Pregnant Christian and need comforting advice?

Question

I am 31 weeks pregnant. I am thankful to have made it this far in my pregnancy with my so far healthy little girl. I have been having a rough past 3 days. My husband has told me that he married me while still in love with his ex and he took my virginity and he didnt even love me at the time. This is horrible news for me.
He has put me through so much since we have been married -- porn addiction, trying to meet women on myspace, carrying pictures of his ex in his wallet and wouldnt carry my pictures, mentally and emotionally abusing me... I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like im becoming weak because today I said if I wasnt pregnant I would commit suicide. I do not need to kill myself + I wont because I love my child and I would really like to raise my child and im so afraid that shes going to die because I have been very upset and crying. Im so ashamed of myself because she is going to have a trash bag of a father. I need to leave him but I am very sick. What should I do?

and no, he wont talk to me because he says the LORD is leaning on him to go to sleep and not chase behind me.
I dont have anyone to talk to about this.

Answer 1

Leave, take everything with you and take him for child support. He's taken you for enough now it's his turn to be taken.

Answer 2

Wow, I feel your pain. What's done is done and cannot be changed. Try to focus on the future; what's best for you and your daughter. 1st: Do you currently attend church? If not, you should. If you are a Christian, there's no reason for you not to. This is a testing time for you and you need to recognize that you cannot do it alone, that you need the help of God in order to make it. Many Christians have gone astray because they have separated themselves from the source. Just as a single cell could not survive without the body, the believer cannot survive in the hostile environment from this world without being connected to the body of Christ -his church. 2nd: Does your family know about any of this? You NEED to REMOVE yourself from this hostile environment. Nothing is more important right now than the safety and well-being of both of you. Seek the help of a relative or a church member. If you can move in with your parents, that would be the best thing. Try to find someone whom you are close to and feel comfortable talking to. Preferrably someone mature, who can give you useful advice, perhaps siblings, an uncle, etc. 3rd: Seek counseling for yourself first and eventually for your husband (if you still want to give your marriage a chance). Seek the advice of a pastor. I won't advocate that you seek the advice of 'professional psychologists' because their beliefs are fundamentally different from that of believers. They could probably tell you to divorce the guy, get over it, move on, etc. But they won't be able to tell you why, and won't be able to give you peace. 4th: Pray and study your Bible daily, several times a day. The more you call on His name, the closer He'll draw to you. 5th: Get this book: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It'll help you tremendously. Oh, and don't forget, try to relax and leave it all to the Almighty, because any stress you may have can affect your baby and you might go into early labor.
Trust the Lord your God and in all ways acknowledge Him. Know that He has a plan for you and everything has a purpose for being. Don't forget, He's the Creator of the Universe, He parted the Seas for Moses to cross, and there's is nothing too difficult for Him to handle. If you will do all these suggestions I have given you, I trust that you will feel much better as you grow in His knowledge. Hope this helps and may the Lord bless you and your child.

Answer 3

Look in the phone book right now -- find the number for the nearest abuse shelter, and while your husband is out and about -- give them a call -- and talk ... because they WILL Listen and be able to help you through this difficult time if you pay attention to their advice.

You need to stop crying .. this is NOT your fault -- it is HIS --

The good thing is that you recognize this IS Abuse -- and at this point, stress on you is going to stress your baby as well ... which is why you need to find the Abuse Shelter and Hotline and get their help and advice.

Make a safety plan for yourself/your soon-to-be-born child -- do you have any family you can go to for help? Any Friends? Any way of supporting yourself when you do leave this horror?

Please start putting money aside (as well as what you can -- even if you have to rent a small storage locker or start shipping things to your family member's home in boxes) -- just do it -- a little at a time, so that you will be able to set up your own household.

Then ... get the safety plan done -- one where you have your skills written down (and get a job), open your own bank account, start making plans to be a SINGLE MOM.

You already know that you have the COURAGE to LEAVE -- now just take the next steps and start leaving ...

The reason I keep emphasizing this .. is BECAUSE ...

I, myself had a short disaster of a marriage to a violent, abusive ex -- one who took everything from me (including the savings I had from MY Earnings), and yes, I FLED with my infants with me -- and DID make it as a Single Mom.

The ABUSE will NOT stop with the arrival of the baby -- in fact, it will accelerate and get worse -- always worse. He may even start to abuse the baby since he will see the child as an extension of the one that he holds in complete contempt (you).

Answer 4

I would see if you could get some good christian counseling because this is a ton to deal with!! It would be great to go both by yourself and as a couple. However, if your husband is like most men, he won't go--at least right away. He might go later on. Keep praying to the Lord to work on his heart regarding counseling and your marriage. Have strength because your marriage can be saved!

I am a Christian divorce attorney which many may say that this is an oxy moron. However, I really feel like the Lord has lead me to practice in this area. I struggled for years on how a Christian practice divorce law. The Lord has also shown me that he does not want anyone to have their spirit crushed, destroyed or hurt by being in an abusive relationship. Abuse can be physical or mental.

While most Christians agree that it is acceptable to divorce for physical abuse, many are divided on mental abuse. To make a long story short, my own journey has revealed to me that it is also "acceptable" (for the lack of a better word) to divorce for mental abuse. In your situation, while it may not seem so to you, your husband appears to be mentally abusive. I am not saying that you should divorce him, but that if after prayer and counseling nothing changes or gets worse, divorce may be what you need to do for yourself and your child.

Having a child is a joy, but also a stress on a marriage. For people in distress before, a child can put them over. Do as much as you can right now before your child is born, don't delay and put off working on these difficult issues.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 5

Tell him you are going to live with your parents for a while. Tell him you need some space to figure out if he is worth holding on to. See what reaction you get. If he doesnt care now he wont care 10 years from now! Child support is atleast 18 years that should wake him up! Hang in their Life has ups and downs, when you hold your baby you will be a new person a mom and nobody can take that from you! Sounds like he is immature and you are very mature. good luck and keep in touch with relatives almost daily.

Answer 6

I am so sorry you are going through this. from what you have said, it sounds that this relationship will not be able to recover easily from what has happened. I think you know that you need to get out of it if it is making you feel as bad as you are right now.

if you have family or friends who can help you during this time, I would turn to them and let them help you find a different place to live even if it is temporary while you and your guy figure out what it is you want.

You will be doing the right thing by taking care of yourself and your child. You want to be surrounded with love and a positive environment and it doesn't sound like you are going to get that where you are now.

Be strong. You know in your heart what you will need to do.

Answer 7

I am so sorry you have to go through this its bad when you are in love with someone and they sont feel the same about you i hope that you have pray to god about this sometimes you wonder how men can do and say somethings but you know what its only going to make you stronger in the end i thought i was have a hard time in my marriage until i read this i think for you and your unborn child it would be best if you let him go its very clear he didnt marry you because he love you he is in love with someone else do you think that will chang

Answer 8

Ok, I wonder how old are you? How sick are you? Go to your doctor and proceed with as healthy a pregnancy as you can. You are in the process of creating a miracle! Your SO lucky!!! Drop the loser husband now. The lord is on your side, he gave YOU the wonderful baby. Divorce the husband, get support for your baby and one at a time tackle the problems. Don't let them overwhelm you, just fix things one at a time. Your job now is to take care of yourself because you count right now. A wonderful man that is just right for you is walking the planet at this moment. When the time is right, you'll meet. Happiness is out there. Don't rush to find it, it will find you.

Answer 9

talk to your parents... everything you describe is awful, but the fact you're pregnant leads you to suicidal thought and thinking the situation is unbearable. You need to see a doctor for the baby's sake. He should tell you how to keep the baby healthy. For your sake you should leave this man. you are strong and do not need him, because he's making YOUR life miserable. He'll hurt your children more than he'll help them. Do you still have a good relationship with you parents?? If so talk to them...obviously you need to talk to someone if you're asking Yahoo Answers. Do not be embarrased it's not your fault you were innocent and this awful man tricked you. If you deside to leave him you may be able to move in with him or a friend. If you try sticking it out, you MUST solve your marriage problems. Everyone goes through problems, so SOLVE them. Either solve your problems or dump this guy. You're young and have alot of life left, but you don't need to waste it on this guy if he continues this behavior.

Answer 10

AS A CHRISTIAN I HAVE FOUND GOD DOESNT GIVE US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE EVEN THOUGH WE WONDER JUST HOW STRONG DOES GOD THINK I AM !!
WHEN I WAS 21 AND WAITING FOR OUR 1ST SON MY GRAND FATHER DIED I GOT QUITE UPSET AND HAD TO BE PUT TO BED I WORRIED THAT ALL THIS WOULD HURT MY SON AND TRIED NOT TO CRY OR WORRY ABOUT MY GRAND MA BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT I AM HUMAN SO THAT HELPED I WAS WORRING ABOUT WORRNG
AS FOR YOU YOU NEED TO TRY AND STAY CALM SOME MEN SAY THINGS THEY REGRET AFTER WHEN THEY HAVE A PRGENT WIFE THEY GET SCARED AND ACT STUPID NOT A VERY HOLY WORD BUT NEVER THE LESS TRUE
DONT RUSH IN TO ANY THING BUT IF THE STRESS IS TOO MUCH THEN GO STAY WITH A FRIEND OR YUR FOLKS TIL AFTER THE BABY IS BORN AND IF IT MAKES YOU FILL BETTER I SHOULD TELL YOU MY 3 YR OLD GRANDSON WAS BORN 71/2 WEEKS EARLY AND HE IS A HEALTHY LIL BOY AT 3FT 2INCH AND 40LBS AND HE LAYS HIS HANDS ON WHAT HURTS YOU AND PRAYS THIS PRAYER " MAKE IT BETTER " A-MEN!! HE S JUST TOO CUTE IF HE GET HURT I PRAYAND ALL IS WELL YOU KNOW THE FAITH OF A CHILD IS WHAT WE NEED I PRAY YOU REMEMBER YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER IS IN CHARGE AND HE WILL PORTECT YOU THREW IT ALL ALSO REMEMBR THIS TOO SHALL PASS ITS MY FAVORIT SAYNG IT GET ME THREW GOD BLESS

Answer 11

The Lord?? oh boy using religion huh? I would advise you to seek counseling, because you can harm yourself especially while giving birth? Porn is an addiction many guys have, and it's hard to just get rid of. Meeting women on myspace while married is a little weird. Sounds like this guy has a lot of emotional problems. Do you have parents? sisters? brothers?
Pleas talk to someone, don't hurt yourself.