I married without being in love. I didnt took this decision lightly.
First, I was desperate to leave my toxic home environment, second probably due to the emotional stress I was living in I developed a thyroid disorder that went undiagnosed for 2.5 years which left me so sick I was barely able to survive, yet I studied and worked for 4.5 years until I couldnt do it anymore, this is when I decided to marry.
I didnt fall in love with my boyfriend cause I was so emotionally broken I was uncapable of loving anybody, I needed to go through a long period of healing. Second he has an unenthusiasitc spirit which makes his company monotonous, but I need to add that he has beautiful qualities that I admire. Third, since I was not taught healthy boundaries by mom I let him have sex with me too early, so our relationship didnt develop at my own pace.
I need to add that since I live with him my emotinal wellbeing is much better and he has been very supportive of my recovery.
2006-12-21 23:06:38 · 11 answers · asked by Alejandra 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have been in therapy for 3 months so far
2006-12-21 23:39:18 · update #1
I also want to add that I was very honest with him about my feelings for him
2006-12-21 23:41:40 · update #2
Yeah i agree with Diane S, u do love him in your way. Maybe u can learn in time to love him more .. Try to do more things together , maybe u will see more in him, or let him try to get u a bit jealous , then u will really see u r feelings.
2006-12-21 23:19:48 · answer #1 · answered by AlinaU 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that there is a GOOD chance that this marriage will be successful as you put it. BUT, NOT until you have addressed ALL the issues that you are presently going through. It sounds like you have a stand up kind of guy there. I mean really how many guys will actually go through what your husband is going through unless he loves you. And it does sound like your husband LOVES you. You'd better keep him around as a GOOD husband is not found easily now-a-days. This being as they are all taken. You sound like a good person and give it time, you will learn to appreciate him and address all the issues. Once done I think you will find that there IS love there. Good Luck with all. MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!
2006-12-22 07:15:33 · answer #2 · answered by GRUMPY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it is not doomed for failure, it is never too late to make changes in yourself. we all get bored at times, and life does get monotonous for us all, doesn't mean your doomed. emotional well being is very important in a relationship and support of someone, think u did quite well in your marriage, sometimes we expect too much from a mate, and don't realize we already have a good thing.
2006-12-22 07:29:03 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look up the definition of marriage and see if it where you are at. The storybooks are just that. Storries. It take much more than sex to be one with another person. And it takes even more to maintain the "one-ness" . common goals are a big help, and if not that then mutual understanding.
2006-12-22 07:15:30 · answer #4 · answered by DS143 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about "doomed from the start" unless you want it that way. I suppose you'll be sore but, I see a lot of crying here and "me, me" how about your husband. you said he had" beautiful qualities about him" then how about exploring some of those qualities."
Instead of looking at all the bad things, look ahead to the future and what could be.
2006-12-22 07:45:40 · answer #5 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is what you do. If you and your husband are kind to one another, support one another, sacrifice for one another, serve one another, it can work. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Usually what people feel is lust. Love comes from work.
Your marriage will be doomed if you don't do your part. It sounds like he is doing his.
2006-12-22 07:18:40 · answer #6 · answered by adamsjrcn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anytime I have seen a young girl marry for the main purpose of leaving her family home the marraige ultimately failed.
2006-12-22 07:54:20 · answer #7 · answered by pelone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only you and your spouse can decide when and were to take your relationship..After 23 yrs all I can say is talk to your spouse about this and anything else that's on your mind. Instead of this forum with out your spouse.He may not even know how you feel.
2006-12-22 07:32:09 · answer #8 · answered by daddyo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I DON'T THINK IT'S DOOMED BUT I DO THIN YOU SHOULD SEE SOMEONE AND TALK TO THEM...YOU CAN LEARN TO TRULY LOVE YOUR SELF AND IT CAN TURN OUT TO BE LIKE THE BEST MAN .....EVER BUT 1ST YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE PAST...AND THAN WORK ON THE FUTURE
2006-12-22 07:35:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
could it be he is "unethusiasitic" because you are so fragile?....the guy has stood by you thru your emotional and physical ills.....it seems that you are in control of this whole relationship....therefore only you can make it or break it..
2006-12-22 08:21:29 · answer #10 · answered by sayasyoulike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋