I am in a really happy relationship. I totally understand that my boyfriend has been with girls before, but once I found out about something he got up to that made me really uncomfortable. I dunno why coz it's nothing so wrong, but something alien to me. I have always been a person of high morals and so anything at all makes me feel funny such as a one night stand. I know I can't judge him for the past and everyone has their own experiences, but I just can't settle this thought in my mind. Knowing that the past is past is fine, but does anyone have an idea of how I can bury these awful thoughts and my imagination of the event, before it effects our relationship?
2006-12-21 11:12:18 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
u must stop thinking about cause if he finds out that its bothering u so much he will stop being honest and i dont think its what u want .
so live in the presence and let the past be past . its all in ur head and u should take control over it .
2006-12-21 19:20:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Going by what you have written ~ which does spell out your own double standards here, and knowing that 'what is in the past is there and can not be altered,' I personally suspect that you are looking for a way out of your "really happy" relationship - for whatever reason you have buried within you.
A woman I knew some years back, she was given to sound a lot like you paint your picture here. However, when she found herself involved in a relationship with a seemingly indifferent and 'abusive' guy, she came 'ALIVE' in all kinds of ways.
The guy here, wasn't actually 'indifferent' to her emotions or really abusive, but he'd somehow sensed or read in her what it took to awaken her passions.
Previously, I might have described her as being somewhat 'Pious,' though convicted in her moral standards. Later, although those moral standards were still real, the passion she spoke through was much more human, and loving and understanding of the human condition.
I rather envied the guy ~ if only his ability to read a woman like that.
Best of luck with your choices.
Sash.
2006-12-21 20:05:56 · answer #2 · answered by sashtou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't get around it then it is a show stopper.
Focus on what is good and in the present. Ask him how he felt about the past behavior and if it is something he would ever do again.
See how you feel about the answers.
2006-12-21 19:15:41 · answer #3 · answered by anirbas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened in the past is his past and he has to own it. And it's none of your business. You would be setting yourself up for a fall if you judge him for it, and he would be incredibly insensitive if he brought up his past exploits.
The only way this is going to affect your relationship is if you allow it. If you cant get past it, you should let him go. Its not fair to him. He did what he did ( and he has to live with it, too). Fact is, if he really loves you, his past exploits are probably pretty embarrassing for him, because it should have been you. If he is proud of his past, he's a creep.
It's amazing how many people put down "saving yourself" for marriage, but when you think about it, those people who DID save themselves never have to worry about this problem. I didnt save myself, but looking back I wish I had. Think about how much easier it would be if you didnt have to think the thoughts you are thinking right now.
2006-12-21 19:20:49 · answer #4 · answered by Freak Boy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you are a good person,u need to talk to him about it and u must tell him your views on it . as you said it the past. you are his future and present,all of the things we do in the past help make who we are today,and you will help him be the man he will become .we are all growing every day , you being the person you will be good for him.
2006-12-21 19:22:01 · answer #5 · answered by hm10s4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
High morals but no capacity for forgiveness? He was honest enough with you not to hide it from you. I think that's the best moral of all, don't you?
2006-12-21 19:15:17 · answer #6 · answered by jzmn2btrfly121 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That guy was someone else. he didnt know you and he was less mature. Are you the person you were before you met him ? - the truth now girl.
Enjoy the guy he is now
2006-12-21 19:14:17 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the past is the past
2006-12-21 19:16:09 · answer #8 · answered by me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump him and come out with me.
2006-12-22 04:47:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to talk.
2006-12-21 22:37:34 · answer #10 · answered by what? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋