So why is it that we are always attracted to what we cannot have?

Question

So why is it that we are always attracted to what we cannot have? Is it true? Is the grass really greener on the other side? Why is it human nature to lust after the unattainable? Is it the thrill of the chase? The prospect of something new? Its sick and twisted, ridiculous and idiotic yet continuously we crave the fulfillment of what is just beyond reach. Why do we toss and turn at night unable to sleep because our minds are filled with thoughts and plots of achieving the unachievable? Must it always be this way, always end this way?

Answer 1

everyone wants a challenge no one want what they can have. you have to be satisfied with what you are do and how you live. you have to stop trying to keep up with joneses .you have to be grateful just to be alive. when i start to think about what i dont have i think of my mans spred he has in a coma for 2 yrs his life is on pause and my situation aint as bad as his. carpe diem.

Answer 2

I'd say we're attracted to what we can't have simply because we can't have it. But that assumes we want it to begin with.

Something I can't have is the sun in my backyard. I'm not attracted to that, so I guess it's safe to assume we're talking about something we want here. Then...

If you really want someone and have your attention on it a lot, it's called a "must have." (Example: I absolutely must have a pay raise by month end.) And the opposite is something thing that you "must not have" at all costs and have attention stuck on it too.(Example: I must exercise intensely so I'm in perfect health because I must not have a heart attack.)

So this is like being in water. In front of you is a life preserver that you must have. You aggresively reach for it and the wave you cause pushes it away. Must have = push it away.

Then you see a poisonous jellyfish in the water near you and you must not have it (i.e. must not have it sting me or something like this). You aggresively pull away and you create a wave inward towards yourself and the jellyfish comes in contact with you. Must not have = pull it in.

The key is to do your best to live somewhere in the middle. If you must have this or can't live without that, watch out, the effect you want probably won't happen.

I must win the lottery. I must buy 10 tickets every day until I win. I must win and get out of this crappy life I'm in. Ever notice that the people who win the big, big lotterys weren't desperate about it? They never seem to have a must have on it.

It's crazy but if you take you're intense and heavy attention off what you lust after and get less desperate or frantic or nervous or whatever about it, you may actually see a change. But this is just one factor amongst many. The other factors must be addressed as well. They can be found in Buddhism or Scientology (which is not this horrible thing the media makes it out to be, the church of Scientology is, but not the subject itself).

Answer 3

i'm not really too sure, although i think it is true for some people, because some people look at others and see all their good points, the good bit about their house or possetions or what ever, from the outside of a house, if u see wot i mean, so when you actually get there and go inside the house it doesn't look so gr8 as it did from over the fence, that is wen u realise u r actually a very lucky person to hav wot u hav ( mind u the other person is probly thinking the same about u, lol ) so yeah i think it is true coz if you don't have something it looks new and interesting, it is basically jealousy! lol

Answer 4

Humans have a progressive sense of self-worth, which is only satisfied by newer & more challenging goals.
The higher the challenge, the higher is the percieved value pay-off
Thus, what we have is sometimes taken for granted & we seek what we see as "just beyond reach"
However I would not go for the "unattainable" as that would be a self destructive chase doomed for disappointment.

Answer 5

I think it's self-esteem. You want what you can't have because you don't think you deserve it. You will only be attracted to what eludes you because you are sabotaging yourself. You fear success & failure. You see someone or something as impossible & that makes you want it. That's not healthy.

I used to have crushes on guys who didn't know I existed & if someone liked me, I didn't like them. If you don't like yourself, you'll only really be interested in people who don't like you either or who ignore you.

Somewhere along the line I outgrew this. I started to like myself & curiously the men that I was attracted to were also very attracted to me. I don't think it's a coincidence. I also started getting more of the things that I wanted and being happier. I took risks and went after my dreams & achieved them.

If you never have what you want & you're never happy with what you have I think the problem is within yourself. If you don't like yourself, nothing & no one will ever be good enough & happiness will never be within your grasp...

Answer 6

Good question... set me thinking!!

We are compelled by an innate desire to excel!!

This takes beyond what is natural in all beings... namely to compete for survival. We human beings do not merely want to compete with others nor merely for survival.... we even want to compete with ourselves in order to excel ... to prove to even ourselves that we can do better than ever before.

The real reason behind this desire to excel, as far as I can guess, is the ego gratification or out of a never bending self-pride (as different from self-esteem).

Answer 7

It's not the question to answer.
It seems like a question. But actually it just means one should try not be attracted to what he/she cannot have. Right? So try not to be attracted.

<<<<>>>>
Just remember that mantra 'craving, craving, craving'.

Answer 8

The craving for an external "other", in an attempt to make the "self" whole again.

Answer 9

If we feel there is something we cannot have we feel as though we have lost something even if it wasn't really ours.People have a hard time with losing what they have or what they feel they are entitled to.People associate what they can and cannot have with their self worth both conciously and unconciously.

Answer 10

I do not want what i haven't got. But seriously, you just have to be sure you really go for what you want in life, so you aren't disappointed with it when you settle down with it. That's the key.