILL HURT YOU ALSO TO LET HER KNOW SO THE NEXT TIME SHE'LL BE MORE IN CONTROLL OF HER WORDS AND BE SURE TO TELL HER EVEN THOUGH YOUR MY FRIEND AND I TELL YOU THINGS OM CONFIDENCE ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP OR EVEN JUST TO VENT BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE HER THE RIGHT TO EVER, EVER REPEAT ANYTHING. IF SHES REALLY YOUR FRIEND THEN SHE'LL UNDERSTAND WHY YOU FELT THE WAY YOU DID AND WHY YOU FELT LIKE YOU HAD TO ADDRESS IT THE WAY YOU DID. I'M SURE IF SHE REALLY IS YOUR FRIEND SHE'LL UNDERSTAND AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO HUG IVER IT THE NEXT DAY.
2006-12-22 04:02:19 · answer #7 · answered by sky g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking with someone is always the most mature way of dealing. You are the one in control of your emotions, and losing your temper is never a way to solve anything. Explain that what she said hurt and leave it at that. She may not have meant it how you took it, but even if she does not apologize, there is nothing to get angry over. You are the one who allows someone else to make you feel angry, or sad, or upset. Anger is not an emotion that should ever get involved in any discussion. Because anger is the sign of a lack of an ability to communicate properly.
2006-12-22 03:55:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should speak with her in person, face to face. And if she is a genuine friend. She will apologize and take it. You have every right to be upset and angry. Just be sure that you are calm and stay calm while discussing your feelings with her. True friends listen and true friends would confront the issue head on. And then move on and leave it alone. The friend ship should become stronger through this process. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-22 03:55:14 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please talk to her and let her know you are upset that she did this and you rather her not gossip with people she doesn't know. You need to stick up for yourself.If you feel more comfortable sending her a card then you should do that, You seem like a very caring person worrying about her feelings but you need to express yourself more..I've had this happen to me where people have said hurtful things and I don't know how to handle it.
2006-12-22 03:59:05 · answer #10 · answered by nicoleacola27@aol.com 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A card please talk to her in person thats the best way to get your point across. It shouldnt matter to her that you still are friends with your ex unless she is his new girl. It wouldnt bother me unless you feel like you are doing something wrong. I am sure she didnt mean for it to hurt your feelings so let her know it did.
2006-12-22 03:56:46 · answer #11 · answered by justturning40 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋