My husband left me almost two weeks ago. The reason being, I cracked him across the face. It wouldn't be the first time, God knows I have a nasty temper. I've started going to cousoling for it. I want to save my marriage, I love my husband more than anything. I hear he's with another girl who's only 18 years old. He told me she makes him happy. How would he know that with in two weeks though? He's not talking to me, he's not talking to his best friend. He's shut everyone out that cares about him. His mom and sister are willing to pay for a divorce! Someone please help me!
2006-12-22 01:01:06 · 11 answers · asked by shoechica78 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I think it is good that you are getting help. I have been married for 21 years and I just can't imagine being married if I were fighting with my spouse and getting cracked around.
Oh, perhaps once every two months or so we disagree and one of us, (usually me) has to give in, but there are many more times I don't agree with something she's or going to do, but I can see she's going to do it regardless of what I think, and I just accept it. There's no use fighting or arguing about it if there is no chance of improving the situation.
Being as old as I am, I have also seen a fair number of break-ups, and most are as a result of the same situation you detail above. Nasty temper, the person doesn't think they can spend the rest of their life in that sort of combative situation and stay sane, so they bale.
In most such situations they have been 10+ year marriages, and once one side pulls the plug, that's it.
There was one situation where I did see a 15 year couple get back together, and they have stayed together for another 10 and appear destined to remain with eachother.
Neither of them, however, had met and taken up with someone else.
In any case, getting the temper under control and thinking before getting angry is one of the keys to a successful marriage whether it be with your "husband" or some future husband.
Good luck
2006-12-22 01:17:52 · answer #1 · answered by Coach 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your nasty temper did not just start . If his mom and sister are willing to pay for the divorce, this has been going on for a long time. If he was the one hitting you it would be abuse and you would have him in court yesterday. You may be in counciling now, but a little to little a little too late. He is running away from you because he know you are not going to change. You just realized what you lost. I know I would not come back. The girl friend is someone who is listening to him and not hitting him that is why he is happy, no more nasty mouth. It doesn't mean he is ready to get married again All he wants is peace which you did not give him you made him live in a war zone. The war is over he pulled out and left you to fight your own battle with your hot temper and nasty mouth. I hope you grow up.
2006-12-22 09:51:13 · answer #2 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Short answer - probably.... not.
You covered a lot of ground and each one of those speed bumps were significant but not enough to slow you down….which gives me to believe your statement “I love (him) more than anything” is somewhat ingenuious.
First off. I'm not married so if you want to disregard everything I say after this sentance, please feel free to do so.
Still here? okay, let's get to the nutcuttin. Men are creatures of dignity. Doesn't take much, but it is a requirement. The fact that he's seeing another (younger) woman could mean that she affords him his dignity and maybe even shows him a little respect that may be missing in his marriage. Slapping (or demeaning / emasculating) him is a deal closer if you're looking for a way to take a man's dignity. Incidently, slapping a person is much like spitting on them. the sting remains long after the act has been done. [And here’s a freebee. If you have children, they’ll probably grow up replicating your actions because you two are their models for what a relationship should be]]
"He's not talking to his friends...everyone who cares about him". A man's dignity is his currency when it comes to extrapersonal relationships. If he feels embarrassed, chances are, he'll find some "happy place" to hide until he recovers. You want him back, find out how to restore his pride and dignity. Chances are, he has something in his history that predisposes him to this type of behavior and I'm also willing to be that he's never seen a counselor.
Your turn. If you're not going to a board certified psychiatrist or psychologist who specializes in anger management, you need to break out the yellow pages. Normally when women exhibit open hostility (or rage) there are some deeper issues that need to be addressed and resolved. The term you used for slapping him (cracked him across the face) indicates a deeply violent and visceral feeling behind the memory. That needs to see some light.
Lastly. Marriage counseling, if you too ever get back together, needs to be on your To Do list. The roads you two are on have a lot of potholes.... try not to add any more.
2006-12-22 09:39:59 · answer #3 · answered by Ced 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't call him and don't ask to see him.
Write him a letter instead, telling him that you love him and that you are willing to get help and ask him to give you time.
If he really loves you, he will give you the time you need.
You have to understand that he is hurt.I don't think that this 18 year old girl means anything to him.
Good luck
2006-12-22 09:07:00 · answer #4 · answered by amandarosallyn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to anger management classes to learn to deal with your hostility, and the real deep-rooted reason behind your anger.
You do not say how long you have been married, nor how old you are.
My bet is you have a lot of growing up to do.
Remember anger is one letter short of DANGER !
Get help.
2006-12-22 09:12:28 · answer #5 · answered by shortfrog 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your abusive to your husband. He did the right thing by leaving you. Work on your anger and lack of self control... and give your husband space. What he chooses to do now is not your business. You asked for it!
2006-12-22 09:05:46 · answer #6 · answered by *Just Married* 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If it were me, and you are going to counseling, I'd probably give you a chance. Only one! After that I'd be in divorce court so fast, your head would spin. Spousal abuse is not right no matter who does it.
2006-12-22 09:04:26 · answer #7 · answered by Beau R 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
violence is never an answer unless you are a boxer. he put up with that until his patience ran out. he certainly has the right to seek happiness and a safe environment.
2006-12-22 09:36:06 · answer #8 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was him --- I would stay with the 18 (tight) year old ---
2006-12-22 10:45:49 · answer #9 · answered by brainfreeze007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl you messed up..serves you right
2006-12-22 09:03:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋