How can I help them through this?
2006-12-21 16:22:01 · 14 answers · asked by STY 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just be the best dad you can be and let them know none of this was their fault,,,,, and how much you love them. Good luck, and Merry Christmas.
2006-12-21 16:24:59 · answer #1 · answered by avery 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure that you don't make your problems theirs and try very hard to still be on friendly terms with your ex.
I am a divorce attorney and too often I see parents use the kids as pawns, discuss their problems with the other parent with the kids, or talk poorly about the other parent the the children. I am not saying that you are doing any of these, but numerous studies show that how kids cope with divorce depends on the parents relationships with each other.
It does not take a genius to see that any tension between the parents is felt by the children. The children love both of you and feel torn by loyalty, etc. when caught in the middle.
It would be good to go into family therapy with the kids. Even tho they are young, kids need to sort thru this life changing even and feel like it is not their fault. Make sure you discuss this with your ex so the she does not feel left out or take counseling the wrong way.
Remember although you are not legally married to your ex, you still are a family "unit" for your children and your address changed, but not your role in your children's lives.
2006-12-22 00:32:49 · answer #2 · answered by Legal_Beagle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read to them about divorce. Go to your library and check out some children's books that deal with divorce. This helps introduce the transition at their level and makes it more understandable for them. Keep instilling into them that this is not their fault. Children often think their parenst seperate because of them. They are fast to self blame. Reinforce your love for them through time, talking and most of all ...listening.I am so sad for your children, but it's probably the best thing for them anyway.Never speak ill of their mother to them or in front of them. This will bring back the self blame and when they are grown they may remember dad was the guy who was mean to mommy and made her cry.
2006-12-22 00:27:42 · answer #3 · answered by vince 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi~ I have been thru this twice! The best thing I did was find a family counselor~ my boys thought of it as a way to talk about "stuff" ~they drew pic's, did puzzles,etc. All the while the counselor was talking to them & getting feedback~Also, the whole, time, I was able to observe the whole interchange via a 2-way type mirror (they were 3 & 5 yrs old) Then we would go out for pizza or ice cream ! Good Luck & God Bless!~
2006-12-22 00:40:47 · answer #4 · answered by alicia o 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about a therapist?
You haven't given really any insight into what went on...
but having gone from living with both parents to one
would have to be traumatic.
I am sure you will do your best to provide a loving, nuturing home for them. Also, take care of yourself through this new chapter in your life. I too am a single parent....it's difficult and hope the best for you and your boys.
2006-12-22 00:28:52 · answer #5 · answered by Edisto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you spend time with them, at no time do you bad mouth mama, no matter what happened. Don't spoil with gifts and junk remember they just need you and your love. And truth be known if you encounter any problems, counseling will help even kids that age. Good luck and take care. Remember a hug and an I love you goes a long way
2006-12-22 00:27:09 · answer #6 · answered by Virginia C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids have a way of placing blame on themselves. Just make sure you are aware of that, and let them know that they are NOT at all to blame. They are feeling lots of uncertainty, and hopefully, your ex will not try to turn them against you, and vise versa. Your love for them, nor you ex's love for them will not change. They will have a mom and dad, its just that they no longer live together. It is and will be their family, just a little different sleeping arrangements. Sorry they have to go thru this. Good luck.
2006-12-22 02:49:51 · answer #7 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI!
I am sorry for you and the boys. If you have sole custody just keep them busy and love them. If they see their mom, no matter how youy feel never i mean never say a bad thing about her and let them know they have both parents. Love them and be ther efor them. This will be a long road to travewl. Good Luck
2006-12-22 00:27:04 · answer #8 · answered by -------- 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that You need to be as active and a positive role model in their lives for their sake so they can still feel secure about having you as a dad. You need not to let your ex interfere with your relationship with your sons and be a constant picture in your sons lives.
2006-12-22 00:28:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend lots of time with them and dont let the mfeel bad about you being divorsed. get a part time job where you can still have time to help with your kids.
2006-12-22 00:25:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋