Why does he insist on ruining my Christmas?

Question

Every Christmas since my bf and I have been together (this is our 3rd) I have splurged on his 9 yr old son. I buy him everything that he asks for. Then on Christmas he opens all MY gifts to him and he says, "oh, gee, thanks" with this look of disgust on his face. Then he just throws them to the side. He also does this to my parents' gifts as well. It really hurts my feelings. It also made my parents very mad. I would understand if I bought him underwear or something. But if it's something that he has been asking for for months why isn't he happy with it? Is it just because it's me? I mean his father could wrap up a used candy wrapper and he would be so excited over it. I just don't understand. I know he likes me because we get along very well every other day. But why does he insist on ruining every Christmas for me? He knows how much this hurts me. So why does he do it?

He does spend Christmas with his mother too. His mom and his stepdad have him Christmas morning. His Dad and I have him Christmas evening.

Answer 1

Sounds like he has some resentment towards you regarding that holiday.
Maybe he is wishing that his mother and father were still together.
I think that his father should step up and administer some discipline and make him understand that it is not your fault so he does not need to be rude to you or your parents.
I know that if I was in the position of his father I would have put a stop to that immediately.
The bottom line is, it is his fathers responsibility to take charge of that situation.
Just like it is for his mother on the other end.
It is not your responsibility to have to try to get him accept you.
He needs to be taught to respect you by his father.
I don't think that you should make him suffer any more than he already is by denying him your generosity but he needs to show some gratitude for it.
Learning to accept gifts graciously is a lesson that will serve him well later in life.

Answer 2

Ask this question: Does he do the same with his stepdad, or just you ? He resents you because you are not his mom. He is hurt over the divorce, and that is his way of getting it out. He does not know what to do about his feelings. Christmas is not the same without both parents the way it used to be. It would not matter who you were. He would still do it. Do not buy him everything he asks for. It may be to late for this year, or if you have put it up , or take it back. He needs to have a long talk with his parents about his feelings. Or even maybe you. He might open up and tell you how he feels if he thinks you might understand. Then again he does sound like a spoiled brat. Have you told his father how you feel. Surely he sees how he acts. Does the father not care enough about you to do anything ? Change all your name tags to be from his dad. Don't tell him. When he asks why you did not give him anything. Say, I DID But I wont tell you which one or ones I gave you because I want you to enjoy everything you got. That will blow his mind and give him something to think about. At least you will get the joy of seeing him happy when he opens yours. HEHE Good luck.

Answer 3

He probably does like you, but you are not his mother.
He asked for all these gifts and you and your family bought them which is great.

The gift he would really like is to have his mother with him on Christmas and he is so sad and since he is only nine years old, this is very hard on him.
His memories are few, but he does remember the times he spent Christmas with his family.
If you are a mature person, you should be observant on how he behaves the rest of the year and his mood change when this season arrives.
No child wants to ruin Christmas, it is not his fault.


Dont get your feelings hurt, try to understand if you were him.
You had your parents throughout your childhood and still do.

Dont get upset with him, instead give him some extra special attention to help him cope with his emptiness.
Talk to his Dad and have him do the same.

Dont try to replace his mother, but being there for him will help.
Reach out and make a difference, and you will have new results.

Answer 4

at nine years old he is able to take the truth ,,and the truth is he is spoiled,disrespectful and rude and sitting him down and demanding to know why he has done this would benefit you,talk to your boyfriend and tell him what you are going to do and see if he supports you because it wont work without it,,he must be stood,,mentally by your side so his son knows this is from you both and he cant pit the two of you against each other,,he is behaving like a brat and must have a reason ,,even a childish one,,and it needs stomping out.let him have his say and if he feels he is right to act this way,calmly explain the way it really is and this behavior is not acceptable and you or his father will not tolerate it now or in future. there can be all sorts of reasons for this kind of behavior and he needs to know if he feels bad or has other things on his mind this is not the way to get those thoughts out,,he has words,,he needs to use them!

Answer 5

You didn't state where his Mom is in all of this but ....I have a feeling that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his feelings for his Mom. He probably does not get excited about your gifts because that would be having fun with someone (another woman) besides his Mother. I know it sounds strange but he probably doesn't realize it either. Continue to do as you have been doing and with maturity he will eventually grow out of this. As you said you get along great any other time.
My sisters adopted daughter tried to ruin all holidays and special occasions. The Dr. said this was the reason. She did not feel like she should be happy anywhere else but with the parents she was not able to be with.

Answer 6

My conclusion is that your son is trying to get a closer relationship with his father. He may think that you are over protective (mums usually are) and he may be trying to get closer to his dad. I could suggest that the whole family go on a outing together, this may make your son realise that you love him and wants the best for him. As for the present that he had been wanting for months, a nine year old son maybe bored of that gift (he have been asking if for months), maybe it should be best if the whole family go last minute shopping. In that way, he would like it. And for your parent's gift, try telling him that your parents work very hard to earn that gift for him.

Answer 7

From experience with the men and their children. You don't need to splurge on him. He knows that your not his mother and that is why he doesn't care, what you get him, he's trying to run you off in his own little way. He's scared that your going to take the place of him with his father. Just don't splurge on him at Christmas, just get him 1 or 2 things. If he's gonna be a brat about it why waste your money.

Answer 8

The frustration this boy is throwing your way, is really intended for his Dad. You shower more on the boy than his father, who should. Maybe let his Dad take the responsibility this year of buying those material items and give him some space to figure things out on own, he's only 9.

Answer 9

Why on earth are you trying to buy his affection?

When did you meet the son? Experts say that a parent should not introduce a child to a new "friend" too early in the relationship because of things like this happening. I would give him one thing and return the rest.

Answer 10

He's very unappreciative.....I think next Christmas...I would NOT got all out.....just get one or two gifts.....I have kids of my own that used to act the same way...it only took 2 Christmas' on not getting everything on their list to make them realize they should appreciate what they do get.....Sounds like he's very spoiled....(as were mine).......Tough sometimes....Don't let him ruin your Christmas...Celebrate the Birth of Jesus Christ! and, be thankful for all you have!

God Bless and Merry Christmas!