I separated from my husband last December after I found out about a little fling he had. I have tried to take him back and to forgive and forget but I can't get over what he did. I love him and want him back in my life but I keep thinking about what he did and the lies he told etc. Would counselling help me?
2006-12-21 08:55:30 · 20 answers · asked by Sue K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Counselling will help you work out what you really want. You can't forgive him because you dont want to and counselling will help you examine why that is. It is basically about increasing your self awareness so that you are empowered to make the right decisions!
Already people here are telling you what to do about your marriage, a counsellor wont, they will help you work through it in order to decide what U want. You sound like you really could be doing with a bit of support and understanding, counselling will be great for you!
2006-12-21 09:00:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not Always, It may help you understand why you can't forget, but forgive. Those feeling however are normal. If you love him take him back. In all my years. I found that most all men cheat. If you have one that comes home to you. Its a fling. He don't want it or he would leave you. If you dump him, and get another guy he may well do the same thing to you. Some guys are good at cheating and not letting the wife find out. It mostly depends on what you can live with. Can you face the rest of your life with out him. Maybe he won't do it again. Maybe he will. Maybe some day you will be the one someone needs to forgive. And that is very likely to happen if you leave him, marry someone else, and are not as happy with the second guy as you were with the first. Its a known fact that you never get over that first husbands love and your likely to cheat on your next one by seeing your first husband on the side. HUmm. Yep, guys like too. You have to remember one thing. Men are just little boys that got bigger. Men never really ever grow up. When you marry you have a baby, and a big child already. Wedding vows are for better or worse. Be thankful he is human, knows when he has done wrong, and does not beat you. Now that would be something to leave and not forgive. Beating.! I dont know any couple that does not have their share of problems. Just tell him if he ever does it again wear a condom, cause if you get anything from anyone you will leave him forsure!
No man is perfect. When you leave one and go to another you just trade one set of faults for another. IF you can't forgive and forget then how could he or anyone else do that for you if make a mistake. One of the biggest mistakes you can make in your life is leave a man you love just because he is not the perfect person you want him to be. That was the biggest reqret of my lifetime. I never got over it. When they get caught by you, they usually think twice about what they have to loose anyway. It takes most men along time to grow up. People married 50 years did not get there because they gave up everytime the other person did something wrong. You must be young.. Give it time you till will grow up alittle with him. My advice. Try Harder ! Remember the good things. Remember God. Pray for him to make your husband a better person, and take away your pain. You are not alone, but you might just be the one who makes it to 50 years. Good luck
2006-12-21 09:17:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling does work if you go to the right counselor. I use my pastor for when me and my hubby were having problems. Plus I didn't have to pay a dime either. I don't know what your problems are but there is nothing God can't handle or take care of if you are having marital problems. I also started reading a the book the Bait of Satan by John Bevere, a Chrisian based book that helps Christians and non a like learn to let go and let God do his thing. I am not trying to preach to you I am just trying to say give it another chance it will eventually work. Marriage is a sacred thing and can be a blessing in life but it takes work.
2016-05-23 07:07:16 · answer #3 · answered by Tamisha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An affair is the toughest thing that can happen in a marriage. Counselling is not the cure-all for everything. There is no magic wand the counselor waves. Your husband has to commit to you 100% and you have to let go of the past for there to be any chance of your marriage working. Maybe you two should start over by renewing your wedding vows. Wipe the slate clean and start over together. On the other hand, if he's going to still go out on you, then I would re-consider getting back together.
2006-12-21 09:21:11 · answer #4 · answered by BigJake418 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling is not going to give you the energy or strength to forgive him and take him back. It may help you to deal with the pain and come to the realization. That what he did has more to do with whom he is as a human being and less to do with who you are. Also, it may help you to forgive him and decide what you want to do, move on without him or take him back. You may decide that you don't need him after counseling. It is really a place for you to discuss openly your feelings, frustrations, hurts, and anger. In an non-judgmental, non-confrontational setting. Sometimes just verbally expressing ourselves out loud, makes it so much more clear. Try it, what do you have to loose? Nothing, but a great deal to gain. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-21 09:02:06 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Couselling adviced us to start our relationship on a certain date in the future like the past never happened....
Its easier said than done, I couldnt let it go, that sick feeling used to come back every time he was late back from work or if he forgot to tell me something.......
Its a tough thing to get over an affair, we have been split up for 5 years and I still feel sick when I think about the day I found out about the other bi tch...........................
Try counselling you have nothing to loose because the trust has already gone,hopefully you will given better advice than I recieved....
Have a good Christmas
2006-12-21 09:05:40 · answer #6 · answered by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counselling will work in any situation you may find yourself in. Ive been in the same situation as you, and i am still with him. I love him even though he broke my heart! I will never forget what he did, but i never do think about it unless its bought up in situations like this. I got over it myself. What he done made us both realise what we wanted, which is eachother and since then everything has gone smoothly, and i havent been happier. I thought about the future and what i wanted out of this relationship, i knew i wouldnt get what i wanted if i still hung on to that and never let it go. If you are finding it hard to get over what he done, then yes certainly go and see someone, but i dont think you should go on your own, try marriage counsillng. Ive had counsilling a few years ago and it helped me so much. Good luck and i hope everything will be fine. He made a mistake and deserves a second chance, and thats one second chance not multiple second chances because he will never change!
2006-12-21 09:04:45 · answer #7 · answered by SoldiersGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing counselling helps with is telling the counsellor how it feels and getting all the hurt inside to come flooding out. After that, they can't really help with anything else. When you feel ready, go on a date, and that will make you feel special again. Things will get better, there are men out there who don't need a fling, you will meet him xx
2006-12-21 09:00:31 · answer #8 · answered by saraharies2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think counseling would help YOU but I dont think you should give him another shot. I would never be able to forgive and forget something like that. Go to counseling for yourself so you dont take this hurt with you to the next relationship.
2006-12-21 09:01:16 · answer #9 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if your ready. Its not a miracle cure. You have to work at it too. You have to be ready to move on. If its what you want then counselling is a wonderful thing. You will find out things about yourself that will surprise, maybe even amaze you.
Make sure you get your self a goods one though Good Luck
2006-12-21 09:02:29 · answer #10 · answered by smiley face 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋