I love this man i have never felt this good about myself for a long time or about a relationship either. He has been married before and been through a miscarriage also. I have never been married before and with my 2 kids i have there dad was there for everyhing and he calls to make sure i am doing ok and my soon tobe husband might have called twice. We have talked about it and se says he handles things differently dont like to talk about his problems
2006-12-22 02:48:19 · 37 answers · asked by felletio24 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think YOU know the answer. What would Jesus do ?
2006-12-22 03:22:43 · answer #1 · answered by Harley Pilot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it seems late in all of this to pull the plug on the guy, but you really have to ask yourself why he did not even think it important enough to go with you. My wife had a miscarriage with her ex and he did not go and when he got home from work asked her why supper was not ready. Never asked her how she was, showed any real concern. All these years later, she still says that was the most destructive thing she can remember when they were married. He just did not seem to care. Regardless of how he thinks he handles things different, he needs to be concerned about how you are handling things and how you are doing. You should see that as a warning shot and back out of it now, because if you think he is non-caring now, wait until you get married and it gets worse... Hard as it seems, you need to tell him Merry Christmas and Good-bye.
2006-12-22 03:09:08 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but, do not marry this guy. If he is not going to be there when you go through a miscarriage; is he gonna be there when you give him a child? What if you become ill, do you think he will be there to hold your hand. AAHHHH!!! Please, have some respect for yourself and your children. If he is not emotionally there for you now, he will never be. He knows he has got you. I would postpone the wedding and tell him you are not comfortable marrying a man that does not care about your health or emotional well being! What a loser!!
2006-12-22 03:01:31 · answer #3 · answered by Biker Babe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is true that different people deal with different situations in their own manner. However, if you wanted him to be there at the hospital, then he should have been there. Even if it hurt him and brought up old pain, if you had wanted him there, he should have caved and turned up. This isn't like sending you to the dentist by yourself. This was a much more serious situation.
If I were you, I would post-pone the wedding for a little while. I would sit him down and explain to him what you want out of the relationship and ask him what he wants out of the relationship. It sounds like there's a serious communication problem happening here. If he doesn't want to talk about his problems, how are you going to fix things if they go wrong? Maybe also go to couple counseling to help you both figure out what needs to be fixed.
Good luck.
2006-12-22 02:54:25 · answer #4 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. This can be a sign for trouble ahead...if he doesn't seem to be bothered enough to even take you to the hospital in one of the most emotionally wrecking moments of your life what does that say about how much he's going to be there for you on your journey together as husband and wife? Your spouse should be someone who's there for you in EVERY stage of your life and even if what you're going through may not be as trivial to him, he should still support you and be there for you JUST because HE LOVES you and knows you need the support.
2006-12-22 03:00:50 · answer #5 · answered by amarilys17 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. He may handle things differently, but this was not HIM this was YOU (and his child). If he is so heartless now, you can not expect it to get better. We all know that they are at their best before the wedding then it goes down hill from there. I do offer this one hope. Read the book The 5 Love Languages and have him read it to. We all give and receive love in different ways. Maybe he just needs to know your love language, but it seems he may be too far gone. What about reconciliation with your children's father?? He obviously still cares for you!
2006-12-22 03:08:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember that men treat their women better before the marriage than after. If he lets you go to the hospital with a miscarriage alone before the wedding, what will happen after the wedding?
You may feel better now, but how will you feel later? Men do not change their ways when they marry unless it is to become less attentive to the wife. Don't marry him expecting him to change and be more attentive-it will not happen.
Can you accept him as he is and live with him being that way? He deserves someone who will. Can you live your life with someone who does not show you the attention you need? You deserve someone who will.
Think long and hard before your wedding. Talk this over with him and see how he feels. After the wedding it will be too late to change your mind.
2006-12-22 02:53:06 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
RUN ! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't marry this guy, you and your kids deserve someone who really cares, and love you and will take care of you.
Haing a miscarriage, is a loss, and sorry that you had to go through this by your self, but signs said, this guy does not care, of the death of loss from a miscarriage, do you really think he is going to be around for a real baby to full term?????????
I think not, it sounds like the real dad cares alot about you and the kids, maybe you should reconsider to go back to him and rekindle your relationship, reconcile, and perhaps be marry again for the kids, and you.
This guy is only thinking of all about me syndrome.
get rid of him, he is not the guy for you, it will be a waste of your time of investment in marriage.
Do you really think you can submiit to him, and allowed him to make all final decison on your behalf?!!
I don' think this wiill be the best ineterest for you and for your children.
Later on the road, you will divorce, so don't make this mistake
of your life!!
2006-12-22 07:56:08 · answer #8 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen some men deal with things differently than others. He has had this happen before and I can only imagine whats going through his mind. He may blame himself because of whatever reason. Don't add to it cause he didn't do something you wanted him to do or what you felt should have been done. Support your man and be there for him. A lot of times because men are so unable to deal with their feelings they just avoid them or run and hide. Have some understanding and stop thinking of yourself. It maybe even worse if he doesn't have any kids. He may feel cursed or he is not meant to have children. Go to him and talk to him about his feelings not about why he didn't go with you. Maybe your reaching out to him well cause a change in him.
2006-12-22 02:59:56 · answer #9 · answered by Wordsmith 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well listen, I'm sure he is a great guy and he probably does deal with things differently, I'm not saying this is what caused his first divorce but it sounds like his way is not good. You should let him know that its ok if he doesnt' want to talk but its not ok when you want to talk and he is not there. He is suppossed to be that rock and that shoulder and if he isn't there you have to find someone else. I think it was a very idiotic thing for him to do and he needs to let you know that he cares for you whether its HIS thing or not. Cause its important to you it will be important to you.
hope everything works out.
2006-12-22 02:53:06 · answer #10 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
And can you live this way? Your unborn child died, and he dealt with it like this? Would he act any different say (heaven forbid) you had a toddler who ran out in the street and got hit by a car?
I wouldn't marry him. I have an oversensitive husband and sometimes I just can't get him to feel what I'm feeling. I can't imagine with someone like that!
2006-12-22 03:03:24 · answer #11 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋