Should I Get a Divorce? i'm confused?

Question

I've been married for 1 year and i was dating for 2 years...All me and my husband do is Fight and Argue about everything.. Somehow everything we say to each other is misunderstood and tooken personal..I been hit 3 times and grabbed once.they were all done on different occassion now he's in Domestic Violence classes and tells me he won't put his hands on me again..There is a lot of verbal abuse in our relationship.Its always something negative.I think we talk well for bout 3 mins and then something goes wrong.Well i got tired of it and finally left..i am separated people tell me he loves me..but i don't understand how he loves me when all he does it talk bad about me. i care for him i don't hate him i want to be he's friend but i don't desire him sexually..There is no romance we don't go on dates and he's a person that likes to kick it at home and i'm a person that like to be outdoors and have fun.how come we clash so much should i get a divorce. I'm confused..It shouldn't be this hard

We've had Counseling...We've had plenty of people try to help us....I have lost hope i believe if he saids he loves me he should show me that he wants me to stay with him..but he said he's not going to beg me...i don't wont' him to beg me i just want to see his love for me..i don't think he understands or maybe i'm confused...

Answer 1

You married far too soon, and age has nothing to do with it. Niether of you was ready for a long-term, commited relationship. He has no clue how to adapt to another person's needs while maintaining one's own identity. Perhaps that's true for you as well.

Your insisting you care for him despite his bad behavior is one very clear sign that you aren't at the stage of life necessary for an adult relationship. That does not make you a bad person, but it does suggest very powerfully that you'll be much better off to end this relationship now and move on. It is hard and it will hurt for awhile. Take some time to heal and to re-evaluate your needs - all this will take about two years - and then if you feel you need a man in your life, let it be known that you're "available" again.

Answer 2

First I would like to ask do you have a church home, have you been to marriage counseling and do you have children with this man. Divorce is not a good thing, however it is sometimes necessary due to irreconcilable difference. If this man is treating you this way now, I am positive he was treating you this way before you married him, possibly you'll are unequally yoked...If you're unsure what this means ask your pastor. You probably married him thinking that things would get better, however they only got worse, so now you are involving outsiders in to make comments about something they have no true idea about and they are first to say they will leave as soon as someone loose their temperament in a marriage, sure they have not been there yet and don't understand how those words are easily said then done.Don't get me wrong a man should not put his hands on you, I just want you to understand you are talking to people who don't know your true situation. Were only hearing one side of the story. Don't do that. just get professional help from a therapist, these are people that have knowledge and before entering the therapist office you may want to kneel down on you knees and pray. Ask for guidance, strength and understanding. It will all work out.

Answer 3

Man, now that is a question. I will start by saying that it seems from what I have read that the two of you are direct opposites. I also get the feeling that there were very unrealistic expectations when you both got into this marriage. I think a lot of times we think that because we get married everything is suppose to some how come out all rosey and perfect. Marriage is hard work because you are taking two individuals and making them one. I hear a lot about what he needs to do but marriage is never the burden of one person. He should not be hitting or talking to you in a disrespectful way. I know the things that men do but I also know the things that women do as well. A woman's weapon is her tongue and a man's weapon is his fists. I say this to ask...are you harsh with your words when you talk to him. I am not making excuses for his behavior but we all need to be aware of what we do when put in certain situations. Women should be knowledgeable as it relates to men and their physicality when it comes to problems and men need to be aware that women fight with their words. We have all heard the saying, " Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. " For males this is far from the truth. So much of who we are is wrapped up in the world our woman builds for us.
Was he the romance type in the beginning of the relationship? If he wasn't then you got what you married and it's unrealistic to think that would change. That's like going to the car dealership and buying a Honda and then getting upset that it doesn't drive like a Porshe. Maybe, this was doomed from the start. I would gather that he does love you and you still love him but things have gotten way out of control. If either of you want this to work the both of you have to except responsibility for the marriage. It is both of your fault that it got this way. I say that so you can stop the blame game. Trying to access blame is not going to help the situation just make it worse. If you truly want to make this work you gotta start over from scratch. Personally, I don't think you should but I know that marriage is hard work and it should be worked at at all costs because that's the vows you took. That is the true nature of love. Love is loving someone and standing by them despite their imperfections. Only then will it grow strong and you will be able to look back and say look at what we accomplished together. If you go this route let him know that you will not tolerate him being physical with you. If he does you will leave and he need not ask you to come back. I am sure he also has so issues wiith you. I suggest you listen to what they are and promise that if he does his part you will do yours. There has to be compromise as well as love.

I wish the both of you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
If this made since you feel free to contact me.

Answer 4

Get out. I have been divorced seven years. I was married for one year. We did not have any physical abuse, but words and moods were always ugly. Still, I liked -- and still respect -- her as a person. Before it deteriorates any further, do both of you a favor and end it. Don't worry what anyone thinks. When I divorced after one year of marriage, someone said, "One year ... wow, such a short time. You were'nt worried what people would say?" To that I replied, "No, and I'm not worried what people ask," for the woman posing the question to me was a known adultress. Save yourself now. Take it from a man.

Answer 5

I would get out, physical, emotional, and verbal abuse are all HUGE RED FLAGS....

Think ahead, is this the kind of man you want for a father to children? Would you want your sons growing up with him as a role model? Learning from him how to treat a woman? (by that I mean the wrong way to treat a woman)

Would you want daughters to think that abusive treatment is the norm and end up in a relationship where they suffer the same kind of abuse?

I think if you look to what the future could hold for children and yourself you will have your answer, and it will be a lot easier to follow through with your decision.

Answer 6

Wow....I have no idea why you would be confused about this.....yes...get a divorce...why would you want to stay in such an unhappy and abusive relationship...you are putting your life in danger.....It really doesn't matter what other people say...have enough love and respect for yourself to stay out of that situation and to move on with your life....you took the first step by leaving now go make it a permanent move...good luck

Answer 7

My dear, happiness lies in your heart and you search it all over the world. I think u both love each other but there are a small differences that could be ignored. Getting divorce is very easy, and to find a loving person is too difficult And even if u find one,.what is the guarantee that the new person will not start behaving worse Why don't u both learn to adjust. make a rule u listen to him once and let him listen to u once,take turns.Have seen CHALTE CHALTE...Go and see today..

Answer 8

What would you be confused about? A life of fighting, no romance, staying at home when you like to go out, verbal and physical abuse? Are you stupid. By all means stay with the guy!!!

Answer 9

Listen girlfriend, take it from someone who knows the ropes. If you argue and fight about everything, and you have nothing in common, you need to move on. I am certain that he does love you, but he loves you as much as he is capable of loving anyone. Sometimes when we love people, they are not able to love us in the way we need them to. With that said, you need to move on with your life, and use this as a learning experience, no regrets, ok. Seek someone that has common interest with you, take your time, and form a frienship first, and let nature take it's course. I wish you well, and be blessed in all you do!

Answer 10

Being hit, grabbed and/or verbally abused is an absolute deal breaker in any relationship. Yes you should divorce and stay far away from him. And get a restraining order.