A bring-your-own-meat barbecue for Christmas Eve?

Question

I am really struggling with this one. I just found out, yesterday, that the relative who is insisting on hosting our traditional Christmas Eve has ordered everyone to bring their own meats for a barbecue! I'm already done shopping. I expected the hosting to be gracious and hospitable, like I and other are when we host. My husband and I feel really weird about this; there will undoubtedly be a variety of each-his-own fare, which striked me as potentially-uncomfortable. We feel like the menu is a message that it's all an inconvenience (and there's a history of the hostess being a self-centered beotch). We're thinking of declining to send the message with our actions, but it would hurt some feelings. Is this just me overly-projecting my opinions and wishes, or would you feel the same way? Any ideas on how to handle it?

I have to add: The host/hostess are very well-off, mulit-million-dollar home, plenty of room. I hosted Thanksgiving, exquisitely, because I love the "giving" part. This couple chose to go to their "vacation" home in the desert for Thxgiving. They want the attention of everyone admiring their home and their twenty-thousand-dollar barbecue, I think.

Answer 1

You're personalizing a situation that shouldn't be taken as an insult. We are invited to a party every summer where guests are asked to bring a dish-to-share AND their own meat to throw on the barbie. Everyone is expected to bring their own drinks as well. So what do the hosts do? They set up tables, chairs, ice buckets, provide plates, silverware, glassware, etc. There is still some effort involved for them, but it is apparently all they are willing to give. The question for an invited guest is simply, "Do you want to go or not?" Given the situation, you may choose not to attend, and I agree with you that it is weird, but when you cross over into the "sending a message" arena, you are feeling "hit" and want to "hit back". You can go, with a what-the-hey, let-it-all-hang-out, attitude, or give in to more childish revenge feelings and I guarantee you, you will have a miserable time. It's not the way I would choose to host a party, it's not the way you would choose, but you have been invited. The question is, do you want to go? But you have to leave the tude at home.
EDIT Addition: The revenge oriented answers to your question astound me. Do you really want to get into a "who can be the bigges B....?" contest with this person? Do you really want to win it?

Answer 2

That is more than a little bit tacky of your relative.

My opinion is that you accepted an entirely different invitation. This BYOM (bring your own meat) thing is its own affair.

Three choices:
1) Respectfully decline to attend based on an unforeseen conflict.

2) Bring something middle-of-the-road and enjoy everyone's company besides the beotch's.

3) Go into hock if you have to, but get the most superturbokickass steaks you can possibly afford. I mean, you want these things extending a good 3 inches out from the plate on all sides. You want to have to put your sides on top of this slab of broiled dead cow. If you do this, and I hope you do...the key is deadpan. Don't discuss. Not the slightest smirk. Just enjoy. Christmas is also about memories, and you'll be remembered :)

Answer 3

You could always show up sans meat and explain that you are giving vegetarianism a try until the 25th. Then go ahead and gorge yourselves on the food provided by the hosts. ;) It's very gauche for them to ask guests to bring their own meat. At this time of the year I suppose it comes down to whether the offense is greater than the desire to spend time with the other guests or vice versa. If you decide not to attend, simply say you have other plans. It is Christmas and no need to cause further upset, but I would never invite the hosts to my home again. And if you do go after all, enjoy yourselves, be gracious and fun, but I would never invite the hosts to my home again.

Answer 4

I would feel the same way, but you are still overly-projecting your ideas. Usually people ask you to bring your own sides. Your relative has simply taken a slightly different slant on that idea. How about you communicate with your other relatives and all go together to pay one person to get one or two kinds of meat for everyone?

I guess, in my family, we would have just worked this out with some simple stepping up and volunteering and communication.

Answer 5

Is everyone else in the family going? If you don't go, you will be depriving yourself of an opportunity to spend the holidays with them. Get a pound of hamburger on the way there, and smile.
We did that for our grades school reunion. We bought the charcoal and starter, and told people to bring hamburgers and hot dogs, if they liked. As we suspected, there were some vegetarians in the crowd. Money was tight, we opted to spend what little there was on something else.
Hey, it is something different, enjoy the variety of ways to celebrate. have a turkey or ham on Chreistmas day. I had turkey for Thanksgiving, I'm having prime rib and crab legs on Christmas eve! To each his own.

Answer 6

It's definately an inposition for the guests, especially with short notice, since it's unexpected and not too gracious (hell, it's cheap).
But, it depends who the host is (parent of you, or hubby, or sibling?). If the relationship is a close family one, I'd say bite the bullet and go. If it's a more distant relative (cousin, niece or nephew) I'd say skip it and don't feel bad. Could they be having financial troubles, to do this?

Answer 7

While it is an out-of-the-ordinary Christmas, you should just go and get it over with. I too dread the impossible holiday requests with certain, unnameable family members but I know that if I get them over with, my turn will come.

Of course, you could always hand back your own dose of "be-otchiness" by bringing your own meat. I recommend a 12 pound turkey or a 10 pound ham. When they look at you with disbelief that you expect them to bbq that, your revenge will be complete.

Answer 8

To me, it sounds like the "host" is either really cheap, or she can't afford to be hosting. I think it sounds very impersonal and actually kinda rude on her part. She is the hostess, that means she does everything, including paying for the food. I would decline, but I would also be sure to let her know why.

Answer 9

I'd be light-hearted about it regardless of the personalities involved. You could bring your own "main course" -- and in the holiday spirit bring some bite-sized grillable appetizers to share with others.

Answer 10

Bring a live shih-tzu. Dress it cute, in pink or something. Claim you misunderstood the instructions. Feed it. A lot.