Ok, I am in the process of divorce from an abusive ex. I am trying to be cordial, but he is obsessed with me. He is constantly sending me text mssgs, that r kinda scary, and I won't tell him where I live, because I don't want him at my door. He has dedicated some pretty scary stuff to me on the radio too. He says that he knows I still love him and we will be together till death. He is really freakin me out. We have kids together, and he has gotten violent in front of them, actually starting a scene in the mall in front of the kids waiting to see Santa of all places. Desperate for any advice, as I don't want my kids to loose thier father. He is a good father, just he needs to accept our divorce and move on. His behaviour is scary and unsettling to me an to our kids.
2006-12-21 13:39:24 · 31 answers · asked by cookyaustinchic 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Karate. Kick his butt.
2006-12-21 13:40:56 · answer #1 · answered by BlueSea 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me dear like you really have a huge problem on your hands ... explain to your children first and foremost that their daddy is NOT a well man and is having very bad thoughts right now ..
for the time being STOP all visitation unless supervised by a person of legal standing .. do not allow him around you or the children without someone else there
I know of a mother who did not trust her ex from hurting her so they met at the local police where he visited the children ...
Try to let your kids know that he could even harm not only them but YOU are his target ..
Get everything documented and backed up ASAP ..
( what you describe here is like what you see on TV were the nutcase says " IF I can not have her no one else will " and to tell you the truth I believe you will really need to protect yourself .. he MAY be a one of the best fathers in the world BUT right now he is suffering from a mental stress, strain ,depression what ever you want to call it ...
Can you talk to his doctor ? IF so they might be able to help him cope with the divorce
Best of luck to you and the children
try to have a Merry Christmas
2006-12-21 16:09:16 · answer #2 · answered by MrsDave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing by staying away and keeping your kids away from him. Men have killed their own children in retaliation for the wife leaving. I read a story about one case just the other day. The father had his kids for visitation and took them out to the woods and shot them in the back of his truck while they were in their car seats. The boy died instantly but the little girl clung to life for hours asking for "mommy." She died before her mom could get there to see her. So sad but it happens. This is reality. If your husband is showing signs of aggression and saying things about death then you need to see it as the warning sign it is and take protection. Save the text messages. Show them to the police or a local protection agency so you have proof. You might need to take out a restraining order. I know you think your husband is a good father but if he has been violent in front of your kids that is not "good father" behavior. It will only escalate especially with a pending divorce. It's fuel to the fire that is already raging inside him. Find a local abuse shelter and ask their advice. They are well qualified to handle situations such as this.
God bless & keep you and your family!
2006-12-21 13:55:01 · answer #3 · answered by Pamela 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Statistics are otu there that will show you that you arte in danger...you need to get the police involved if you see him any where near where you live or work....he can hire a detective to find you..it's legal if you don't have a restraining order... and even then if you don't get away you could get hurt if he's the kind of guy you say he is..
The kids may not understand...but you need to seek out a woman and childrens help organization before it gets worse than scary text messages.
2006-12-21 13:46:18 · answer #4 · answered by tincre 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one get a court order, and when you finalize the divorce have him arrested if he breaks the court order and explain to him you don't love him anymore and your thru. If he can't see pass that just for no reason at all let him find out where you live. ANd if he ever does move again but father and don't talk to him and change your text sn and number. Also keep and copy all your text messages from him and you can use them against them in court. SO if you want to get rid of him you need to have him arrested and maybe that way he will learn. IF you need to chat more just IM me anytime.
2006-12-21 13:55:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to keep track of all of the things he does to you, file a police report and tell your lawyer. If you don't feel comfortable you can have a mediator for when he has to pick up the kids and when he drops them off. So you don't have to see him at all this can be court ordered so he can't argue. I would stay away from this guy at all costs. I would even change where I shop to a different city so there would be less of a chance of running into him.....Scary!
2006-12-21 13:48:06 · answer #6 · answered by jennie r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, dear I've been down this road.. Here is my advice. stay away til the message is very clear to him how serious your are..
Change your number, change your routine, turn off the radio for a while. make any and all changes in your life so you and your kids can live again.
I'm sorry but to keep him from getting to you thru the kids. your going to have to stop visitation til the message is very very clear. it's over.. no more control.. no more games..
Then as he moves on he can see the kids thru other family members. definitely look into protection from abusive order.
have faith and believe in a higher power..
2006-12-21 13:54:35 · answer #7 · answered by bruiris 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok on one hand you say he is a good father and then you say that he is scarey and unsettling to you AND your kids and has gotten violent in front of them. Make up your mind sweety. Is he a good father or is he a scarey violent father? You need to see this "how it really is" and not how you pretend it to be. Get a restraining order against him for you AND your kids. He might harm them in order to get back at you if he is that obsessed. Save those text messages for court, they will come in very handy to prove his abuse, and log every instance of abuse in front of the kids with times, dates and witnesses. Good luck to you hon, and know that you and your kids are in my prayers.
2006-12-21 16:50:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's scarying the kids he's not a good father expecially when trying to see Santa. He's dangerous, please don't underestimate just how much so. I don't want to alarm you but these kind can be a threat to your life even. And he will no doubt use your kids as a kind of hostage to get you to do his will, even endangering their lives. You need to cut off all contact with him and write everything he does down. Dates, times, circumstances. Please don't leave the kids with him and keep all of this in mind when you go to court. Do you have a restraining order even tho they don't mean much except to get the message across. Good luck!
2006-12-21 14:00:04 · answer #9 · answered by Mercadies2000 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he's gotten violent in front of the but he's a good father? No I don't think so. You need to tell your lawyer what he is doing. don't let your kids near him. get a restraining order move out of the country and change your name. don't trust him around your kids.
2006-12-21 13:50:32 · answer #10 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kind of contradictory. You say he was abusive and scary then you say good father and other good friends. If its as bad as you say get a different handle on the computer pluss a peace bond.
You've already made sure he doesn't know where you live.
"Half Measures availed us not".
Go the extra mile. You got separated to live in peace not fear.
2006-12-21 13:51:36 · answer #11 · answered by robert m 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋