I am a newly wed woman and am feeling really alone.?

Question

I was just wondering, my husband and i dated nine years before we got married three months ago. He has psoraisis and it really affects his self esteem. We don't make love anymore, we don't even really talk. When we do it seems to get heated very quickly. We both love each other very much and we know we are mean't to be together forever but how do i feel more married and not alone. Yes he has seen a doctor and is treating his condition. But like i said we just don't talk as when i try and talk with him he is either not listening or takes it the wrong way and starts a fight. Can anyone help me?

For Curly evidentially you can't read i said We KNOW WE WANT TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER! not that we didn't!

Sorry also the condition does not bother me and has never bothered me. It is all in his head he can't hardly even look at himself he feels so bad about it.

Answer 1

Depression is a hard thing to deal with and I'm glad you're sticking by his side through this. Just to correct one little thing her, marriage is forever! Why don't you try to cheer him up some how. Make his favorite dinner and some wine to get ya'll relaxed. Talk to him about some funny things, don't bring up your arguements or his condition. Then maybe you can take a candle lit bubble bath together with some romantic music in the back ground. Remind him how much you love him. Maybe he feels unattractive and all of this will overwhelm him with your love and he will feel really good about it. God bless!

Answer 2

Have the two of you considered couple's counselling? If he isn't willing to go then maybe you could see a counseller on your own to find out ways to open up the lines of communication on your part. If you really love each other and are meant to be together as you said, then you should both want to do whatever is necessary to keep a healthy relationship.

Making love in a marriage is a very important thing! You need to feel connected on an intimate level or else you'll start to feel like you're living with a roomate instead of your husband. Do you do anything intimate at all?

I cant stress the counselling issue enough, you'll learn fantastic ways to keep your relationship healthy and fresh. Feeling alone anytime in life is devestating, but feeling alone when you are married has to be one of the worst feelings ever! You vowed to take care of yourself and your partner so do that. If your husband doesn't agree to get help then you have to ask yourself why that is. If he truly loves you and wants to be with you, then he will do anything to make this marraige work. Good luck!

Answer 3

The two of you need to seek some marriage counseling. After nine years of being together and now getting married the relationship has gone suddenly down hill. I am so sorry to hear this. Something is going on and the two of you should be able to get to the bottom of this. And as for his skin condition, I would simply reassure him, that you were quite aware of it and it does not and did not change the way you feel about him. Also try some oatmeal soap and aveeno products. They work wonders for this condition. I have a very dear friend that said these products have worked better than many medications. Make sure the oatmeal soap has a oatmeal as the main ingredient. Try a health food store. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 4

It is strange how marriage changes the whole dynamic of a relationship. Living together you really find out who you are with.
I think you have communication issues. When you talk do not use language like 'you make me feel' or ant other terminology that is accusatory. Say positive, uplifting, encouraging things to your husband. Tell him how much you love him. Thank him for what he does like working etc. Tell him that you find him attractive.
He is low on self esteem and he needs his wife to help him. Often we women can be so negative without knowing it. We have a tendency to be critical. Our husbands really value our opinion and we have the power to make them feel like a king or a pauper. If you are happy and show him you are happy he will respond positively. Your conversations do not need to be all about issues they can be 'how was your day honey?' 'Let me give you a foot rub' or something that is kind and thoughtful towards him.
You as a woman expect certain things from your marriage this is normal but not realistic. I had to throw away a lot of my expectations. But the more you are attentive to him the more you will be responded to with love.

Answer 5

If in nine years you couldn't see this, what finally opened your eyes. I am assuming that you had this problem before you got hitched. I can't imagine that in nine years you were not intimate. This can't be a surprise. If you thought that a marriage would the problem you were wrong, it only compounds things. I wouldn't want to be hooked up with someone who does not communicate. Why bother. I, personally, don't think that counseling would any good. It must have an ongoing problem for years and you just turned a blind eye to it. Now you are stuck with other and it is unbearable....Sorry I can't help. Wish you all the best......

Answer 6

He's probably feeling hurt and confused about being an unhealthy man for his new wife. While I'm not sure what he is feeling, one thing is for sure. The communication must begin. You must discuss how his condition is effecting your relationship.

The following is a healthy process to conversations:
1. Confirm the relationship. Say "I love you."
2. Address the issue. No communication or affection. Let him know you are with him through this no matter what.
3. Discuss how you are going to resolve it "together".
4. Discuss what is going to change from here on.
5. Reaffirm the relationship. "I will always love you"

If at any time he starts arguing, say "why are you responding this way, I am not attacking you".

I'm sorry to hear about your husbands health. I will pray for you both.

Answer 7

It is said that true love is when you know the worst about somebody and it's okay. You either give him space and proceed slower or request a nonconfrontational meeting with him as soon as he feels up to it. Either way if communications break down you pretty much will continue as is.

If nothing changes ... nothing will change.

I understand the self consciousness a psoriatic condition poses; but "for better or for worse" needs more definition in the context of your existence.

Answer 8

Get marriage counseling. If he won't go, go alone.

Also spend time with your friends doing things you enjoy.

Maybe, for awhile, don't TRY to talk with him. Just do little things you know he likes (favorite foods, back rubs with no sexual overtones, pick up his favorite movie and watch it together) but don't do them all at once. And don't expect him to say thanks!

It sounds like he's feeling overwhelmed.

Maybe the act of getting married made him feel more responsibility for you (finances / safety / ect.) and it scares him.

Answer 9

Feeling alone when you have someone is the first sign the relationship needs help or needs to end. I suggest to seek councelling through a church or professionally. Its difficult to be with someone who has low self esteem, but its more difficult to be with someone you cant talk to. I hope you two get help. Good luck

Answer 10

Why would you marry someone that you don't want to be with forever? I don't know that I can help you because of that statement you made. Think of counseling for yourself and then maybe eventually he can come, but for now go for you.