if you have a friend....?

Question

if you have a friend who you felt wasn't quite on the same level as you as far as what you wanted the friendship to be, would you talk to them about it, or just let it be? with this friend, i'm always the one calling to chat, and i feel as though if i just stopped calling, she wouldn't be picking up the phone on her end, and we would drift apart. the same goes for wanting to hang out, i'm always the one bringing it up. i don't mind doing it you understand, it's just that i don't think, or at least i'm fairly unsure if she would take it upon herself to do the same if need be. what i'm thinking is that i should bring it up, and just see if maybe the phone calls are more for me, or if maybe there's a reason that she doesn't take the initiative on her end. she's also really bad at returning phone calls. i'm not talking about ending the friendship, because i think the world of her, but should i have this conversation? am i thinking along the right lines? any advice would be appreciated!

Answer 1

I used to be this friend. I was always really shy but I had a best friend who used to complain that I called her less than she called me, etc. The trouble was, any time I did call her she was busy and any time I asked her to hang out, she only wanted to on her terms. I told her I thought she was too controlling, but I also thought she was demanding for "keeping track" of how many times she called me versus how many times I called her. She seemed vindicitive and I got tired of it. When I got a boyfriend, he was a much different person and I got to see what it was like when someone diddn't "punish" me for being myself. And I found myself calling more because I wanted to, not because I felt like someone was making me feel guilty.

Anyway, just don't pressure your friend because she might start getting annoyed and feel like you're judging her. You can ask what she'd really like to do and do it, but don't tell her what to do.

Answer 2

The thing about relationships is we all bring in our own expectations and wants. Not everyone is wired the same and we can't assume that others will act just like we do. If you haven't said something like "Gee, would you give me a call next weekend?" or something to that effect, she may not even be aware that you are the one making all the contact. I have a friend like that. I seem to always be the one to contact them, and then they respond to what I say. Sometimes It does feel out of balance and it does bug me some, but not enough to end the relationship because they mean a great deal to me. I'd say just talk honestly and see where it goes from there. But don't do it in a way that is pressuring them, that never goes over well.

Answer 3

First you have too find out if she has a man, if she doesn't then ask her how would she feel about going on a real date with you.
if she doesn't get what your trying too say, tell her how much you care about her and see if she feels the same. if she dose congrats if not you both can still be friends, but you have too look at it as just that. hope it all works out.

Answer 4

well yah my friend who jus moved to japan used to email me alot and we would go for hours on end, but then she stopped and got a new life we still talk sometimes but its for me
if shes doing that even thought you guys are close, you should keep trying to tell her how you feel about her ignorance (yes ignorance) and ask her if your friendship ever ment anything to her
then see if how she answers
if its something positive remain friends but dont be consistent on her and try to keep it going by doing some activities together
good luck =]