We have been married 21/2 yrs, no sex in 17 mos except in sept when went 2 c lawyer abt divorce.He said no divorce will contest. We r in couseling & have come to understanding that we r 2 different ppl.Don't want 2 change each other.He won't compromise I give everything get nothing.His family comes 1st mine 2nd.Says he's still attracted 2 me but don't act like it.NO affection 2 quick kisses on lips is extent of sex.He don't want it. Maybe if I had affair &/ got caught things change?If had affair feel like crap!(Had 1 nightstand on ex felt lower than dirt afterwoods finally told ex he forgave).He has 12 yr old son from other relatonship.I can't have kids sterile throws it in my face.We don't fight 4 mos then fight 4 mos like we r making up 4 lost time!Tired of fighting about little things.He never wants to talk.Eveything is on his schedule.We agreed in begining of relationship that if either was caught cheating it would b over now he says he would hurt the guy bad if found us together!!
2006-12-21 18:14:18 · 18 answers · asked by Missy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do love him & my step-son.He already told me that if I leave him my chance of being a mother goes w/ him.I have been 2 6 dr's in 4 yrs ALL say chance of concieving 10% which is 0!My stepson even tells his father 2 leave me alone & can c how his father is.He wants me 2 stay 4 him!His father told him no marriage no relationship.He says he won't b like his father. His side says work it out.Our marriage counseler says try 2 work it out.Even his ex says try 2 work it out.Hubby is pissed that ex & I r friends!His sister told him that if he didn't change he would lose me BUT he won't compremise.He way or his way. My father is coming down 4 x-mas & we r supposed 2 go c his family. Said we could wait 4 father 2 come down then go 2 his sisters house. He said no can c him x-mas only!Only c father 2x this yr supposed 2 b 4x. Hubby no want 2 go.I'm not ALLOWED by myself! Told him to go **** himself cing father 2x like or not! Doesn't like! Oh WELL!!
2006-12-21 19:14:01 · update #1
I asked him last night if he was happy & he said yes. I told him I was not & have not been 4 a while now. He was looking over my should when I was reading some of my answers & he said "have an affair c if I care but u will NEVER c step-son again he will go 2 court 4 a restraining order against me. I told him to do it.He also said that as soon as we can move out everything will b fine w/us. I told him I don't know if I can wait that long. "Just stay w/ ur b**** of a mother & I will go by myself. ur r both B****! I said thank u. He walked away. He says he loves me but am not sure. No $ 4 divorce. Want 2 c brothers talk w/ them can't because I can't travel w/o him.
2006-12-22 14:14:49 · update #2
I have 2 b careful now because he found this site 2 read what I am writing. I was careful but he saw over my shoulder what I was doing. I'm on my mom computer but he say "I told u no chat rooms." I told him it's really not a chat room u ask ? & get answers! That's it. Wish me luck!
2006-12-22 14:30:01 · update #3
this man is a controller, and doesn't want to see u as his equal, doesn't value u or anything u say. don't cheat on him, keep your dignity girl, keep your self worth, but get a divorce from him than go find someone who will value u, and love u, they are out there, they aren't all like this one. u can do better for yourself. don't cheat and drag some poor unsuspecting person into this, divorce first than look.
2006-12-22 00:01:52 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, what are you doing to yourself??? this relationship is obviously out of balance. He doesn't talk to you, show you effection or even touch you. Not to mention throwing the fact that u can't have kids in your face!!!!!! he's a very bad person for doing that. you shouldn't cheat, you should just leave him. you don't seem to love each other anymore, so why say and allow him to hurt you and threaten to harm you if u cheated on him?
He just wants to own you as a husband but he's not doing anything husbands do. I really believe you're better off without him. Don't stoop to his level & cheat, coz u don't sound like that type of person, ur better than that. just get a divorce & leave his sorry @ss. find someone who'll love & appriciate you. I don't find any reason for you to stay. you didn't evne mention u loved him.. & surely if you don't leave him, he'll leave YOU. so don't give him the satisfaction of that. Leave.
Build your own life , do what makes you happy & meet someone who'll love you the way your husband never did.
If a relationship has more tears, it's better to just say goodbye. ask yourself why am I still in this relationship?? is this person worth spending the rest of my life with?? I feel sorry for you, I really do, you really need to tell him "these boots are made for walkin". If he treats you really bad, throws something very sensitive in your face & has no time for you, why stay ? what are you waiting for ? him to change? he's a bad person who's not worth waitin or waisting your life for. you don't even love him.
Just leave, it'll be hard after 21 yrs, but just like other wives with abbusive husband did you, you can, too .. & all of those women felt the same & were terrified of what might come after that, but all were ok & much happier.
Be the one to make the 1st step.file for divorce & move on.
if you need anyone to talk to , please feel free in emailing me, we can talk about it on msn.
Goodluck.
2006-12-22 02:34:02 · answer #2 · answered by CupCake 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are married to a very controlling type person. I'd divorce this jerk in a heart beat. He sounds like a real pig-headed selfish person.
I was in a similar marriage for 8 years, we tried counseling for 4 years and finally i gave up got a divorce. Weeks later our marriage counselor/doctor came to me and told me that he had a visit from my ex-wife, where she finally admitted that the only reason she'd married in the first place is she needed someone to control, to make her husband pay for all the nasty things other men had pulled on her in the past.
A real psycho-woman. Made my life a living H*ll for 8 years.
Sounds like it's time to move on and leave this jerk. The kid isn't yours you don't have the responsibility of dealing with him, but you can always stay in touch with the child.
2006-12-22 03:32:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! I would have to say first off you need to read what you typed to us. His actions indicate that he is very controlling, manipulating and self absorbed. This man is not showing you love and/or nurturing your marriage. This is by his actions. Words mean absolutely nothing without action. He has to show you he's willing to change and be there for you, while you call the shots. I have a similar issue. Only my husband is very passive. But at this point he does what he has to do to prove to me that he loves me and wants this marriage. If you feel strong enough about you feeling to cheat, then maybe it's time to leave. You said that last time you did it you felt awful, so why put yourself it that position again. Put your foot down. Change the tables. Be prepared to leave and let him know that you are not going to take his sh#$ any more. Be confident, be strong.
2006-12-22 02:24:57 · answer #4 · answered by Smooda 1119 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really, the reason you want to have an affair or 1 nighter..is for
the sole purpose of "letting him know". That way , it is an easy out
you think. Well, maybe in your case it would be easier for you to
sleep around. But, I think you want to do it also, for spite. To get
even. You really have so many reasons to just go, and not enough reasons for you to stay. Your getting nothing from him.
I would have gotten horny..a LONG time ago girl. Damm go get
your life back. Shed the old skin...and get new skin. Peace.
2006-12-22 02:58:21 · answer #5 · answered by CraZyCaT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont have children together so there is no reason to stay. Leave him. It sounds like he wants to keep you as a possesion, but doesnt want to have to work on a relationship. you deserve better. Dont cheat, just leave. You can leave him with out getting a divorce and if you are apart long enough (I think one year) then you can file for divorce and it wont matter if he contests just as long as you have been living apart for a certain amount of time. Check with a lawyer.
2006-12-22 02:20:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get the hell out. You have an awful marriage. There is absolutely no good reason to be together. And, the longer you stay together, the greater the chance that he will hurt you physically.
2006-12-22 02:21:59 · answer #7 · answered by Alan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What state do you live in ?
Many states , TX for example, allow either spouse to divorce
the other , whether the other wants to be divorced or not....
You just divorce him, he doesn't have to approve, agree , be present, sign anything or like it....
TX requires a 6 months residency, then you can divorce him
under TX law...
Check the laws of your state...
2006-12-22 02:23:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't bother cheating. It isn't worth making yourself feeling lower than he is making you feel. Just pack up and go. Being alone will be hard at first but you will find someone to love you emotionally and physically in time. You deserve that.
2006-12-22 02:49:10 · answer #9 · answered by T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god you need to get out. He is an abusive jerk. why are you waiting around your not happy you deserve to be happy.And you aren't doing his son any favors by letting him see how he treats his wife or any females. Start off the new year be confindent in yourself and move on don't just cheat that won't solve anything. I'm sorry I hope things get better for you.
2006-12-22 02:24:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋