How do I develop social self confidence if I have really nowhere to start from????????

Question

I'm a 20 yearold college student. I am incredibley shy. I maybe talk to 6 or 7 people at school, and that's it. I don't have any close friends (don't do anything outside of school with anyone). Because of this and my lack of friends, I have basically no self-confidence in social situations. I always feel awkward when I talk to people, and there are always many awkward pauses in the conversation. Personally I don't see why anyone would want to talk to me, so I tend to be very quiet among people I don't know very very well. I know that to get confidence I need to "dive in head first," but where do I start? I can't just have a conversation, or join in a discussion without getting very nervous (I start to sweat) and feeling awkward.

I don't want to make this my family's issue either, it would become a whole thing..

Answer 1

There is no way you can "dive in head first." When I first meet someone, unless I immediately 'click' with that person, it takes me a while to feel comfortable talking to him or her. So, I know where you're coming from there. Why don't you see why anyone would want to talk to you? You may be shy, but you seem like a nice guy.
I'm older than you, but if you'd like an online friend to talk to, feel free to email me.

Answer 2

How did you get to be talking to those 6 or 7 people? Also, I read the anwers before me, and they are all good. Now with respect to your "Dive in head first" maybe you don't wanna do that. If you don't know how deep it is, you can wind up with stitches on the forehead, and that would just give you new issues to deal with --we don't want that... What are your interests? You like sports? You play Chess? You wear women's underwear? (that was a joke...) My point here is that you can give yourself a sort of crutch to lean on. I have no clue, but let's say you are really into comic books. Maybe there are no comic book clubs on campus, but perhaps there are comic book stores around the place. You need some practice talking to people... Put yourself in "friendly" surroundings, meaning be in places that will give you the most advantages to succeed. Now if you don't quite follow me, as an example, don't hang out in a bar that is next door to a convention hall that is holding a sales seminar... On the other hand, you have read a ton of comic books! Put yourself in a comic book store. It's a lot easier to talk about stuff you know something about, isn't it? I just got another idea... Take a psychology class. When the most opportune time presents itself (like when you are discussing something related) ask the prof a question about being shy. "I have a question about shyness... What is it about being shy that makes it so difficult to talk to people?" First of all, in asking this, you don't give a crap what the prof says, but I want you to watch the rest of the class. I'm hopeful that one or two more shy people might jump on your lead and continue this conversation. (It was just an idea, I haven't fleshed it out yet. I have no idea if this would work!) But regardless, if one or two people jump up with follow up questions, maybe you have someone else to talk to. "Hey, I noticed you answering that question today in class. Have you really ever felt shyness?" You get what I'm trying to convey. There are different strategies...

Answer 3

It might be a cliche, but start one step at a time. Begin by gaining confidence with people, and you can do that by looking people in the eye. Not staring at them, but when people look at you, don't look away. Look them in the eye back. People respect that. AND SMILE. This is important, because most of the time you'll get a smile back, and that'll help you feel better.

You should also keep in mind that other people aren't socially perfect just because you're shy. That's probably what you're thinking, "Wow, they make it look so easy," but everyone's got hang ups. Don't think about them judging you or making fun of you. The vast majority of people are forgiving, keep that in mind. So instead of worrying about what they think of you, think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Visualize it before you go ahead and do it. It'll work out.

One step at a time!

Answer 4

I dont think you need to dive in at all...find common ground with people. If someones wearing a family guy t-shirt and you like family guy...have a chat about it. (Or something to that affect) I used to be EXACTLY the same, it just takes time.

Talk to people in environments where you feel comfortable...dont feel as though you must dazzle a room full of your peers just because other people can do so. Good luck dude

Answer 5

in your whole life youll be lucky if you can say youve had one single true friend.The rest are not important enough to get nervous about because they just want to manipulate you for their own gain.Be who you are when your by yourself and dont try to be sociable if your shy its not your nature.If you want to have a bunch of fake friends and be popular then use money,thats the easiest quikest way.If you want real friends theres a vatamin you can take its called B1.That obligates you to be truly who you are.At least then you know those who choose to be with you like you for real and if you would have it any other way then you dont like yourself so why expect anyone else to either

Answer 6

Take communication. Is there a toastmaster at your school?

I know the feeling. I'm still shy but I'm trying. Listen to other people what they say and how they talk to others; you can pick up the same line and use at another gathering. Hope it helps.

Answer 7

Movies,,, you need someone you can look up to... someone who will inspire you... a role model.....do you know anyone out there who you think it's cool ,,,etc.... Think about them... their personalities,,,,the stuff they do every day and try to become like them...Read magazines,,,,you can get ideas from everywhere....
Be happy because most people will choose to hang around happy people not miserable ones....
Good luck...