My mother said 'jealousy was not nice! Don't be jealous!
I have found that I cannot control the feeling!!!! Why can't someone tell why and how can I fix it. It will kill me if I cant solve it!
2006-12-21 21:27:53 · 12 answers · asked by Jan Frost 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
First of all, are you certain that what you're feeling is jealousy? Or are you feeling envy? There is a slight difference, but it may help you to iron out this issue.
Jealousy is resentment against a rival...someone who is enjoying success or advantage that you may or may not not possess yourself.
It can also be a mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry or unfaithfulness (as in love).
Envy, on the other hand, is a feeling of discontent with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, relationships, etc. It's wanting what you don't have...and wanting what someone else does have.
A practical example would be your boyfriend pays attention to another girl. He's only asking her about her homework from English class. But you are certain he wants to get with her. You're suspicious of his intentions and hate the girl he was talking to because you're certain she's trying to take him away from you. That's jealousy. You're overly possessive of your relationship without due cause.
Now, let's say you don't have a boyfriend, but this girl is dating the most popular boy in school. You hate her because she has something you don't: a boyfriend. You not only want a boyfriend, you want HER boyfriend. That's envy.
Either way, these are two irrational and destructive emotions. I say irrational because the feelings are not based in reality of the situation, but are rooted in personal insecurities. They're destructive to you personally (because they eat away at your already low self-esteem) and to the objects of your wrath. If you're vying for the affections of a guy who is interested in someone else, that causes pain to the other parties. If you're freaking out over your boyfriend talking to another girl for any reason, that will cause resentment in him, pushing him away, which only damages the both of you.
So, now that the two terms are defined, what do you do about it? In the case of jealousy, ask yourself how YOU would feel if your boyfriend got mad at you for talking with another guy. Or became enraged because he felt you were spending too much time with your girlfriends and not enough time with him? That would feel unjust, wouldn't it? That would feel stifling, wouldn't it? The best way to overcome a fault within yourself is to have empathy with those you dislike, resent, hate, etc. Trade places and ask how you would feel in their shoes. This goes a long way on the path to changing behaviors and healing yourself. Also, a good way to change how you feel towards someone is to think of 1 good quality that person has. Just one, to start. Really think on it, and see how that quality affects others. This will help you to start replacing negative feelings (like resentment) for that person with positive ones, and will help you to kill jealousy in the long run. Trust me on this; I've done this exact thing and it worked.
What do you do if your problem is envy? Ask yourself WHY do you want what you don't have? Really evaluate this. It will take a tremendous amount of introspection and may even be painful for you to look at closely. Example: I had a friend who always wound up stealing the boyfriends of her closest friends. Why did she do this? This is a simplistic answer to a very complicated issue, but essentially it boils down to the fact that she was wholly insecure about being lovable by men. Why? Because her father left her and her mother when she was a child. Every attempt she made to contact him and be part of his life, he always had something else to do. He basically rejected her. So, the only way she could validate herself (psychologically speaking), was to make guys like her and want to be with her. If she could take a guy away from someone else, then she HAD to be worth loving, right?
The questions you must ask yourself are WHY do you want something/someone that doesn't belong to you? WHY do you have to have it? WHAT will having it do for you? HOW will it make you feel once you have it? Answer these questions honestly and you may start to see that your life is most likely better without the object of your desire.
I wish you peace in your journey.
2006-12-21 22:09:41 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm no expert but they say if you are jealous you are a control freak
& you are trying to control everything to your way
just plain don't do it!!
if you get a feeling of jealously do something you get enjoyment out of or go for a run walk sing or swim or what ever just make your self not act on your jealously
jealousy will not kill you
you never said what you were jealous of so that makes it hard to help you
is it over money or love or what?
2006-12-21 22:02:24 · answer #2 · answered by ausblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I use to be jealous freakshow but then I realized how bad it makes me look. So even though the feeling was still there I didn't show it, at all, ever. I felt better about myself because I wasn't making myself look pathetic and being less pathetic caused people to like the person I was. This raised myself esteem, and now I no longer get jealous. Hiding your jealousy is hard but not impossible and you will feel better about yourself and that in itself will make you less jealous. Well anyway that's what worked for me.
2006-12-21 21:34:39 · answer #3 · answered by The Pig! 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why jealousy is bad? i say if u have a feeling - enjoy it. at least u feel smth. at least this is some emotion. so be jealous to the maximum extent. and trust me - when u start doing it u will be very surprised how fast your jealousy will end. when u enjoy smth to a maximum extent it ends very fast - nothing lasts forever
2006-12-21 22:14:32 · answer #4 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well wait a minute, Why are you feeling like this? What is the reason? You must realize that you are not going to get a proper answer if you don't include more details. there are all types of reasons for your feelings, but what is making you feel this way?
2006-12-21 21:45:27 · answer #5 · answered by Myspace/UltraFMonline 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Jealousy is the result of you being insecure. Do you not have enough self-confident that you think the other person is better than you?
2006-12-21 21:34:18 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Kite 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Lucifer also have the same problem back when he's still in heaven... so, kill that jealous inside of you or be thrown in hell?.
Be thankful for everything, always think that you're the best.
2006-12-21 21:40:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
well just look at yourself..i'm sure you have good attributes...everyone has good along with bad...you shouldn't compare...yea its hard to be like i wish i looked more like that supermodel...we all do that...but they are not the norm...not every girl is a super thin waif...i mean seriously...and they don't eat i'm sure. i would have to say that (yes i read the prior question) if your thinking about suicide b/c of this, then maybe your not happy with your life so you get jealous of people who seem sooo happy. trust me they have their issues, they just try to deal with it. i think life sucks sometimes...i want to die too...but i fear it at the same time...i don't think i want to die either but my problems to go away...i think that's what your really asking. you shouldn't be jealous..but maybe your wired to think like that. try to write down things that are going well for you and things that are not. then try to do a new years resolution for like a self improvement type thing...i'm no expert though...just try to accept your life with good and the bad...i think nobody has just good unless they get fed with a golden spoon...
2006-12-21 21:34:57 · answer #8 · answered by kowalley 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Listen to Tom Leykis and DTB. Don't even waste your time being jealous. It's not worth it. Move on.
2006-12-21 21:51:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
neither of your questions so far really says enough about what is going and what you feel jealous about....... please give more information...
2006-12-22 07:28:59 · answer #10 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋