He was saying to me he loved me, but just not the same as his kids...he loves them no matter what they do...how would you have responded? By the way,he doesn't even know if they are his kids- his Ex had an affair with another guy.
2006-12-22 01:16:24 · 15 answers · asked by Northville 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Must say, I have heard that before! My husband has children from a previous marriage and I found out very fast that they come first, no matter what. I would also question the parentage of his children, but it doesn't matter, so I wouldn't even bring that up. You, as his wife, are just going to have to suck it up and deal. That is what I did many years ago and overall we have a good marriage. I can guarantee you that arguing about how he feels about his children is not going to make you appear as his favorite EVER. A man like this will never change, and you have to take your place in line. Not a happy answer, I'm afraid. I believe if you will just deal with it, not fight, and stay out of his and his kids business, time heals all wounds.
2006-12-22 01:21:49 · answer #1 · answered by Charles & Elizabeth C 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, Source is partially right. He is being a good father, and he considers them his kids, whether or not they are biologically. However, I think what your husband meant by 'loving them no matter what they do,' being different than the way he loves you, is because he HAS been burnt before by other women and if you were to cheat on him or something, then yes, his love wouldn't be unconditional as he'd probably start resenting you and the whole works. But unless you do something wrong, I don't know why there would be a reason for you to worry. :) Sounds to me he's just trying to protect himself really. Just be good to him and all should be fine. :) Happy Holidays
2006-12-22 01:23:05 · answer #2 · answered by 2D 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course his love for his children is different than his love for you. That should be expected. Just like your love of a family member is different than your love for him. If you are having a hard time dealing with his love for his children I think you should really step back and think about it. When you are in a relationship with someone who has kids, you need to accept the fact that their kids are going to come before you the majority of the time. If he doesn't have full custody , then he has to see them when he's allowed the time to do so and sometimes that may not be convenient for you, but at those times you need to be understanding and not come between he and the kids. It takes a very secure, mature individual to be married to someone with kids from a past relationship. Be as supportive of him as you can be about his kids. I don't think the conversation of who you love more should even happen.
2006-12-22 02:32:57 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people love unconditionally, it should be across the board. He should love you unconditionally just as he loves his children. Maybe he really does not understand the word unconditional. If he hurt your feelings, let him know. Always let your husband know exactly how you are feeling. That way he can never say that you did not let him know.His love for you needs to be a 'not matter what' as well.
2006-12-22 02:05:05 · answer #4 · answered by TracyBee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a parent but I can tell you, the love that parents have for their children is more powerful then any type of love. He loves you in a completely different way. You shouldn't take any offense to that. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know for sure they are his kids. I am sure he helped raise them and that's all that matters! :)
2006-12-22 01:21:11 · answer #5 · answered by AnnaG 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That he is being a good father and being honest to you. Think like this, if you got a divorce, would he stop loving your kids together? No. I am a single father, and, I have told my GF (soon to be wife) that although I love her, the kids come first. You can fall out of love with a mate, it is a lot harder to not love a child.
2006-12-22 01:24:24 · answer #6 · answered by Common Sense 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To you, it may have sounded a little rude to say that, but he was stating his feelings. We love our kids no matter what. Our spouses have to fit into our ideal standards. If our kids cheat on a gf / bf we love them anyway. If our spouse cheats, it's different. Can you understand how the "love" is different?
It obviously doesn't matter who fathered the kids, he sees them as his kids. period. Sounds like a good man to me.
2006-12-22 01:34:33 · answer #7 · answered by Squirrley Temple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, ur right.
Many people believe that thier kids will be with them forever. But just think. When kids grow up they hardly recognize all the sacrifice thier parents did for them. Its you spouse that will stay on with you for all your life. Its he/she who will be on your side and take care of you for all your life.
Kids just leave you and go ahead with thier own lives when they grow up.
So you are right in expecting your husband to love you just as much as he loves them
2006-12-22 01:25:43 · answer #8 · answered by Someday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so? he considers them his and that's what's important. You love your children differently. They are growing up, and moving forward- you expect different things from them. your wife is someone you will spend the rest of your days with, a person you are trying to build a life with. You can love your kids but not like them, however you can't really love your wife and not like her and want to be around her.
2006-12-22 01:20:52 · answer #9 · answered by smm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't even go there, of course he loves them unconditionally and that has nothing to do with how much he loves you... don't push it or he's gone... don't be a whinney jealous over nothing baby. I love my kids more than anything, and I'm married to their mother, if she did something I wouldn't hesitate to kick her out, but I would stick by the kids no matter what (unless its something criminal) until they're adults and then still...
2006-12-22 02:56:53 · answer #10 · answered by peter h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋