Mike is 10..everytime he wants something he screams, does not listen, bad screaming behavior?? HELP?

Question

Mike is 10 and everytime he wants something he starts screaming. He is a disruption in school and the teachers ignore him but evntually have to communicate and remind him that he is disruptive. He refuses to do math, and instead watches fish in the aquarium. Teacher asks him to stay seated and he just stands there smiling. Parents have offered him cookies, ice cream for good behavior but has made it worse..the only thing he does not scream for is when he plays video games or plays with the neighbor's dog...whats wrong with him?? how can we improve his behavior?

Answer 1

I work in the mental health field with children who sound alot like Mike. Has he ever been to a professional to talk about his behaviors? He might have Oppositional Defiant Disorder or ADHD and no spanking is not going to solve the problem if this is the case in fact it will make it worse and the behaviors will only increase to the point you will have lost any control.

Answer 2

Some children are just more temperamental than others, and their personality and abilities demand a different kind of parenting style. Disruptive and disobedient children are usually sensitive to reward but rather insensitive to punishment. Spanking and other highly disciplinarian forms of parenting actually model aggression, which especially if combined with other factors (fearlessness, impulsivity, lack of empathy) can result in very serious problems later in life.

Your child seems to crave attention; that's what he finds rewarding—more so than cookies and ice cream. Inappropriate behavior has to be ignored or reprimanded calmly and immediately. However, emphasis should be placed on rewarding positive behavior. He may enjoy acting, singing, comedy, or a competitive sport. Empathic parenting is crucial.

Answer 3

Bad behavior is often-times reinforced, even when people believe they are combatting it. That's because the displeasure the person feels is not fully communicated. Especially with a parent/adult and child, an adult attempts to use subtlety and finesse with someone whose abstract reasoning skills are still under-developed, it is like ships passing in the night.

Screaming is very much a concrete way of expressing (and therefore validating) one's feelings. A screaming child, or screaming adult for that matter, is screaming to be heard, to be recognized. Actually, ignoring his behavior is only encouraging more outrageous behavior because, unlike an adult's reasoning that one is being shamed, Mike reasons that he is being ignored or given permission.

What Mike needs is to have the attention focused intently upon him, but in a way that the pressure of it slowly bends him into obeying. Whenever Mike starts acting out, the teacher needs to stop the class and have everyone stare at Mike for as long as he acts out his behavior. The more the children are involved in the process, and the more the children understand that they are also being 'inconvienced' by his behavior, the more the group behavior will make Mike conform. It is one thing for his teacher to reprimand or rebuke him (his respect and understanding of authority is limited to a dissonant us/them) but when his fellow peers also start reprimanding him, that is too much evidence to ignore.

Likewise, when Mike does something good (like going the whole day with no disruptions) not only the teacher but the whole class must join together in thanking him. Mike sounds like he is having trouble adjusting to belonging to a group or being part of a group identity, and is rebelling by being an extreme individual. Showing him how being part of a group can be a good thing, as well as a bad thing, might be what motivates him to adapt.

Also, forcing him to adapt in group situations must be balanced (and rewarded) by time allowed to be spent alone doing what he likes. It is the repetition of such patterns, (adapting in groups, being an individual) that will create the connection between acting in groups and being allowed to act by oneself.

Punishment, also, must be tailored at home to discourage results. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum, firm consistent denial (and its repetition) is the only way to convince a child that such behavior is not allowed. Even if one does not take away anything from the boy, that does not mean that he has to be rewarded extra either. That means no special treats, no extra gifts, no other privledges, nada. And it must be set in small increments (a week at the most). For a whole week, any disruptive behavior during that time period means that he will not be rewarded at week's end. Period. No ifs/ands/buts, no maybes. Again, one does not have to add extra extra punishments, but it is more important to make sure that any extra requests are also denied, and that the connection is made between his behavior and his ability to not do things. Even if he storms off into his room constantly, his inability to acquire what it is he wants (whatever it might be) will slowly create within him the realization that if he does such and such, he will get such and such.

One can even set longer goals, but one has to really really tailor those goals to something that Mike really wants (getting him an aquarium sounds like an interesting idea). Children start off simple so their understandings must be made simple: it is only from a solid understanding of black and white that a child eventually learns to explore the shades of grey they can make.

Answer 4

Simple. Bad parenting. How did Mike learn to scream when he wanted something? He learned this behaviour because he was rewarded when he did it. Undoubtedly you would give him what he wanted to shut him up instead of actually disciplining your child. Did you think he would "grow out of" this behaviour? Hardly. You have re-inforced it constantly.

He doesn't need medication. He doesn't need counselling. He needs to be told NO YOU CANNOT HAVE IT. And if it persists he gets a smack. You have a 3 year old son, NOT a 10 year old. Treat him as such and perhaps, PERHAPS he won't be a total waste of a life.

Answer 5

It seems that video games is all he enjoys, so, tell him that he can have 5 minutes of video games for every behavior he changes, ten years are old enough to understand,
Otherwise, he will not be allowed to play .He has to earn his time with the games or nothing at all.

Answer 6

I am gonna say a beating. Lock him in a closet. Chain him to a chair. But the most likely cause is.......... you need to spend more time with him. Read a book with him and throw out the video games and TV they are not good babysitters ; ) If that still does not work he may need medicine. Ritalin....

Answer 7

sounds like he's spoiled rotten brat..I think a good butt spanking would be a good idea too. You may not believe in spanking but it works...Do you want him to be in juv. hall by the time he's 13. he will be or earlier..

Answer 8

I know someone who has a really good answer t this question on his web page. I'm not joking either, use his advice!

Answer 9

Spanking would be appropriate. Yes i said it, what you gonna do? lol damn heathens.