my daughter is almost five. When she is home ....she acts like she wants to preach me and my wife?

Question

she screams back at me, sometimes repeating the words I said to her. If I threaten to spank her she even raises her voice louder telling me that she is going to decide what to do...at times she screams bad words to us....this happens when she is at home with both me and my wife....when we are separately, with her, she acts normal and gentle. it seems that the presence of us both and her being tired, spark some rage in her....Please HELP solve this problem.....

Answer 1

She's 5. Most kids this age do act out but if it's getting to this point you need to show her who the parent is. Start putting your foot down, if you say your going to spank her, then spank her. If my child swore at me, I'd be putting some soap in his mouth. Trust me, they don't like it and all it takes is a tiny bit of soap. My son told me to shut up once, he got soap in his mouth and he never back talked me again. Every time she acts up, take one of her favorite toys away. Spank when you say your going to and rub a little bit of bar soap on her tongue when she screams or cusses at you. Spanking your child is not child abuse, as long as you don't lose control and go over board. Both you and your wife need to be consistent on this or she will see through your empty threats and keep acting like this. Good Luck to you both.

Answer 2

Not exactly something that can be solved with sculpture, except maybe a cage. Threats that you will not follow through on merely make the problem worse.

Consistency and the knowledge that no threat will not be acted upon will solve things quickly. It is much better if the bad effects are of the sort that they are the direct result of behavior, so that the child can realize that they alone are the cause of the bad effect.

Also Violence is actually counterproductive as it teaches that violence is a good and effective solution. Much better is a refusal to allow the child to get a desired goal with her violence in language and screaming.

Most children go through this at age two, that you have not taught her reality yet, speaks more to your problems than hers. By the fact that this is in sculpture and not child rearing, this may be a learning problem you have. Please find help with your church or social services agency.

Answer 3

The beginning of the solution is with the adults. You and your wife must sit down , privately, and list all the actions your D does that is unacceptable. Compare lists. You might be surprised at the differences. Then discuss these with your wife even if the process takes several days. But then you must reach a consensus about what is unacceptable to the BOTH of you.

The next step is to determine what sets your D off on her tirades. Look behind the facade of "I told her to eat her peas": is she tired, bad day at school, jealous of the attention you& wife pay to each other. Once again, discuss with wife and see if you both agree on the root cause. If you do not agree, don't worry. There are many avenues open to you. Find common ground on at least 2-3 unpleasant behaviors, and work with those.

Then, you and your wife must figure out the discipline. Notice I did not say punishment altho that is a part of discipline. At the same time, figure out a reward for acceptable behavior, even if it is as simple as saying "I enjoyed our time together tonight".

This part is trickier. If your D is tired, you as the parent are responsible for seeing that she gets an adequate amount of rest. Do what you have to do in the area. If you fall down in this one area, she will make you pay and there's no one to blame but
yourself. If it is an emotional issue, sadness, jealousy, etc., then you must deal with the behavior. Calmly. Rely on what you&wife have predetermined, and do it. Whether it be sending her to bed, removing a toy, no TV, timeout, spanking - and while doing it reiterate the rule in a calm, relentless voice, "The rule is no yelling"

Once you have one or two small successes under your belt, continue on in this way. Remember, discipline must be swift, sure and consistent. It need not be harsh. I recommend the author Dr. Zink. I raised my child using his methods and they work.

Answer 4

I will agree that it appears that there has been a lack of parenting skills from the beginning. I will also agree that it sounds like you may be a step-parent or have done something in her eyes that causes this child to resent you for some reason. Your wife, regardless of whether you are the natural or step-parent, MUST always support you in what you say, no matter how much she may disagree with you. It doesn't help that these days any sort of discipline we try to do with our children is considered child abuse. My parents smacked my butt and it kept us in line. They never hit us in the face nor did they hit us with objects, and I have to say, that the hitting was for effect. They never really hurt us. There is a difference between hitting for effect and abuse. She needs to know that you mean what you say. You also need to be consistent with your discipline. There is a whole lot involved in this and not nearly enough room to say it. Please go enroll in a parenting class before this girl runs away and/or gets pregnant at age 12, gets addicted to alcohol or drugs or does some other stupid thing because this is where she's headed if you don't learn how to control her. Good luck!

Answer 5

You said "If I threaten to spank her she even raises her voice louder..." which says to me that you have in the past spanked her.

Spanking ANY child does NOT work! For ANY reason! Clearly it hasn't here either.

Make sure you and your wife are on the same page as far as what behavior is acceptable from your daughter, then sit with her during a time when she is not mis behaving and tell her the rules and consequences (time-outs, removal of toys, no tv, etc.)

Unfortunately things are going to get worse before they get better. She will test you and your wife to see if you are really going to follow through and she will test it fiercely.

Good luck and maybe watch a few episodes of "Supernanny".

Answer 6

Show her your dominance. Do not give her room to express defiance. Do not threaten spankings. Speak softly, but carry a big stick, I think TR Roosevelt once said. Action is key.
You are the dictator, political dissidence is swiftly dealt with. You never threaten, you act. Your word is law and never wavering. You must also be extremely sure in your actions. You must also be the model. If you are stable and even manned, more faith in you your daughter will have. Soon she will never question you authority.

Answer 7

She is not the problem. You are. Proper child rearing is not an innate skill. You have to recognize that whatever you thought was right, isn't. If you don't do it soon, it will be too late. By 5 years of age, a child has formed almost all of their future behavioral tendencies. All 3 of you get to counseling fast.

Answer 8

Have you tried Time Out? She needs to be punished and have consequences for her actions. If you can't control her anger I suggest you see a therapists for anger management. five is awfully young to have such rage you need to find out what is bothering her when you two are together as a couple. Good Luck

Answer 9

I think your daughter has a psychological problem there.

You should take her a a psychologist, or a psychiatrist.
Ask your doctor. He can give you a good advice

Answer 10

I say its your fault.How did you raise her starts from a baby.Sure its starts from you and your wife,relative or friends nearby.Bring her to a children doctor or counselor.May be both of you need a parenting clase.