Every step I make
And evey breath I take
I know I just can't wait to closer to you.
And baby your so sweet
You give me cavities
I get a stomachache if I can't be with you...
Theres more I'm just too lazy 2 write it.
2006-12-21 09:14:41 · 4 answers · asked by ♥MissC♥ 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
its pretty good..the first part really flows. i would suggest revising the last line there it sounds a bit long..stomachache is a very lengthy word and a bit immature sounding (no offense)..yeah i have no idea what to say instead but maybe youll figure it out. i dont know maybe nausea? sounds a bit gross but might work. but its up to you its ok the way it is, just sounds better to me to change it.
you should write the rest of it sometime..i might actually enjoy it. or maybe not people might steal it if you do that..whatever
2006-12-21 13:25:38 · answer #1 · answered by Garbo's snowflake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stomachache! you'd give me a stomachache if you sing that out loud. try something not so long and don't repeat the words 'you' at the end of sentences- ruins the effect.
2006-12-21 21:34:25 · answer #2 · answered by Memyselfi 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Eh...kinda corny.
2006-12-21 17:22:30 · answer #3 · answered by Banana Hero [sic] 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that sounds really good!
2006-12-21 17:23:18 · answer #4 · answered by Becca C. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋