This is a f/u from my other questions re: Cali. My husband made a bold move and went to California to work. We agreed that he could try it for a year. I never said or did he ask me to move ther b/c it was only supposed to be a year. He has 3 married guy room mates that are w/o their spouses also. For the last 8 months he has come home 6 days a month b/c he was usually working the rest of the time. Now, he is enrolled in school and has locked himself into another 1 1/2 years in California. We agreed that he could take the first 2 classes and then discuss where we would both transfer to or he would come back home. Well, he never came to me when those classes were finished and now is part of clinicals. He will not be able to come home for 3 months at a time. I have already spoken my peace on being lonely, depressed and feeling abandoned. He just keeps sayin this will all work out and just wait to see how much money he will make. He has not been overall a very good long distance partner.
2006-12-22 03:42:09 · 15 answers · asked by Hear2Help 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You didn't ask any questions here, but I assume you want opinions or advice.
What is stopping you from moving to CA? Although I've known couples who lived apart due to college or a job, the chances of such becoming an issue in the relationship are huge. Even if it's for long-term benefit down the road, it's VERY tough to live w/o your partner when you know it doesn't HAVE to be that way (it's not like he's in the military and transferred some place you could not go and neither of you desired to be parted).
He was wrong in extending his time there without discussing it with you first. Even if he thinks it's the right thing to do, and even if you would have agreed, to make that decision without you wasn't appropriate. Your relationship is supposed to be a partnership and large issues like that should be mutually discussed and decided. It's your life too, that is being affected.
I hope it works out well in the long run and you both reap the benefits of this time apart...but do talk to him and make it clear that in the future, you should be consulted when both your lives are going to be affected by a decision...anything else is just disrespectful.
2006-12-22 03:48:59 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my hubby is contemplating going to Cali for 2 years for work as well, although in a different field. Luckily, all my family is there, and gives me more of an excuse to go down all the time. I am only about an 8 hour drive from where he'll be. We have discussed how hard it may be, but I feel our relationship is strong enough to withstand it. We also have young kids.
For your situation, If you guys have a strong enough relationship, trust, and good communication - you wouldn't be having these problems. I suggest you guys try to talk through these problems and come to a solution TOGETHER. If he is un-willing to work on these, you may need to think about the status of your relationship any further. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-12-22 11:55:34 · answer #2 · answered by Stasi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pack up and move to Calif yourself. You are a team... then move wherever you want to after all is completed for him. If you have kids- 100% you make the move as they need their daddy.
I asked my mom when I was 13 how she handled our moving (23 schools for me K-12). She told me (as she was a military wife)- you go where your man goes. It is time to fight for your marriage- Calif is not such a bad place- I live here and have lived all over the US. Do it. Happiness is not where you live, it is who you are with. You married this man- go be with him... forget your job... and.. the familiy you were raised in for a while as they will always be there for you... and your friends.
Buy Dr. Lauras Slesingers book TODAY on 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands'. You go girl! ...and fight for the man you love and the marriage you intended to have. No need for anger toward him as what is done is done... now fix it. It is a good thing he did this thinking of you and your family... his intentions were honorable. (Notice I said were... as I am sure they still are but there are a lot of single women who dont care about marital status unfortunately.) He needs you also as a wife in many different ways... Every day! It is time to do your life together. The entire way this turns out is now in your hands. Do the right thing for both of you. Being strong does not always feel good (making a move- quitting a job) at first. So get over any fear and start packing.
2006-12-22 11:55:27 · answer #3 · answered by lindasue m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way should a husband and wife be separated like this. I wouldn't have even agreed to a one year thing like that. And now he's not even coming home that often. Something is not right about this. Either you should be out there with him or he should be back home with you. Do you really think he is spending all his free time sitting around doing nothing? If I were you, I would give him his choice...work or you.
2006-12-22 11:55:49 · answer #4 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So whats the problem cant you make a few trips to see him. You can do things you always wanted to do. Finish your program his program in Ca might have been better for him. I am sure he would lose credits when he transfer.Think about the long term goal instead of you being lonely.
2006-12-22 11:47:13 · answer #5 · answered by justturning40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he should be able to b with his family 4 the holidays then you need to tel him that you all need not 2 b in a distance relationship cuz it is not working 4 you all also you should remind him that you feel uncomfortable with his living arrangement and you dint get married 2 b apart from one another and that you and him r suppose to make decision together good luck
2006-12-22 12:04:16 · answer #6 · answered by 4ever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a really tough one. Long distant relationships are very hard and need two very strong people to endure it. If your love is strong enough you will make it threw. You are married for a reason and if he is trying to better himself...try and stick by his side no matter how hard it is. Unless you feel like he is slipping from the marriage.
2006-12-22 11:46:13 · answer #7 · answered by Believe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to figure out what your priorities are here. Are they to be right, get your way, or are they to do what is best for the family. These are questions that only you can answer. Marriage is all about compromise, and compromise is not about being right or getting your way! Have a blessed Christmas and a joyous New Year! God bless****
2006-12-22 11:45:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see no question here, just venting. Sound to me like he is investing his time for the future and you should be happy to have such an ambitious husband.
2006-12-22 11:45:43 · answer #9 · answered by boredperv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what exactly is stopping you from moving to california? either move to cali with him or get divorced because this long distance thang is not working.
2006-12-22 11:46:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋