Putting finances together and not married.?

Question

I have ran across couples who were living together (not married) that have put there money together (have checking accounts together, credit cards etc.). My friend and I had a debate about the issue and though I wouldn't do this, my friend says he see nothing wrong with it. He stated, a married couple may put their monies together and if they decide to divorce, it is still a messed up situation. He has a point. What do you all think about this situation? Just because a couple is married, should they put all of their money together (get checking accounts together etc.)?

Answer 1

I see the question as one of how you view your life with the person you're living with. If it's important, in your relationship, to keep things straight and separate, to make sure he pays for his stuff with his money and she pays for her stuff with her money, then keep separate accounts and write two checks for everything.

I don't live that way, though, and it seems to me that living this way would enforce a constant separate-ness from the person you live with. I've had friends who lived this way, and that certainly seemed to be the effect -- it meant that, even though they'd lived together for years, there was still some level of intimacy and trust that was withheld.

What I recommend, for couples who are building a life together (whatever you call it, married or not), is three accounts -- one for each of them, and one for both of them, a sort of "yours," "mine," and "ours" set of accounts. The "ours" account gets the bulk of everybody's paychecks -- it's used for rent or mortgage payments, utilities, groceries, common purchases, etc.: anything that they really share pretty much equally. (And if you're going to split things down to the level of who likes the house cooler in the summer and they have to pay more of the electric bill for the A/C... you probably shouldn't be living together, or at the very least, your problems aren't simply financial.)

"Yours" is just that -- the rest of your paycheck goes into it and you are the only person who has to "approve" what you spend out of it. Wanna buy a leg lamp like the one in "A Christmas Story"? Go ahead -- it's your account! (We're lucky; my wife actually won one. :-) And "mine" is the same way, but for me -- if I need to buy stuff for one of the cars or feel like treating myself to a new pocketknife, it's my account, I can do what I please with it.

Having the "yours and mine" accounts is as important as having the "ours" account. The "ours" account says we're sharing things, we're a couple, we contribute to each other and we're building a future together (especially if you're paying a mortgage -- nevermind marriage, you want a REAL obligation, buy a house!) But the "yours and mine" accounts say we still each have an area of our lives where we don't have to get approval, permission, or anything -- it's our own money and we can buy what we want with it. That balance between being a couple and being independent is a big part of having a successful relationship -- married or not.

How much to put into each? That's up to you, based on how much you each make and what your expenses are. My wife and I used to keep a couple hundred bucks a paycheck in our "yours and mine" accounts, and put the rest in the "ours." That changed recently as our first child went off to college, and our monthly budget has been in a shambles. But once things settle out, we'll start something very much like it again, I'm sure -- because no matter what your financial or marital status, there is nothing quite as nice as having money that you don't have to answer to ANYONE for.

Answer 2

Well i am a member of one of the couples that you and your friend were debating about. before my husband and i got married, our accounts were combined, credit cards were together and all types of stuff. But we knew that if we didn't work out that we would just have to do the necessary to separate. You just do what you have to however things end up. Also, on the other end, we are both christians and had to fight off sexual temptation to try and obstain until we got married.

Answer 3

I think that married couples need to work together and by doing that they need to put their finances together. However, I would always have a separate account just in case the divorce kicks in....

Answer 4

I don't see why you should. A joint checking account is like keeping money in a drawer. As a matter of fact, I think even married couples should keep their own accounts. It makes both parties more accountable, yet allows for some discretionary money.

Answer 5

My husband and I kept separate accounts until we decided to have kids. We combined accounts because I became a stay-at-home mom and he supports everyone. It really is something that doesn't work for everyone. It depends on the couple, their spending habits, maturity, responsibility and communication. If I still had a job, I would keep a separate account and our joint account and finances work fine.

Answer 6

I think it is completely up to the couple. There's no "right" or "wrong" way to do this - the only "right" way is what both people agree on. My husband and I will eventually combine our finances (we just got married) - but I've known couples who have been married for many years, and who run their finances completely separate. Whatever works for any particular relationship.

Answer 7

Unmarried couples who pool finances have no recourse under the law if things go bad. By this I mean, if one gets pissed, takes all the money, and leaves, absent a formal agreement or the institution of marriage, the "losing" half can't do anything about it because the law will consider the property (money) jointly owned so one cannot steal anything that he/she already owns.

Answer 8

hi,
absolutely not, joint bank accounts will cause turmoil, same goes with joint cheques, keep r accounts separate! He on the other hand seems to WANT to persuade you which fears me. Keep r own account and credit cards to yourself until he wavers under the law to marry you! Strongly disagree with r even to fathom this. Too many woman get hurt & burnt that way.
Diana d

Answer 9

i love carrots

Answer 10

NO!