My situation doesn't sound so bad. My husband & I both have college degrees. I have a decent paying job with health insurance. My husband is a full-time PHd student and makes a monthly stipend. However, we live in a metropolitan area where the cost of living is EXTREMELY high. We literally scrape by every month. We bounce checks every month, pick and choose bills to pay based on how much the late fee is, we have a mortgage that is over 50% of my yearly salary - even though our home is a very small 600 sq foot condo. We can barely survive now...how can we afford a child!? Also, where we live we "make too much" to qualify for any help but we just don't make enough to get by. Money stress is causing severe depression and it is making it very difficult for me to even be excited about the baby. I'm also resentful of my husband for being in school rather than working. I had to go off Paxil when I became pregnant, any advice to soothe depression without meds? Does anyone else have $ worries?
2006-12-21 08:33:13 · 11 answers · asked by LittleRoo 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I know that we should move however, since my husband is getting his PHd he CANNOT drop out or we will owe THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of dollars worth of tuition (right now it would be at least $50K)...unfortunately we must live here until he's done (and he already has over an hour commute one way into the city for school so we can't move further out).
Also, we just bought our condo a couple months ago before we found out I was pregnant...and in the loan it states that we can't sell within a one year period...
So the 2 most logical answers (move, and sell condo) are unfortunately impossible.
This is my first pregnancy and I'm overwhelmed at how to deal with the stress and depression during pregnancy.
2006-12-21 08:52:09 · update #1
I feel your pain, iam also in the same boat as you hun, i make way more money then my hubby....and still we barely make enough to pay our bills iam constantly having to get out loans just to get through each month.....so i completely feel you and today i just found iam pregnant iam soooo excited but iam also worried for our expences......Good Luck Hun!
2006-12-21 08:45:24 · answer #1 · answered by R.J 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I also live in a very expensive area, the entire state is over priced! The only thing I can suggest is trying to sell your condo and moving to a suburb. I know it's not what most people WANT to do, but it definitely will ease the stress of paying such a high mortgage. Trust me, I understand. My mortgage is also a huge chunk of my yearly salary!
A suggestion... cut back everything that you possibly can. And maybe you have already, I don't know. Suggestions...
No eating out.
Basic Cable service
Basic internet service
Give up home phone and go with cell phones only
Really, though, my only suggestion is to move. I know in my state (Massachusetts), if you live in Boston it's unbelievably expensive! If you move 15-20 miles west, north or south you pay FAR less for the same thing. Move 30-40 miles west and you can get double for your money.
Just a thought...
My builder built several homes in the area. The exact same house just 3 miles away in the next town over sold for 20% more than my house cost me. And that was during the huge housing boom 4 years ago.
2006-12-21 08:41:44 · answer #2 · answered by PT&L 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
this is one of our biggest stresses too! We are in the same financial boat...choosing bills, bouncing checks, scraping by...right now the thought of childcare costs are causing a lot of anxiety and sadness for my husband and me. And like you, we don't qualify for help. We are also concerned about the lack of money I will receive during maternity leave. We are trying to get second jobs while I'm still able, but my husband isn't trying. So I can understand feeling resentment. I was thinking that I should join a mothers group. Maybe I could find someone to exchange childcare with. In our community there are A LOT of places that offer free food so that saves money, if you're not too proud. Salvation Army is a great place for this! As for the depression, I would say get out and spend time with friends, family and the community. You may even talk to your friends and tell them what you're going through and see if you can have scheduled time once or twice a week set aside for specific friends. this will give you something to look forward to. One other thing would be meditation. It's best to do it with a group, but on your own should be helpful too. For me, surrounding myself with loving people really makes me feel better. Good luck!
2006-12-21 09:20:04 · answer #3 · answered by Azaura 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yep. My situation's a little similar.
Some things you can do...
Get rid of cable TV
Don't eat out anymore
Find a way to lower your phone bills - either switch to pre-paid phones or get a family plan.
Get smarter about grocery shopping
Refinance your condo
give yourselves a small ($20 each) spending allowance each week
sell one of your cars - if you have two and you're in a metro area, you don't need more than one (or maybe no car at all)
consolidate your credit cards
move to the suburbs (though with transportation this may cost you more)
SEE A FINANCIAL PLANNER
2006-12-21 08:45:37 · answer #4 · answered by Emily O 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with They Call Me Mom's answer. You and your husband can always find a new place to live with a lower mortgage payment. Congratulations on becoming a mom! Don't resent your husband going to school. I'm sure he'll get a higher paying job later in the future after he gets his PHd. I'm not married and I am single and made a lot of financial mistakes too in my life. When I was in my early 20s, I signed up to get credit cards and now I have debt, too. I am going to school right now and plan on getting my bachelor's degree in math and plan on tutoring students to do well in math after getting my degree. I have anxieties and I have to take Zoloft for it and it helps with my anxieties. Another thing, I took Business Law in college one time and my instructor taught is that bad credit can only stay on your credit history for 7 years. I don't know if that has changed or not. Anyway, good luck on your pregnancy and I hope the baby is healthy.
2006-12-21 08:52:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Right now i am a college student and i am in no situation near to what you're going through...but really...do you really have to live in such an expensive place that...as of right now...you are barely getting through...of course you can have all the luxury that you have later in life once you and your husband start getting things together and stable....so id say moving to a cheaper area to live in is definitely a good start...and by all means if there are any other bills that are not necessary to be paying for...then get rid of them...for example if you are paying for cable and done even watch it...whats the point paying for? i hope this is of some help...and as for the depression...just walk it off...go out for some walks...go out and chit chat with friends...relax...
well i hope this of of any help...hope you get better...and cheer up...you're going to have a kid for god's sakes...
well GOOD LUCK!
2006-12-21 08:48:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Try getting rid of some unnecessary bills such as cable, internet, or being in clubs such as BMG Music Service or Columbia House DVD. I would also cut back on eating out. You should exercise like going for walks. Hang out with your family or loved ones and your friends. You and your husband should make a budget, that way you guys will know where the money is going. Start doing things you love like listening to music or any other favorite hobbies you have. Good luck with your pregnancy.
2006-12-22 14:45:59 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer F 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree, you can move to an area where it is cheaper. Can he get aid for going to school? Maybe get a part time job. Eliminate some bills like cable if you have it, lower cell phone minutes, lower other bills. Just know things will get taken care of!
2006-12-21 08:40:16 · answer #8 · answered by nicsgirlus 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yep, time to sell your condo and move to the 'burbs. the 'burbs can be boring and un-inspiring, but they are also a lot more kid and family friendly. you can probably rent a whole house for less than your mortgage payment. do it for your bay-bay.
2006-12-21 08:45:07 · answer #9 · answered by poop mama 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You could always move to a different area
2006-12-21 08:35:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋