Wife wants me to date, and live a new life. We have a wonderful son, and feel that for our emotional health it would be best to separate for now. I'm moving 80 miles away, closer to job, and should be back every weekend for a while. What if I meet a girl I like :) I've been sleeping in separate rooms for 1 1/2 years, and we haven't been a family for longer than that. Good thing is that we still love each other, and want to give each other time. I want to be her friend, we've been through alot, good and bad.
So any ideas and suggestions would be helpful. I'm not looking for divorce primarily so that the house can be kept for she and my son, and I'd be sending money home every month. Funny thing is she's still married to.... never got divorced from her ex, but I was cool with that. She's from Brazil, and we've been married 11 years. Any advice on what my best options are. Guess it's tough to think of these things during holidays. At least I'm almost over the heartache :)
Peace
2006-12-21 17:56:19 · 14 answers · asked by FearDragons 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give yourself time to not make any major decisions regarding romance. Focus on your new Job and your child. In time a woman may or may not come along. Feeling lonely sucks. But you are mourning a relationship that no longer exists. Focus on the one you have now. And when your feelings change, you will be ready. No need to try to act a certain way. Just let yourself be for awhile. And do the same for your wife. This will Ultimately be the best thing for your son as well. Be true to yourself always. Put your needs first..in doing that...it will make you a better father and potentially a better husband..whether it be with your current wife or with another down the road. Stay in the present. The past and future are beyond your control. Enjoy your holiday in a different way. A new way. Start a new tradition with you and your son. And give that same room to your wife.
I would also suggest maybe a little therapy to get a different perspective on the situation. Therapists are good for showing you things you may not have thought of before. Taking care of yourself has to be the priority in order to be the best man you can.
2006-12-21 18:05:37 · answer #1 · answered by Steph 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just curious- how is your marriage legal if she never got divorced? Anywho- that's great you two are still getting along so well and can talk, and you both care so much about your son. Take her advice- try to date, just for some social interaction. Talk to other people, go hang out at a bar, whatever you like to do. My husband and I did this before we were about to divorce, and we just realized we didn't want to be with anyone else but eachother, and now things have never been better between us. Good luck to you! and Merry Christmas
2006-12-21 18:01:35 · answer #2 · answered by Nicole K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should start dating whenever it's comfortable for you. A seperation &/or divorce doesn't really "require" a mourning period like a death does.
It's good for your son that you two do have a good "working relationship".
This is a tough thing you're having to face right here at Christmas, but have Faith, all will work out if you keep a positive attitude, and be there for your son.
2006-12-21 18:03:03 · answer #3 · answered by kj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is dating someone, I'd say go for it, but if your not for sure, hold off. You would be jeopardizing your friendship, or worse, antagonizing her into a bitter divorce. You have an entire future to date. It won't kill you to let a little more time go by. It is a risk, i might add, to not date, especially if she is, then you would be wasting your time. Get yourself where you want to be, and then you are in a position to have nothing to lose by doing whatever you wish.
2006-12-21 18:40:49 · answer #4 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you are still in a friendly relationship with your wife then the best thing for you to do is date and be open with her about who you're dating. Not necissarily seeking approval but just telling her so she knows but go ahead and date. Have fun. That's what we are born and bred to do.
2006-12-21 17:59:59 · answer #5 · answered by mmmorrow3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello? Anybody in there? She wants you to date because she already has something in the works! Just get the divorce and start freakin' dating already.
2006-12-21 17:58:25 · answer #6 · answered by Hank Hill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man I've seen and heard this a lot. this is why I won't have kids.........ever !!!!!!!!!
As soon as women have a kid, it seems like they don't even care for the husband anymore, like that is what he was there for, to give her a child, what a crock. Dude you guys have a little thing going on that i've never seen, what a strange marriage. Did she do it just to have a child? guess who's gonna pay for that kid?? ill give you one guess and it sure aint me?
merry x mas
2006-12-21 17:59:38 · answer #7 · answered by godzillasagoodman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think about a 45 minute wait is long enough........what are you waiting for, jump back into the game..........dating is like riding a bus, you just have to figure out which stop is the right one for you
2006-12-22 00:12:23 · answer #8 · answered by besthusbandever 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what are you doing? this is a weird situation and you need to find something resembling normal. she's not divorced? get on with your life. find someone that you want to be with and make some good memories with.
2006-12-21 18:00:59 · answer #9 · answered by ♥2323vsb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats good that you are willing to help her out, even if you guys are seperated, but see your son on the weekends atleast.
2006-12-21 17:58:48 · answer #10 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋