I have a problem with tough love; what is your rational for heavy handed love?

Question

By tough love I don't mean books, shows or websites by that name. I mean what is the reasoning behind treating a child with what many term abusive means to get him or her to obey you? Even what is the rational for treating another nation with a heavy hand (war) to get them to comply? In short, where is the love in tough love?

I think I should define love as I see it. Love is having a good will toward another or a group. It is often attended by a deep tender feeling of affection or solicitude. Love is primarily an act rather than a feeling so that one can love another even if one disapproves of or even hates him or her. Many of you have typified tough love as the struggle for dominance; dominate or be dominated is a trap but the adults in a family have to be in control. For a nation the leaders are spokesmen for the people who are humans worthy of such a definition of love.

Answer 1

there is lovein tough love but you're right, these people do go about it wrong. Most of the time this sort of discipline is not effective.

Answer 2

Tough love, at least in the examples you gave, really has nothing to do with love but everything to do with asserting dominance over another. A parent needs to learn to ignore his or her nurturing impulses sometimes and consider the long-term effects: teaching his or her child self-control and principles of fairness and equality. Tough love means accepting that sometimes it's okay for the child to be upset.

If tough love results in negligence or abuse, it's obviously not love at all. The examples you gave show a subtle manipulation of language to justify immoral behavior by extending the concept of tough love to mean simply doing what another person demands.

Answer 3

Tough love is letting your child make his own mistakes, it involves letting go. Abusers know nothing about tough love -- they are the "my way or the highway" people -- they control their children to make them behave according to their whims and fancies. Children growing up in an abusive environment often get a very confused outlook on morality. For example: it's not ok for the kid to bash up his brother but the parents do it all the time to the kids -- what's the real message -- that you can abuse people who are weaker than you or is it that you can grow up and then beat up people?

Tough love example:
It takes a very strong heart to see a child hurt when he makes a mistake and it takes even a stronger man to tell the kid that mistakes happen and life will still be alright; only he mustn't make the same mistake again.

Answer 4

I think you are confused. Tough love isn't abusive. Punishment should always be doled out accompanied by words of explanation. "Johnny, I must spank you because you misbehaved. You knew the rules and broke them. When you do something bad, this spanking will help you remember not to next time"

As far as other nations, sometimes war is necessary for self-preservation. It's not a matter of love or hate, but survival.

Answer 5

I believe the idea is that if you put a person in a position where he or she must learn to fend for his or her self, then they become self-sufficient, which some believe is the best gift you can give a person (teaching a person to fish, so to speak).

I'm not always on board with this idea either, but sometimes it seems appropriate.

Answer 6

I don't know I'm very skeptical of these kind of deviations from the plain truth ....I know they are in disguise I 'm just not sure what it actually is in disguise.
peaceout, roll with the punches and happy hooyas!

Answer 7

tough love is the oxymoron.Classic.Tough love is more about control.Its only use is when the situation is troubled,precisely when support is needed .I think its not creative,or loyal,or forgiving, or supportive,Its boosh wa zee,and authoritarian.Try it on your self.