am 31 weeks pregnant. I am thankful to have made it this far in my pregnancy with my so far healthy little girl. I have been having a rough past 3 days. My husband has told me that he married me while still in love with his ex and he took my virginity and he didnt even love me at the time. This is horrible news for me.
He has put me through so much since we have been married -- porn addiction, trying to meet women on myspace, carrying pictures of his ex in his wallet and wouldnt carry my pictures, mentally and emotionally abusing me... I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like im becoming weak because today I said if I wasnt pregnant I would commit suicide. I do not need to kill myself + I wont because I love my child and I would really like to raise my child and im so afraid that shes going to die because I have been very upset and crying. Im so ashamed of myself because she is going to have a trash bag of a father. I need to leave him but I am very sick. What should I do?
2006-12-21 15:52:54 · 24 answers · asked by losing my way 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
and no, he wont talk to me because he says the LORD is leaning on him to go to sleep and not chase behind me.
I dont have anyone to talk to about this.
2006-12-21 15:53:00 · update #1
Also, im having some pains in my lower pelvic area (not bad but dull and faint feeling) also, im having Diarrhea now.
Should I go to the ER ? Could this be preterm labor?
2006-12-21 15:54:13 · update #2
OK, first things first...
31-week-old babies do NOT die because of their mother's emotions. She's not going to die because you're upset. Can not happen. Period.
Second... Even in the Catholic Church (and I pick them because they're pretty darn strict on marriage) you would have grounds for annullment. As in, the marriage wasn't valid -- because he never entered it honestly -- and you have no reason to feel guilt for turning your back and walking away.
BUT... 31 weeks pregnant is hardly the time to be putting yourself through something as stressful as that...
Is there someone you can go to? A family member? (Your mother?) A friend? Someone you can stay with for a few weeks until the baby gets here, to give you a respite from what you're facing at home?
Is there anyone you can talk to? How about your pastor?
Someone to help get you through this time, and through the weeks after your beautiful daughter gets here, until you have the strength and wherewithal to leave him.
We are never given challenges without also being given the strength to face those challenges. You can get through this. But you don't have to go it alone. Find someone you can turn to, and let them help you find that strength.
You deserve better than him.
And you will find it.
2006-12-21 16:14:01 · answer #1 · answered by Katherine Blackthorne 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
y first husband was horrible. He was both physically and emotionally. I left him when my daughter was 2. It was the best thing I ever did. She is now 20 and a sophomore in college and he is and always was a GREAT father.. just a really bad husband. I am guessing you are young because of some of the things you have said he has done. I would contact your family if you can and get the hell out. It is far better to be a single parent than live in an abusive home. I have since remarried (11yrs) to a wonderful man and have 3 other children. It's GREAT to be in a loving marriage. You owe to yourself to find a man that will treat you with all the love and passion you deserve. Good luck.
2006-12-22 00:06:52 · answer #2 · answered by GI 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, my heart goes out to you. Firstly, I want you to know that God will never give you more than you can handle, so pick your head up and be strong for you and your baby. Do you have family you can turn to? If you do, pack your bags and go to a family members house, or a close friends. I pray there is someone you can turn to. You and your baby are better off without this jerk. If you stay with him your baby will grow up in an unstable household. As for the pains and such that you are feeling, go with your gut, if you think something is wrong, by all means go to the ER. You are under enough stress as it is. I hope I helped, keep me posted on how things go. Good Luck and be strong!! You have been blessed with a child for a reason!
2006-12-22 00:01:16 · answer #3 · answered by Aubrey's Mommy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow hun, try to take a deep breath. This really saddens me! I don't understand how anyone-man or woman could do something like this. One thing- if he is putting way too much stress on you-you really need to get away from him... if you can, go to a family member or friend and stay with them. You do NOT deserve any of this, and the stress is not good for your sweet girl.... however, I do not think you'll lose her. But if there are ways you can make yourself happy, you need to be strong and do it. Nobody wants to be divorced, but when this whole marriage was a lie because of him in the first place, you need one. This pig will not change. I'm sorry. Trust me on this though- there are others out there. You do not want to hear that at this time I'm sure. And it may take you a while to find a special someone. You will have your sweet baby girl to focus on in the mean time, she will take up all of your energy, trust me!
I have to say this as well- as a daughter of divorced parents (who were married 24-almost 25 yrs)... my mom for some reason-not sure why to this day divorced my dad. I look up to my dad. He is sweet, caring, kind, and loving. He would never cheat on my mom, never did, never did anything harmful to her... he was a good Dad, and honestly, I've always looked for a partner who met a level so high I put my dad on. This took me years and years- men who cheated, lied, flirted with anyone and everyone, abused me sexually, degraded me, was emotionally abusive, etc etc. I had almost given up entirely... that's when my grandmother told me, You will find someone when you least expect it. And then it happened. I met my husband. I thought we'd be good friends, but he turned to kiss me, and he was such a great guy- and I realized, he's not my dad, but pretty darn close. I'm not trying to be gross when saying this- it's just I really need a GOOD guy who won't cheat or do anything bad to me. So I will tell you the same, you WILL find someone new eventually-give it time, and don't wait for it to happen. It will when you least expect it to.
For now, leave your husband, get support from a family member or friend, and raise your precious baby. You have something to live for now- I was the same in the past- thinking about suicide when bad things happened... but what saved me was my family. When times are at an all time low- they ALWAYS come back up... I know this was always true for myself in many cases. Hang in there. I will pray for you. You are going to be a great Mommy. And you don't need your daughter looking up to a bad father. She may in the long run end up sticking with a bad man herself and settle, and you don't want that.
Goodluck, you deserve much better. If you need to talk, I can always be there for you- carebearsrsweet930@yahoo.com.
2006-12-22 01:43:44 · answer #4 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Crying and being upset will not effect your baby. You need to get counseling. Talk to your pastor or find a marriage counselor. They will help you figure out if you should cut your loses and leave your husband or stay and work things out. He married you for a reason so must have feelings for you. Maybe he is punishing you when he is really trying to punish himself. Could be a number of things that is why you need to seek professional help with or without your husband. They will help you through this. Being pregnant doesn't help, hormones etc
It doesn't sound like you are in labor just emotionally drained but still be aware if you are having contractions you need to contact your doctor. Good luck to you and may the Peace of the Lord be with you.
2006-12-22 00:06:38 · answer #5 · answered by judybug 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry you have to go thro this, please Hun do what you know is best, what is your gut telling you? he's a low life selfish jerk and if he hasn't changed by now (meaning you being pregnant) then he'll never change down the road. I hate men who treat women and their unborn children this way, it leaves you with so much stress. Go somewhere, where you know you'll be okay and pray to god, he will give you strength to help you & your baby. Don't stress out the baby it needs you more then anything else right now, the pains you are feeling are probably from stress and go see your doctor so he can check up on you, let him know whats going on. And for your husband. Divorce him, get child support and move on with your life, you and your child will be just fine without him, And i wont doubt down the road he would try to come back to try to work things out, and thats funny how things happen, because they only do that when they know your truly happy & moved on your own life or with someone else. I beleive god will help you. My heart goes out for you & your baby. keep me updated hun. i am so sorry.I know in the end you will be okay.
2006-12-22 00:09:04 · answer #6 · answered by ♥!BabyDoLL!♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, now you know that not all people who profess to be "Christian" are really Christian. You've got to stop beating yourself up. Ok, so you made a mistake (haven't we all) but you've got to stay strong for the baby. There is someone out there that is right for you and your baby, you've just got to have patients. You don't deserve the SOB. He'll get his in the end. Do you have any parents or siblings you can talk to? How bout someone at church? You need mental support right now. Pray and ask God what direction you should go. He will guide you and give you the peace you need. He didn't put you on earth to be miserable. He has a plan for you...just ask.
2006-12-22 00:07:15 · answer #7 · answered by Becky F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my gosh. I'm not christian but I can tell you that commiting sucide and showing that guy that he got the better of you is not the way to go. He sounds like a total waste of skin. You deserve better than that, I hope you find a man thats gonna treat you and your beautifull baby girl right. Go to your family if your feeling weak, I sure they all love you and would be horribly upset if you killed yourself. Just remeber that their are other great people out in the world and this idiot your with is only one of the bad people that don't know a thing about being humane and nice to other human beings.
Good luck and be strong :)
2006-12-22 00:03:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would rather raise a child alone than deal with a man like that. I am sorry that he is a jerk and maybe you should find family or friends to stay with so he does not stress you out and cause you or your baby any harm. He is obviously not a man if he has to treat you like that. This is the worst time to be stressed and want to end your life. For the sake of yours and your babys health...get away from him. Trust me. You dont need him. There are good people out there that can help you and that care about you.
2006-12-22 00:00:59 · answer #9 · answered by DevelopedBeauty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow girl.. I think you need to kick him out now... You need the house for the baby and all her things are there.. you can't move that stuff out now. I would get him gone before the baby leaves, he is adding stress to you by being there.
First, your baby won't die from stress at this point, but it can bring on labour
Second, you have a reason to live.. .your daughter
Third, if you are worried, go to ER, but I would right now kick him out before the baby comes (if he refuses to leave call your brother or someone to have a man to man and then change the locks). with him gone the only stress you have it getting over him
Fourth, pray, get your bible, put on worship music and remember 'all things work out for good'... God has a plan... all you have to do is follow it and you will see the path. Even when you feel blind.. you will know the way, even unciously.
Fifth, about yoour 'baby's dad being trash'. No baby is ever an accident. This baby and it's genes were a miracle by God. Without this father, this child would not be who she is meant to be. She needed these genes and expereinces for the journey God has for her. So let itgo to God. He has a plan... and his plan is perfect.. .even though it sucs to you right now. She is perfect to God, genes, parents and all. She is not less becuase her daddy made crappy decisions (I realized this after my babies daddy turned out to be someone totally scary)... It is all meant to be. Follow your heart. Stay in the Word
2006-12-22 00:04:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋