Early twenties too young to be a mum?

Question

Im a mother in my early twenties. Although I planned carefully for the arrival of my baby and Im head-over-heels in love with him, now that Im 12months into being a mother I can't help feeling that I made the decision to have a child too early. Will this feeling ever pass?

Answer 1

Great question. The feeling will ultimately pass, but it may not be for a long long time. Having a child is going to consume you now for the next 20 or so years. Not a bad thing but it DOES mean that you can't just "hang out" like you used to.

With the ABOVE said, having a child brings a lot of happiness to one's life as well. You get to experience many many things your single married friends who don't have kids never will - the sharing with your child, having your child love you unconditionally (and you it), helping this child to become a responsible adult. There are times when the child will say something to you (a thank you for making me who I am) that will make all of your sacrifices worth it.

Finally, some of the best reasons to have a child young like what you did is that you have much more patience at that age, it's healthier for you and the child and when the child becomes full grown, you'll actually be still young, relatively speaking.

Answer 2

Yes it will. When your child is a teenager and reasonably independent you will only be early 30's which is not old by any stretch, but, more immediately, having a baby does not stop you doing everything and over time you can do more and more. I do not know the rest of your circumstances (partner/money/housing/etc.) but after the 18 month - 2 year point babysitters are possible and they start school at 4 - 5 which is not really very far away.

Answer 3

I'm 23 and my little boy is now 2 1/2. I know exactly where you are coming from. You feel like yo are missing out on things that your friends do.I find I enjoy myself more as I don't get to do much. It is quite normal, you will adjust slowly. If you can get some time to yourself then do. I don't get out much but if it's a special occasion like a close friends birthday then i will try and make it. You may feel quite lonely and possibly a bit isolated but you just have to enjoy your child. It is a hard lesson to learn you have had to grow up quite quickly. Look at what you have achieved, you have a 1 year old happy and healthy you have worked hard and being young you have all the energy for him/her. Be proud!!

Answer 4

Of course this feeling will pass, I am 26 with a six year old son and another on the way, I had feelings like yours after I had my son, but just because you have a child early doesnt mean you cannot continue on with you own life, I still get to go out most weekends, I continued on with my education and now have a good job and a really happy life, dont get me wrong it was really had at the start, but I got through it with the help of my husband and my family and now I would not be without my son, he is my life and and I wouldnt swap him for the world, just remember that and you will get through this bad time.

Answer 5

Eventually. I had 3 children by 22. Now that I'm 27, my youth doesn't bother me so much. I was married and had kids at 18, 19, 22, but I still felt too young. Nowdays its great. I love having energy to keep up with them. We are planning 1 more child and I kinda feel too old! ha! I like the way things turned out. My kids will start graduating when I'm 36. I'll have more energy to chase after grandbabies.Nothing wrong with being young, as long as you are a good mom.

Answer 6

get a babysitter on saturday nights and go out with m8s or ur husband/bfriend or whateva , its probs coz u dont go out that much, if u cant afford evry saturday try at least once a month

it aint 2 young 2 be a mum, though. if u think about it the phrase "life begins at 40" comes from the fact that at 40 ur kids have left home. lets assume they leave at 16, that makes you 24 when u have ur youngest, then theres still older ones if u have em.

just think about how evry1 else will not b able to start goin out agen at 40 coz they got kids at home still coz they had em later than u, plus u'll have by then paid of uni debts n stuff like that which u mite have in early 20s which means u can go out more, n u r more responsible so u can enjoy urself wivout havin 2 get really drunk n embarass urself

Answer 7

I can sympathize. I had my baby at 24 and all the moms around me were in mid-30s to early 40s. I felt so alone. But, now I'm 30 and having my second baby. It was so much easier being pregnant in my early 20s. I didn't have as many responsibilities, so it was easy then to stay home and be with my baby. Now, I will be working fulltime. Paying for our more expensive lifestyle, etc. I don't know how women in their 40s have kids. Pregnancy all around seems more difficult now that I'm 7 years older.

Answer 8

Personally I think the feeling comes and goes to be honest, it is natural to wonder what could have been or what would have been but then you look at your child and the feeling seems to go again. I am 23 and my little boy will be two next month. No one can truly say what the right time is to have a child, career first, career after both together, marriage first after, travelling first after ..... doing it all at the same time I really believe now everything happens for a reason logical or not!!!

Answer 9

Having talked to mums of various ages I don't think so!!!!!! It's because you only really become aware of what being a mum means AFTER the birth, If you were 50 you would feel exactly the same probably. Its not a permenant feeling but one that will come & go over the years. It just shows you are a caring mum & take your responsibilities seriously. I had my son when I was 17, i never really felt too young til he was a teenager with the usual angsts!!!!!

Answer 10

Hi,

I had my first child when i was 20 and i think its natural to feel how you r feeling, i felt it too, i would nt change having my kids for the world but i do think that maybe being 30 would have been a better age. as i am not the baking cookies and doing PTA meetings type!! I am more of a clubbing and funky mum! But saying that i have grown up with my kids and we have so muych in common unlike i did with my older mum.

Rx