Child support all for it but!?

Question

I am all for paying child support but I think its unfair and it really stinks when the system can't help the paying parent see there child because that child is 15 and in the eyes of the court it seems there old enough to make there own choices.Anyone feel the same?

Answer 1

I feel your pain. My husband has children from a previous marriage and was awarded JOINT custody (what a joke). The court ordered agreement was 5 weeks in the summer and every other holiday spelled out in a decree. Every year when the kids were small the X wife would dream up things to cause problems...one year she even said we would have to kennel our dog off our premises for the 5 weeks or the girls wouldn't be visiting. She even wanted us to send my 14 yr old son some place else while "her" girls visited their dad. Then there came a time that the girls were 14----visits ceased because she would arrange Band camp, Cheer leading camp, church camp and any camp she could think of to make it so my husband couldn't visit. All the while this piece of work was cashing the child support checks.

My husband has settled for the crumbs ---he calls his girls faithfully and has done so since their mother has done all the damage ....His girls openly call him too and now see what kind of evil selfish monster their own mother has been to them.

This month on the 30th---I write the last support check to this woman. All these girls have ever been is a paycheck easily made for the last 12 years. I will be prorating that check too for 15 days only because the child will then turn 19.

Yes, your child has choices at 15 but I would make an extra effort to visit her /him. If you live locally show up on your visitation day anyway and say to this kid......Come on---we're going out. sometimes the X-wife or X-husband whomever has custody fills the kids head full of crap. In our case this is what was done and I assure you 99 x out of 10 this is the case in most teens not wanting to see their DAD.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Why doesn't your child want to see you? This is not the courts problem but yours! Have you been there for the child and seen this child on your scheduled visitations since you were no longer with the child's mother? Have you gone out of your way for your child and have a good relationship? You can not make a child see you if you do not have any of these. Just because you pay child support does not mean that you necessarily get visitation rights as well. You should be paying child support it is your child and I can guarantee the amount you pay for child support does not begin to cover the cost of raising a teenager. I get so sick of men whining because they can not step up and do the right thing and take care of their responsibilities. You should think of that before you play.

Answer 3

Well, if a 15 yr old doesn't want to see a parent -- there is a reason (either brainwashed or the absent parent has done something). In any case I agree they are old enough to make up their minds. I'd continue with the child support and I'd have an heart-to-heart conversation with my child (preferable in person).

I'd let them know how I felt towards them, apologize for any wrong doings in the past that can't be corrected, let them know that if they choose to not see you then it's their decision and not because you don't love them.

If they want nothing to do with you -- then it's their decision. Go with their gut and decide whether to continue sending cards and gifts. At a certain point we all need to take responsibility for our actions and feelings -- and I think 15 is a good age to start.

Answer 4

Get an attorney go to court and get a visitation enforcement order.

Unless you've harmed the children or the wife should not be a problem to do this.

However, understand the court may ask the child if he/she wants to have contact with the non-custodial parent. Given the age of the child that most likely will happen.

Answer 5

Child support is meant to help pay for the needs of the children, not to be used as a weapon. Although, I agree with child support, I do not agree that the father/mother should be kept from his/her child. Unless you are abusive or something.
I think, if your child is 15, then, if something went wrong, they would be smart enough to tell.
Children need both parents more than the money.
I relieved my ex-husband of child support so he could afford to see his daughter. He gave me money if I needed something.
Now, we're back together, and our daughter is better for it.
But, if I were you, I would talk to your ex, and see if you could work something out.
DON'T ARGUE OR RAISE YOUR VOICE.(especially in front of the child).
Then, the two of you, can take it to the courts and try to change things so you can see your child.
In a divorce, it's the children that get hurt, while the parents get wrapped up in stopping their own pain.
I wish you all the luck in the world, I hope you can see your child again.

Answer 6

I think that there's a big difference between a child of 5 and a child of 15. A child of 5 can make few choices for himself; a child of 15 typically has a lot more understanding, experience and independence. Both children need financial support, but I think it's clear that the wishes of a child of 15 need to be considered.

Answer 7

I know it's not fair but if the child doesn't want to see at that age, why would you want to force it?
Just try to get that relationship back where it should be. Talk to the child, get involved in their school activities (that is an excellent way to show you care) and after school activities. Offer to take them to the places they love to hang out at. Ask them if they want to go shopping for new items one day or skating or anything. Just keep trying and DON'T give up.

Answer 8

Do you remember being 15? What would you have done if someone tried to FORCE you into visiting them? Even if you went, you'd have been a total pain in the behind...well, 99% of 15 year olds would be.

You need to send child support, it isn't tied to visitation. You also need to send emotional support. You send a letter once a month, you remember birthdays, holidays, etc. You DON'T emotionally try to manipulate them...none of the "I don't know why you don't love me, but I'll always love you" routine.

You can say "Just remember, I love you and if you need me, don't hesitate". But don't try to make them feel bad, it backfires. If you've been a twit in the past...you need to recognize it, sincerely apologize for it, and then LIVE like you're no longer a twit.

I watched my ex try to emotionally manipulate our child for years, and it never worked out like he wanted. She loves him, but really can't stand him. (*shrug*) And he did it to himself.

Answer 9

Do you think it's better to force a child to see a parent when they don't want to? I've seen too many kids forced to see their non-custodial parent kicking & screaming. Also, child support & visitation are two separate things.

Answer 10

since there is no court order keeping you from your child make small steps to make a better relatinship with your child and then you will see your child more and try to think in away if if you were living together and one big happy family you probally wouldn't see your child much at fifteen they gain more and more independence.