Is it possible to fall out of love?

Question

My husband and I dated for 5 years and then married and have been married for 3 years. Over the course of the marriage, we faught argued and I constantly left him. We spent more time seperated than together. I never really made an effor to fix things. I was selfish and inconsiderate of his feelings and just kept expecting him to stay. But, I recently got God in my life and realized just how special my husband is to me and how much I really do love him, I apologized and having been trying SO hard to make things right. He's told me that he's "fed up" and doesn't want to the relationship anymore. He also told me that we he sees me he is constantly annoyed and angry. I don't want to file for divore and I don't want to get divorced. I don't know what to do. Should I just move on and let him go? Or keep trying even though he says that in his mind, its over.

Also, he says that he wants to feel what he felt for me but his guard is constantly up. He says that he doesn't want me to leave but that he can't help the way that he feels. He doesn't want a divorce either but doesn't want to live in misery with me around.

Answer 1

You have almost destroyed the love he felt for you by your selfish behavior. He no long trusts you and does not think you are the person he fell in love with.

You need to slow down and stop pushing him to make a decision. It will take a lot of time for him to realize that you have learned your lesson. He just does not feel able to trust you right now, but you can prove to him that you are worth of his trust if you follow through on the new outlook on life.

Answer 2

There are some good answers and bad ones ahead of me. I hope that you are wise in the advice you follow.

The answer to your question is - yes it is possible to fall out of love. The reason is that love is an action, not a feeling.

The best definition of 'Love' I've ever heard is: "The commitment to putting the needs of someone else above that of your own." Kind of sums it up nicely doesn't it? Think about Christ's love and commitment to us on the cross. Now that's a committed love!

If you truly love your husband you will need to do two things. The first is love him in the way that he needs, not necessarily the way you want. In time this will show him that you are willing to sacrafice your own needs to love him. This is also going to be a great example to him of Christ's love. The second thing you need to do is find a good Christian counselor to help you sort out the problems in the marriage that have built up walls so that you can learn how to take those walls down. To continue the analagy of a wall, don't try to just crash through it, you'll be standing in a pile of rubble and banged up and bruised. You need the help of a counselor that will show you how to permanantly remove each brick, peice by peice, and toss them away so that those building materials are no longer availble to rebuild this wall.

Be patient!!! This is not an easy or quick process. But the benefit is well worth the effort. I promise you.

Answer 3

I think you should let him go, because even though you dated for 5 years and then married for 3 years, after you found God, that made you a totally different person that me may not understand or know. You don't want to be around someone who can't see your changes for the better. All he can see is the old you. I say you should let him leave, because even if YOU don't file for divorce, it sounds like he wants to. It's going to be hard to start over, but sometimes God cleans people out of your life that you really think belong there to send you someone better that you can work with and grow with. Next time hopefully you will find someone who will help you grow closer to Christ and will understand and trust you as you try to be a better wife.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that! If there is no kids involve, I think it isn't as bad to leave him. But, try to talk him into getting back. If it does not work, don't just jump into divorce yet. Just be seperated, give ea other some time to cool down. And if time comes, things are still not good, then, get a divorce and move on with you life. I wish you the best!

Answer 5

Communication and consistency is the key. Nothing worth having is going to come easy. If the both of you want to have a productive marriage, it's going to take hard work on both of your parts. Maybe some counseling would help. I am a firm believer that in no case are we ever authorized to treat someone mean. If we don't treat anyone mean, we don't have anything to feel guilty about. Stress to your husband that you are a changed being and that thing on your part have changed. Show him that you love him and are willing to work things out!

Answer 6

As hard as it is sweetie, Let go and let God. I was in a similar situation and when I look back now I can now see it for what it truly is and be honest with myself. It was like we were never on the same page. As long as he wanted me I didn't want him. Now that he has moved on, it tears me apart and makes me think that I do love him and want him back. Its true that we always want what we cant have. Selfish as it is, I don't really want him but dont want anyone else to have him either. You were used to him wanting to stay and that was probably therapy for you to know that someone wanted you. If he came back, you would then remember why you had these feelings in the first place. For me I had to realize that his feelings werent a toy that I could play with if I felt that i wanted to. He probably IS fed up and really hon, whose to blame him. After sooo much rejection and inconsideration, one has to look out for them self. Sometimes its a matter of "Too little too late". If you dont want to file for divorce you don't have to, wait it out and hand it over to God. Wait and see if he files. I was the one who filed and now seriously regret that decision. Know that you are in my prayers and I will pray that you can reconcile. Divorce hurts!!! Plain and simple. Wouldnt hurt to see a counselor either hon.

Answer 7

It is possible to fall out of love, yes - in fact, it happens often. Sometimes, that love can be rekindled, and sometimes it cannot.

All you can do is ask him to seek counseling with you. You cannot make him go, he has to want to go. If you are pleading and begging and nagging, then stop it right now - not only do people tend to not respond well to begging, when they don't respond, it will only hurt your self-esteem.

You have to accept what has happened in your marriage. If he will not go to counseling with you, and you want to remain married, then try going on your own for a while and see if that helps. In the end, there is the possibility that divorce will be your only healthy course of action. In the meantime, please stay as level-headed as possible. Show him the change in you by your actions rather than what you say.

Answer 8

i think its time to suck it up and move on. even though thats not what u want to hear. sounds like he has been done for a long time. even if ur actions and ur promises change he is still going to feel that u havent changed deep in his mind and think about all the bad times together.
some things just dont work out. better luck next time.

Answer 9

Don't file for divorce. If you husband does, that is another story. Why don't you just continue to pray about the situation. God is the only one who can help you in this situation.

Answer 10

u have to show him not with words and promises but by your actions. he is just someone who due to the fighting has given up all hope that there can be changes. maybe with god's help and prayer, u can turn this around and make it a happy ending, don't give up too easily on him, as it will take time to work out.