Considering becoming a single mother - couple of questions..?

Question

Starting to hear..not just starting but starting to listen to the sound of the ole biological clock starting to tick away. Am a 27 year old female who hasn't found 'the one'. But starting to consider becoming a single mother as don't want to look back and wonder 'what if?'. So. Because am not comfortable 'hooking' up with some random guy and becoming pregnant.. leading to a possible slippery slope down the line, I am considering using alternative methods. IE..sperm donor, co-parent, etc. Does anyone know where I would find information regarding this for Saskatchewan? Thanks for any assistance :) (Thoughts and past experiences GREATLY welcomed!)

Answer 1

I don't know about where you can find information, but I can speak from experience on being a single mom. I'm still young though (21) and I have a 14 month old. Her father left me for TWO other girls but it worked out for the best. However, I wasn't "ready." I will say that this is VERY hard work, but it's possible to do and keep your sanity. In fact, I work all day (which I'd rather stay home with her, but it's not an option), I go to school full time, and take care of my daughter. I fit in school (online courses) when she's sleeping so I have as much time as possible with her. Sure, there are days I feel sleep deprived, but there are days when I know if I keep pushing, I'll will acheive everything in the perfect order for us. You say you hear your biological clock ticking. You can still have kids for some time, but after 30, it gets a bit harder. So I completely understand why you'd want to start now. The thing is, it's hard to be a single parent. When you get to the breaking point, you don't have someone to turn to and tell to take over. Those nights when the baby just won't sleep...it's all on you. You can't take turns. And the worst? When something happens you don't have a husband as support. My mom is there for me, but it's different b/c it's not her child so I know she's not feeling what I'm feeling...at least not as strong.

Now, since I got that out of the way, I'm sure you've planned a lot. Maybe you should have someone who can be there for you in the middle of the night to talk to...or maybe someone you can call to come help if you are having trouble. I think it's a GREAT idea though. You really should experience having children. I know some people are going to say you need to have a husband b/c that's the way it should be, but what do YOU want? If you feel financially and emotionally stable, then I say you should go for it. It is such a life-changing event but I would never have it any other way.

One thing to consider is the fact that you will be labeled a "single mom." Some guys don't like that...that's just how it is. I can't tell you how many times I've met someone and they back off because they aren't ready to become dads...even though I'll be asking for a friend and then we'll see where it goes. That can be the downfall because it'll be harder to find "the one." But then again...think of it this way. If a man were to base whether he watns to be with you on the fact that you have a kid and not YOU then it's not someone you want anyway. They can't pick and choose what they want about you b/c it's all or nothing...and that includes a child.

I say you should do your research for sure and do what you feel would be the best for YOU. You are the only person that can make this decision.

I wish you the best of luck in anything you do. And I hope you get to have babies soon either by findig that special one or any other means! :)

Answer 2

I believe that it is ideal for children to be raised by both of their parents who are committed to each other and the children; marriage is one way to achieve this...but it is no guarantee nor is it the only way to provide well for children. One of my aunts was born out of wedlock; in the late 1920s. She was adopted by my grandfather when he married my grandmother. She was not treated well by some community members when she was a young girl; so I think acceptance that we see today is probably better than what my aunt and grandmother went through. I was 40 years old before my parents told me that I was the reason they had eloped. The only reason they told me was because I'm executrix of their wills; and dad feared I'd find out on my own. I'm sorry; but it miffs me a bit that they still felt such shame, they'd been married for 40 years, a little acceptance from my mom's family early on would have made my childhood a bit easier. Wealthy people have always adopted children, and had children out of wedlock, like Brad Pitts and Angelina Jolie have done; remember Joan Crawford? Almost every wealthy family ever has had 'illegetimate' children in the family tree. Remember the 'orphanages' from days gone by? Not all the children were truly orphans; many of them were born out of wedlock and taken to the orphanage when the mother could not care for them or was forced by her family to take them there. I do not see the value of hiding these women away in shame. We do not live in an ideal world; the world has never ever been perfect. Marriage is not for everyone. I do not believe we do the cause for marriage any favors by tearing down other ways. Marriage has great merit for many people; and I think we'd all do better if we focused more on why marriage can be a great thing rather than 'casting stones'.

Answer 3

Before you decide to become a single parent consider the following:

1) Am I able to support this child without going on public assistance's of any kind?
2) Can I afford to take off work when my child is sick?
3) What am I going to do with the child when I am working to support this child?
4) Am I going to put it in day care at 6 weeks and have someone else raise it?
5) If I do have to place my kid in day care, again can I afford it without having to go on any form of public assistance and do I really want a stranger teaching my child lifes values?
6) Am I willing to give up my social life for at least a year or two to care for my child?
7) Am I willing to accept the fact that some men don't want to raise other people children?
8) Am I emotionally ready to care for another human being?

Having a baby is a 24hour 7 days a week commitment, there are no breaks when you don't feel well, you can't pawn them off on someone else just because you are tired, and believe me you will be tired! You have to put your child first before everything and everyone else!

Yes, babies are cute and cuddle but remember they do grow up and they need your guidance every step of the way.

I am a single mother and I do not regret having my son for one fraction of a second.

Answer 4

I think the best place to start would be to contact a Reproductive Endocrinologist in your area. These are fertility specialists who can hook you up with sperm donors and then perform the inseminations. They will give you an idea of the costs of the procedures and the time and physical demands they will require.

I will warn you, fertility treatments are no walk in the park. It can be very had to deal with the clinical coldness of the environment, and it can be expensive, even the IUIs. It is definitely not the dream way of getting pregnant.

But in the end, it is your body and your life, and if you are ready, I know an RE would be a good place to start collecting information. Good luck!

Answer 5

A lot of people will tell you that it is a bad idea and selfish. I happen to disagree with that. Seriously think about it and if you truly want to be a single parent then do it. It is becoming much more common for single women to do this. You do not need a man to be a good mother. My son lives with just me. I take care of him on my own and I feel that my parenting meets at the same level with families with two parents. It's hard, but what in life isn't? Don't ever let anyone talk you out of something that will make you happy. If you decide 100% that this is the option for you, then take it and be the best parent you can be. Good luck to you, and I admire your decision.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

I'm 28. And that's not exactly old honey. Maybe you haven't found the one yet, but you've got a few more years before you have to start freaking out. Why don't you at least wait till you're 30? You're only thinking of yourself and what you want. You want a baby, cuz of whatever benifit you think it will bring to your life. But you don't own a child, that's a real person who's going to grow up and have a real life, and that person deserves to have two parents.
And ultimately if you never find someone you can have children with, maybe you should consider adopting a child who already exists and doesn't have even one parent, let alone two?

Answer 8

I can understand wanting a baby.. I'm ready to try for Baby #2 myself. But children are extremely hard work. I'm married and have lots of help from my family, and there are days when I just don't think I can do it. My daughter's getting close to 2 and she is such a handful sometimes...I love her more than anything, but there are days when I just need time to myself. Seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY consider what you are doing before you make a decision. My advice would be to wait, but the decision is yours to make..you're the one that will live with your choice.

Answer 9

My goodness girlfriend, you have at least another 10 yrs. I'd seriously wait at least a couple of years before purposely putting yourself into the single parent role. I'm a single parent and it is so so so hard.

What if you have a boy? Trust me, I have boys -and boys growing up without a dad is super hard on you and them

What if you have a child with a disability? Trust me you dont want to go though something like that alone

What if you have trouble dating afterwards? Lots of men dont want to be step dads. I recently lost the man of my dreams because he couldnt handle my son. Plus when you date you have to keep them from meeting your child for months and months and months...to make sure its going to work ( its not healthy for your child to see you dating a succession of men) Do you want to juggle that?

Please dont think that having a child is the fairy tale Walt Disney wants you to believe. Its so very hard..and much more enjoyable to share with someone who will love you and your baby.

You still have time...lots of time.

Answer 10

Give yourself some more time, your biological clock still has lots of time left.

A friend of mine did exactly that and became a single mom. She is definitely finding it more than challenging to raise a kid on her own. It can also be difficult and not very fair for the child.