I am very disturbed because of my in laws interference in my life. I am pregnant and feel very alone and insecure as my husband just listens to his mom. My father in law is very abusive towards all of us including my mom in law and I dont wish them during my pregancy and early time of kids raising. But my mom in law continuously tries to convince my husband with all emotional tricks that being a good son he should take care of his old age father and he should be allowed to stay with us for the sake of kids. Also, we should remain cool and calm for any of his behaviour to give him mental peace. And my husband also ensures her to come and stay with us and tells that parents are more important to him than his wife and parents has always a better right over the son than his wife. So, I dont see any scope to talk with my husband as he will never understand my worry that it's very tough to live in constant tension when my in laws will be around.
2006-12-22 02:44:43 · 20 answers · asked by M J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The only solution to this is to move far away from them. I went through this, and that is the way it was solved. When we finally moved 500 miles away due to his job the in-laws could not control him as easily.
2006-12-22 02:48:38 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are going throught this. But, that is wrong. Once a man takes a wife, she comes first and is the most important thing. Once a child comes, then the child comes first, the wife second, and family last. Your husband should want to be a good son. But, if his father's abusiveness is going to affect his child's bringing up, he should suggest other alternatives. Mom-in-law is just plain jealous. She is use to being the only woman in his life. You have to ignore her. What is important is that your husband understands who takes priority. I hope you have spoke to each other about how you plan to raise your child. If you have, then just say to him that abuse is not in my plans for child rearing. Anyway, I hope you find a way to discuss this with your hubby. If you are unable to converse and tell him how you really feel, and he does not understand; you do not have a marriage. Anyway, good luck with everything and try to enjoy your holidays!!
2006-12-22 10:53:49 · answer #2 · answered by Biker Babe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear, it is apparent that you are trapped. I am very sorry to hear this, I remember my own pregnancy and how difficult it was on me, but compare to what you are going through, it is just unimaginable.
These are some suggestions.
Tell your husband that you will not tolerate any abuse form anyone, not now or in the future,
You need to move away, both you and your husband, as far away from those in laws as you can.
Try and convince your husband to go the couples' counselling, he needs it, and a professional might be able to help him see things clearly.
If all the above fails, You need to think about yourself and your baby. so is there a possibility for you to get away, maybe spend some quite time with your family or friends?
Take care, Good Luck
2006-12-22 10:55:40 · answer #3 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your husband have a religious background you can always point out the scriptures on marriage that say a man shall leave his family and cleave to his wife and the two shall become as one. He needs to cut the apron strings. If he is so easily controlled by his mother, then it shouldn't be hard for you to step up and become the dominant factor in his decision making. Blame it on your hormones later, but for now you need to grow an pair and tell your in-laws how things are going to be.
2006-12-22 10:53:12 · answer #4 · answered by Sissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are n a soup I think the best thing to do is tell your husband that you agree to take care of his parents but must excuse you during this time of pregnancy as this time is delicate and any harm to your health would hamper the unborn child. Tell him you need to be with your parents for some time. I am sure if you stay with your parents until yoyur delivery, you will bail out some peaceful time for yourself and also you will be fresh and ready for the challenges to come. All the best gurl, and take care of the little one.
2006-12-23 02:07:11 · answer #5 · answered by Sam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband that his FIRST priority now MUST be YOU and your unborn child. It is HIS child you are carrying and he needs to put your feelings above everyone else, INCLUDING his parents.
Tell him that his parents are not ALLOWED to stay with you two. They are upseting you and it is bad for the baby for you to be upset. If he does not listen go stay with your parents or a friend and dont go back to him until he starts putting you first. You deserve it. Before I marry my fiance I have made it clear to him that I come first above everyone else, including his mom and dad. So you need to put your foot down and be heard by your husband. If he doesn't listen then leave the house and stay somewhere else because you should not get upset during your pregnancy.
2006-12-22 11:18:57 · answer #6 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two words: establish boundaries. Your husband needs an education you and he are the primary family and he needs to put you first instead of his parents.
Consider sharing this information with your health care provider because the stress from dealing with your in-laws can affect your well being during your pregnancy. You don't want to have any stress-related complications during your pregnancy; it will not be good for you or your baby.
2006-12-22 11:13:23 · answer #7 · answered by idahdespida 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stress is not good for you nor his baby... Why doesn't she take care of her husband? This is why people get married...Parents need to let go of the Baby boy and turn him over to you, his wife..they have had their turn w/him, now its yours and your childs turn. They just don't want to let go... Living w/in laws noooooooooo fun whatsoever..2 women in the same house?? Ever see Everyone loves Raymond?? They live across the street from each other... not in the same house... can u imagine if they did???
2006-12-22 10:49:43 · answer #8 · answered by momof3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do not get disturbed and endanger your baby and then you should try to solve the problems with your mom in law. It is possible that she is torn between ur husband and her own husband. She can also be helpless. First try to see yourself in her place. You should not in first case try to see red in you parents in law. UNDERSTAND THEIR PROBLEMS FIRST, JUST THINK THAT IF YOUR OWN BROTHER AND YOUR PARENTS WERE OR WILL HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM, WOULD YOU SUGGEST YOUR OWN BROTHER TO LEAVE YOUR OWN PARENTS? and then decide the life, IT IS easy to break but it is very difficult to patch up...
2006-12-25 14:22:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one has a better right over anyone,,he chose you to be his wife and his parents need to back off,,it would seem your mother in law wants a quiet life because HER husband is a abusive personality and getting you all to 'behave' keeps him easy to live with,,your husband needs to grow a backbone and chose you above his parents who really should have raised him to be independent of him when he reached adulthood where-as it seems they want to keep him in the child position,,,something here has to be done because this is no way to live and it will breed resentment,,how can you be expected to raise your children with a man who is content to be a child himself,you may have to decide,,can you live this way and keep quiet or do you need to find somewhere else if he says he wont change,,he is disrespectful about you infront of them and this basically gives them the right to abuse and attack you because he doesnt stop them and tell them to stop,,unless something drastic changes there really is little hope for your families happiness.sorry!
2006-12-22 10:54:25 · answer #10 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋