is my husband in the right?

Question

my husband dispises a male friend of mine... here's the reason why... my husband was deployed to iraq.. we were expecting our first child during his 2 week leave that they gave him to come home... while we were in the hospital prepping for the cesarian delivery of our son, my friend of 2 years called our cell phone... my husband and i met and married shortly before his deployment so he was never able to meet my male friend... anyways, my husband doesn't like him b/c of this and he says that i have to choose... it's either him or my friend... he's threating to divorce me over this... i need advice of the public... is my husband being a controlling prick? or is he in the right?

this is just how it is.. there's nothing else to it... my hubby doesn't like him b/c he called when the baby was being born... my hubby is not in iraq right now, so that's not the case either... this happend almost a year ago, and he's still pissed about it... he keeps telling me that i cheated on him with this guy friend of mine... which of course i didn't... i havn't cheated on any of my b/f's or whatever since grade school... my hubby is the one that cheated on ALL his g/f's... and he tells me that i'm the longest relationship he's EVER had... so WTF? i feel lost... GAH!

i forgot one more thing... i can't bring my male friend around b/c my husband threatens to get physically violent with my friend... i havn't seen my friend in almost 18-19 months

Answer 1

He is totally in the right. The only reason why the other guy is hanging out with you is to get in your pants. If you don't believe me, offer the guy sex. If he says yes, then you are wrong, and your husband is right. If he says no, then you are right, and he is wrong. What the hell do you think the guy is going to say?!?!? Don't kid yourself. Your personality is not that interesting.

Answer 2

Well, I personally think that he's being a controlling prick. Kidding...I shouldn't call him a prick, but he is being unreasonable. Perhaps he is just a little insecure over the fact that he's not there for you while this other guy is. I think it would be best if you talk to him about how there is nothing going on between you and this friend of your aside from a platonic friendship and he has no reason to worry. Then introduce your male friend to him so they can see each other face to face. Hopefully when your husband met this friend of your, it'll put him at ease. Good luck! I hope your delivery was well.

Answer 3

Well the first thing that you need to ask yourself is how much trust is there in your relationship? Is there any reason for your husband not to trust you? If not then I would explain that he is only a friend and that would hope that he would feel secure enough in your marriage that he wouldn't be threatened by the friendship of another man. Then I would plan a nice low key dinner and arrange a evening together, the three of you, to set back and drink a bottle of wine and exchange stories. Make sure that you make your husband feel comfortable by touching him on the shoulder or back and let him know that he is the man in your life. If your friend is a good friend he will try to make him feel comfortable as well. I believe that everyone is afraid and insecure about things/people that they don't know, and maybe they can end up being friends too.......It worked for me!!!

Answer 4

Tell your friend he has to stay away. That your husband does not understand, does not know him, and is afraid he will loose you to him. YOur husband has no idea of what is going on behind his back and he is afraid of loosing his family. Your friend should understand that, and so should you. YOu are both wrong.~!! But two wrongs don't make a right. You married your husband and now have a family. You would be more wrong to destroy that over a friendship. Your child needs a father and a mother. Grow up , be responsible for the life you choose. Maybe some day he could be your husbands friend not yours. but don't count on it. Get a girlfriend. You should not be with other men even it they are just friends. How would you like it if your husband brought home his girlfriend ?? and spent alot of time with her while you were at home with a child. HUMMM...Better get it together or you will be alone. If he is really your friend he will leave you alone and go away your friend...Good luck.

Answer 5

Your husband is wrong,but you are as well. Being deployed, alot of relationships end because spouses cheat,so your husband is probably insecure seeing how that's something he also has to worry about over there. Respect his wishes until he comes home,then explain that your friend is only that and you are devoted to him only. Let your husband met your friend and feel him out. Once he's met him if he still doesn't like your friend,even though you explained to him that he is only a friend, then invite your husband with you when you spend time with your friend. Oh and just because your married doesn't give your husband the right to tell you who you can be friends with.

Answer 6

Your husband just got upset with you because your friend called while you were having your baby? Has he met your male friend since the time of this incident?

I would say if things are EXACTLY as you wrote them here, than it does appear your husband to be a little over protective and jealous. I would think that he is a little protective due to the fact that he never met this man...and he is over in Iraq and may feel threatened by this "man".
I would just sit down and discuss this with him.... Is there in anyway you might have offered any dis-trust to your husband with your male friend?

Divorce shouldn't be over something like this...talk it out.

Answer 7

What a shame this had to happen at this time. I'm sorry but as a wife I have to agree with your husband. You met him after he left and he calls you at the hospital while you and your hubby are sharing a special moment? I don't blame him for being insecure and no he's not being controlling altho all the libbers will say so. You've cast a spell over this happy time and you only have 2 weeks to undo this.

Answer 8

Ok hun, think about if it was the other way around. What if he had a female friend that called or wanted to come by. What if she'd called him while you were getting ready to deliver his baby. When you get married, you cannot do the things you did before and yes he has every right for not wanting you to talk to him. Also you have the right to limit friends

Answer 9

IS YOUR MALE FRIEND MARRIED? IF SO THEN IT SHOULD BE FINE THE 4 OF YOU, COULD GET TOGETHER, MAYBE. IF YOUR A RELIGIOUS PERSON A MARRIED PERSON, [MALE OR FEMALE] SHOULDN'T HAVE A SINGLE FRIEND OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. I WISH IT WEREN'T TRUE BUT IT IS CUZ IT CAUSES PROBLEMS AS YOUR FINDING OUT. BUT THINK OF HOW YOU WOULD FEEL IF YOU WERE IN HIS SHOES. AS CLOSE AS YOU ARE WITH YOUR FRIEND, COULD YOU HANDLE YOUR HUSBAND HAVING THE SAME RELATIONSHIP AS YOU DO? IVE BEEN THERE AND USUALLY ITS NOT A GOOD IDEA BECAUSE BEING CLOSE TO THE OPPOSITE SEX WEATHER THERE IS AN ATTRACTION NOW OR NOT IT WILL ALWAYS LEAD TO SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULDN'T DO. ALWAYS. YES YOUR HUSBAND IS BEING CONTROLLING BUT FOR GOOD REASON'S. I DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO GIVE UP A FRIENDSHIP, although you do need to talk to your husband and they need to meet. good lick. ill be praying for you all.

Answer 10

I feel that he needs to meet this person in order to make a decision on whether you can talk to him or not. But if you have had sexual feelings or sexual contact to this guy, then I can understand why he is feeling the way he is. Your husband is feeling insecure for no reason if what you are saying is true.

He has no right to tell you who can you be friends with.

Friends last forever...men come and go.

Good luck!!

Answer 11

I don't think your husband's in the right to make you choose. I do think that when a wife has male friends it can cause problems. I think your husband has a right to know anything and everything that goes on between you and this male friend but not to make you choose. Especially if he was there before your husband.