And he is alwyas locking himself to masturbate. I tried not to care about it, but it bothers me. How can I ignore it? What should I do? Does a lot of married man do that too? How do you feel about it? Thanks.
2006-12-21 11:23:04 · 34 answers · asked by Clara 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it doesn't bother me as long as I get mine
2006-12-21 11:25:18 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You tried to understand the compulsion, so I'm assuming you don't have anything *against* the pornography itself, just the fact that it's a sexual activity the two of you don't share, which can make you feel threatened.
If there's something erotic or romantic that you enjoy, you could try sharing it with him. You could take turns reading the racy bits of a romance novel aloud or let him know if you feel particularly affectionate after dinners out or romantic movies.
If it were me, I'd knock on the door and tell him to come into the bedroom with me if he wants gratification. If it's just that he has a more active sex drive than you do, the activity might not be such a big deal once you've had a conversation about your reasons for being upset and let him know how you feel so that he can be careful with your feelings. But if he's locking himself away because he doesn't feel that you're receptive to the type of sexual life he'd prefer, you might try to spice things up a little bit to help him realize that he's perfectly welcome to act out his fantasies in person, not just online, and that you'd appreciate the feelings of closeness that come from being an active participant.
2006-12-21 11:35:51 · answer #2 · answered by pmosiejc 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hmm... if you want it to stop, try putting out more.
And here's a hint- almost every man in america, married or not, has looked at porn on the internet and *enjoyed* it. If you dont want to put out more and you are still bothered by it, then confront him.
And to the women that posted about 'divorce'-
Obviously you have no insight on the mind of men. The fact it is that you would have to be a man to completely understand it. It is not 'acting 16', it is as simple as this-
men have a naturally more active sex drove because their only (basic) purposes are to hunt and give sperm.
Women have a naturally weaker sex drive because their purpose (basic) was to incubate and nurture their young. They had to do it once every 9 months. Men would do it whenever there was an opening.
It's not sexism, it's science.
2006-12-21 11:40:57 · answer #3 · answered by obsessive_writer 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have answered this one before. My husband does it but he hides it from me, because he is embarrassed. I caught him (not in the actual act) but I saw that he downloaded porn on the computer. I assume now that he does it all the time when he is home by himself, which is a few times a week (all day). I asked this question before on here. The best advice I received was that once a man is finished doing his thing, and looking at those women, within the hour he doesn't even remember what she looked like. That is what made me feel better. Plus I would rather have him do it (even though he denies it) than have sex with another woman, you know. Try not to let it get to you. I think the more we act like it bothers us, the more they will want to do it and hide it from us. We need to relax.
Take care
2006-12-21 11:37:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is a serious problem that should not be ignored. Viewing online pornography can become as addicting as alcohol or drugs and just as damaging to a relationship. I would suggest confronting this problem face on. Maybe with the assistance of a Pastor or some other church official this problem can be handled properly. A lot of married men do look at porn, but only to make themselves horny for their wives and not for the sole purpose of self sexual gratification.
2006-12-21 11:33:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Unfortunately it happens more than you know. It can be a big problem if one partner is using porno as a way to have sex and not having a healthy sex life together. Tell you husband that it really bothers you and hopefully he will either stop doing that on line (doubtful) or do it less frequently. It's normal for a man to look at porno but it's not normal for a man to satisfy himself looking at porno and not making love to his wife.
2006-12-21 11:29:37 · answer #6 · answered by Andrea D. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry. Really. This is an addiction that is very hard to kick. Does he know how this upsets you? You have a lot of work to do. Is he a reasonable husband otherwise? He probably will not be able to stop without professional help. Bless you. Most importantly, know that this is his choice. It is not that you have done anything wrong or haven't satisfied him. It's just different. You must speak with him honestly.
2006-12-21 11:27:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
why does it bother you so much? Do you feel inadequate? My girlfriend feels that I'm cheating on her when I watch porn. For us guys though, we can have a quickie where we can explore naughty fantasies that we probably cannot do with our significant others. It's some personal time. It should not be a problem unless it affects his daily life (i.e. doing it ten times a day, not giving you any, etc). Ask him what he likes about porn and perhaps do some of the things he likes. Have an open mind though.
2006-12-21 11:30:29 · answer #8 · answered by meaningtoask 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You should just ignore it....it's not about you. It's all about him. He needs to relax and when a guy masturbates it's a great way to relax. He in not really 'looking' at the women...he just uses the images to get off.
Unless your willing to give him sex all the time, at the drop of a hat with no strings attached....he will keep doing it. And yes lots of married men do it. It's a learned single guy behavior. He was single for years and years...with no one to 'relax' with...but himself and the on line pictures. Sure, now he is married...but until that becomes what he needs sexually, he will still have to use the old fashion way.
2006-12-21 11:37:34 · answer #9 · answered by null_the_living_darkness 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I think its only a problem because you feel left out of it. I don't think there is anything wrong per se, I mean, men (and women!) had magazines and movies before the internet. I think you need to gauge how much time he is spending and if it is coming out of "your' time with him or if it is really negatively affecting your relationship. If yes, it seems there is a problem. If no, then let him have his fun...men (and women) just like to whack it in private sometimes. Whats the big deal?
2006-12-21 17:05:21 · answer #10 · answered by Marrs G 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well I'm not married but would he have any reason to feel like something is missing in the bedroom? Maybe you should fight fire with fire and enjoy some self gratification of your own, but instead of locking the door and leave it wide open and see if he prefers online porn or someone within his reach, mm?
2006-12-21 11:26:30 · answer #11 · answered by donbenecio 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋