Polygamy in Islam...I am the second wife and would like to hear from other women or men in this situation...?

Question

I am a new Muslim and married a man as his second wife. His first wife does not agree and is giving him a really bad time and has even threatened me. Even so, he loves me very much and is very supportive to me and my five children from a prior marriage. We have only been married five months and I'm five months preganant...another thing that enrages his first wife. I've never met her personally, and am afraid she'd hurt me and my children based on her threats.

Even so, my husband wants and actively searches for 2 more wives. I don't mind sharing his heart, but seems to me his time and support will become less and less to me as he takes more wives.

I'm interested in your stories more than your advice. Although true and caring Islamic advice is welcomed.

Please, I'm NOT looking for criticism of the religion or polygamy in general. I am Muslim and accept his right to have four wives.

Answer 1

first of all warmly welcome you in the religion of Islam, and do pray that God endorse you with the purest Islamic spirit, coming to your question, i would like to explain you about polygamy in Islam and the conditions that are linked to it, Islam has given this just right to men to have four wives at one time with certain conditions and the conditions are quite strict and very clear sayings of Prophet (PBUH) about it, the conditions are as follows that if a person can do JUSTICE (its in capital letter so do ponder on this word) with all of his four wives then he can marry please note the word justice; it has vast meaning in itself, justice not only in his personal attitude to wife (love,care), not only in phsycial relationship, not only in economical relationship, not only in spiritual relationship, not only in social relationship, in all aspects of life if a man can do Justice to his wife and his children then he can marry to second, third or fourth wive but if he cant do justice then he should not marry remember he should not marry, this is the saying of Islam, so if your husband doing justice with you and with his first wife as well and feel himself capable for third or fourth marriage also then he can go on for it, otherwise if he can not able to do justice with any of you then God will ask him and punished him swearly as well.
In general, in this era you can find very few number of men who can manage more than one marriages in the way as Islam ordered otherwise mostly men just going for second wife and forgetting the first wife entirely, so do preach your husband in this matter also that he should be doing justice.
Second point is the behaviour of first wife, its not of great important for me, because its just the natural attitude of her she dont like her man to be shared with some one other too, but you must be sensible enough in requesting and saying to your husband to do justice with first wife also so that to attain heavenly peace in both lives.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Does the 1st wife live with you? Does she also have children?
I dont understand his need for more wives if he's having children.
I think you'll be lonely if he's always traveling and having wives all over the world or whatever the situation is. Well, you must have already known the situation before you married him. Good luck to you and all and have a nice pregnancy. Best wishes dear.

Answer 4

What country do you live in? And is your husband well off, enough to support 4 wives and the brood of children? Good luck, polygamy is not for everyone as you can tell with the first wifes reaction to your marriage.

Answer 5

Most men these days take more than one wife for personal reasons like attraction, unhappy with first wife etc. The holy Prophet (SAW) took more than one wife for more noble reasons, like to help a woman who needed the support of a man with her livelihood, or if she was a pious lady. And besides, the Prophet (SAW) had revelation from ALLAH whenever he did anything.
But there is nothing entirely wrong with having up to 4 wives as for some men, instead of cheating on his wife, it is better that he satisfy his needs by marrying the other woman - on condition that he love and treat them equally, and NO compromises. Now you think about it... Today which person is pure or noble etc. enought to treat more than one wife equally - If the husband provides a house or even if he bought a gift for one wife, he has to buy for all the rest of them as well. This is not an easy thing to do, so that is why you should only take more than one, if you can fulfil these conditions. Now the Prophet (SAW) was true in all his ways that is why it wasn't a problem for him, and the women he married, were not the same like today's women... if you know what I mean. Anyway, it is good that you are trying to accept this, but you are allowed to advise your husband on his choices to marry from what I know, in other words you can choose a woman for him, but be good in your intentions, and so should he. Allah knows best. good luck to you and family... Allah will reward you for your sacrifices. As for the West not complying with with today etc. - The west my dear, does not comply with the will of God! What is man made will never prevail. Your husbands first wife should have been consulted before he married you, although it is not a requirement. But remember again the mans intention are known by God (ALLAH) so he should not secretly marry a lady away from his first wife. If the man has a lust for women, it is better for his sake, and your family that he discuss marriage with her, after discussing it with his first wife. You can get along with his first wife, it is natural for a woman to feel the way she does, I have an uncle who had 4 wives, and they were all happy and helped each other out often, they shopped together and organized family functions together and when theri kids got married, they were their to help each other. That way, if there was any girls night out of some sort, they would spend it with each other and the husband could trust the wife more this way, in such cases the women actually have more freedom in their lifestyles - but the other lady said on this site, it is rather different and a matter of preference for each individual situation.

Answer 6

I was divorced with three children and was very nervous about marrying just any person,
a married man proposed to me. After much contemplation n prayer. I felt it would be the best descision for my circumstances to accept. So i became his second wife.
Its nearly four years and we have become so close that i cant bear to carry on in polygamy and share him. I have asked him to let me go. I wont ask him to divorce his wife but the pain has become unbearable for me.

Answer 7

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/CjR6l

Answer 8

Wow! Interesting! Other people's cultures fascinate me :-) I wish I could be of use. Personally, I couldn't be in a polygamist marriage. I'm a little too needy. I don't like to share my husband. Ha ha ha! I can't imagine being one of four wives. Being one of two sounds difficult enough! I guess the best thing to do is to reassure yourself that being a wife to your husband is what is Commanded. Sometimes that is all we can do! Good luck! :-)

Answer 9

I find it Ironic to be married 5 months, be 5 months pregnant and have 5 children already.............

"but seems to me his time and support will become less and less to me as he takes more wives. "

Maybe that is why his first wife hates you.

I just can't stand how females, religion aside, allows a male to sleep with other females, claim he loves them all, and believes he is a saint that is so high while the girls are so low...........

You placed yourself in this situation. It is what it is.

I am Christian and I don't support your life; however, as what I said, it is what it is. You know it be less and less and he will be with other females.

Seems to not be the best life but if that is what you want, then don't dwell upon it as the polygamist always preach as it is a sin...

Answer 10

If she (1st wife) is unhappy with this situation she is allowed to petition for divorce. And your right, if he can not fully satisfy all his wives then he is not suppose to take them on even if it is his right to do so. (Qur’an 4:3)

I fear that you will become unhappy and find yourself stuck. You have chosen a hard path, especially without having the 1st wife's support. You need to pray, and ask for guidance. By your story it seems you entered into this marriage in haste.

There is another lady on this forum who is 2nd wife I will e-mail her this thread and hope that she responds to your request.

Answer 11

Jealousy among plural wives is commonplace. I've 4 wives and i'm a christian. I have only 19 children. All of my wives live under one roof. Therefore they interact daily with one another.

One has to set limits on how many wives one will acquire at one time. I find myself stretched pretty thin at times dealing with all 4 wives and 19 children. I won't seek other wives if i find the burden would be too great upon all the other family members.

I know of many polygamists that have more than 6 wives and those families tend to be suffering simply because the husband is to un-involved in his family affairs all he does is work and sleep.

Talk to your husband and ask him to counsel the wife that is making threats. All she needs is to know that he still loves and cares for her.