my daughter is 16 and i need to change her school due to family difficulties..is this wise..HELP..?

Question

MY DAUGHTER HAS GOT IN WITH WRONG CROWD. WE HAVE MOVED HOUSE BUT MY DAUGHTER IS STIL DRAWN TO HER OLD FRIENDS. SHE IS NOT GOING TO SCHOOL SO AS OF MAY 2007 SHE WILL BE OUT OF SCHOOL WITH NO QUALIFICATIONS. HOW DO I CONVINCE MY LITTLE GIRL TO CHANGE SCHOOLS AT THE MOST IMPORTANT TIME OF HER LIFE WITHOUT HER REBELLING AGAINST ME. PLEASE HELP A MUM ON THE EDGE.XXXXX

Answer 1

. . . you forgot to mention whether she is pregnant or not, crack-addict or just on puff, drug-dealing, on the game, illegal immigrant, coloured-cousin, sexually-abused - if none of the above apply, sadly, you don't have much chance - unless you get up and go to your local town hall, education office, bang the desk, make a fuss and rebel against both the authorities and your daughter . . .

Answer 2

She can still mix with her old friends even if you change schools....more likely too since she won't have any friends at a new school.
You're probably better to ease off on the pressure and try and get along better. Exams aren't the end of the world. She is prob feeling worried abt them anyway.
Don't feel that this "is the most important time of her life".
There will be others. Its more important to lay off the pressure and make friends with each other. There are always evening classes and college courses for when she feels ready.
PS so long as she dosn't do drugs / smokes /or drinks excessively, then you've not done too bad. Suggest you make sure she goes on the pill. But above all, TALK rather than shout to each other.

Answer 3

What do you class as the 'wrong crowd'. I'm a teenager, so I know she would hate to have you judge her on who she hangs around with. If you force her to move away from her school and friends, then of course she will rebel against you. Why isn't she going to school? was it your idea, or did she get kicked out? If you want her to get some qualifications, then barely support her. if you don't buy stuff for her, then she will realise that she needs a job, but she needs qualifications for a good paying job.

Try to see the situation from her point of view.

Trust yourself to do what YOU think is right for her, you don't need to get advice of the Internet.

Answer 4

I was always very close to my mum, and I think it's partly due to the fact that she would never be angry with me -just disappointed if I ever did anything she didn't like -and maybe I'm just easy but it was pretty effective! Teenagers generally want to feel like they're independent and grown up, and being angry at her would just push her more towards her friends.

Obviously, it's hard to give advice, as every family is different, but I think getting your daughter away from bad influences is a good step, and I'd also recommend finding ways to work on your relationship with her, so she will feel like she can talk to you as a friend, not see you as a disciplinarian. If you want to help her see the benefits of changing school, I'd say to talk to her about what she wants to do in the future, and the best way she could achieve that.

Answer 5

Whatever you do, she will rebel against you, you either need to move so far away that she can't get to her friends, or let her make her own mistakes and hope that she will have enough sense to re-do her GCSEs next year at college. Maybe if you show that you still care for her over christmas, she will realise that she's throwing her life away and that she wants to do well, most importantly dont treat her like a child. she probably has A LOT of work to do at the moment and is actually quite worried, this could be why she doesn't want to go to school, you should talk to her about it. thats just my opinon, i'm in my last year of school too and its very stressful.

Answer 6

I think as a parent myself i would do whatever it took to make my daughter see sense. But not all parents have the same relationship that i have with my daughter, have you tried talking to her possibly getting her a counsellor ( don't dismiss this ) if you find it difficult to talk to her, ask her if she has any ideas about what shes going to do when she leaves school and how she can best achieve her potential. maybe staying on at school ( a different School ) or going to college to resit her GCSE's. Whatever you do you all need to talk about it as you don't want her to rebel anymore.
God bless.

Answer 7

You've received some very good responses here (as well as some inept statements), but I was most impressed with a_is_for_amy's response, considering she claims to be in her last year of school. She displays a maturity not seen as often as it could be.

Sadly, I don't think changing your daughter's school is going to make one iota of difference. I'm quite convinced that this 'attitude' of hers hasn't suddenly appeared. It must have been going on for some time now.

As others have already stated, your daughter is likely to rebel against you moving her from her friends, particularly as her final year(s) are going to be stressful anyway. More than likely, the absenteeism will continue.

I believe that whatever you decide to do will be the wrong decision ... for one, or both, of you.

Personally, the lack of qualifications wouldn't bother me so much as her having the correct attitude and aptitude to be capable of carrying out her job, in whatever career she decided to pursue. Myself, I would like to feel that any employee of mine would be able to adapt to the best circumstances for whatever situation arose. i.e. the way I would deal with something myself. (You can't really tell that I believe I have the correct attitude and aptitude, can you?) Having said that, many employers demand the 'bit of paper' at the end of the day ... seeing it as some sort of indicator that a person is able to 'learn' how to comply in a given setting.

As others have already stated, this isn't the only chance at taking exams that your daughter will get. Given that she may gain employment, she may come to recognise the error of her ways, and decide to knuckle down.

Ideally, your daughter could do with someone to 'take her under their wing' ... someone that could impress on her the importance and relevance of 'falling into line' with what is required of her ... if she wishes her life to be a successful one.

I really do wish I could offer some practical advice. I feel the youth of today, in this country, is straying too far from society's norms.

I wish you both the very best of luck in whatever decision you arrive at. Whatever you do though, don't blame yourself if things don't come together in time.

Answer 8

Your daughter will find the "wrong people" to hang out with no matter how many times you move. It sounds like your family needs to attend family counseling. What is the wrong crowd giving her that her family is not? Sit her down and go over the rules and expectations you have for her. If she does something illegal and is arrested what will you do? Sometimes people need to learn the hard way. Are you going to bail her out or let her learn her lesson in jail?

Answer 9

from the information in your question I would say that she is unlikely to pass her exams if you move her to another school as she doesnt appear interested in her education anyway....

Maybe instead of trying to change her by changing schools, you should find out what she wants to do with her life...and what direction she is looking to follow..

At 16 she is old enough to work, maybe this could be something to encourage her to move away from those friends as in a working environment she will make new friends.

I know this is from a blokes perspective but I left school and worked straigh away whereas my friends went to college or took up apprenticeships, I am now a director of a building company and set to be made for life....my sister left school with no qualifications, worked in a shoe shop, the a garage forecourt, then a delivery driver, met her husband had kids, got a job with bt and is now a personal secretary....

Work may not be everyones cup of tea but it is a life learning experience.

Good Luck

Answer 10

Changing schools isn't the problem - the child needs to speak to someone. There is a reason she is with the wrong crowd - wants to fit in, can't say no, low self esteem, loves to be in the middle of stuff - whatever the reason that needs to be dealt with not the school she attends.

Answer 11

i know exactly what is happening. i did it. too be honest there isnt alot you can do. let her see her friends etc. my parents tried to stop me and i snuck out, started smoking, dropped classes etc etc. the worst thing is a rebelious teenager. honestly you should just talk to her or try. my parents eventually gave up and so did i. i carried on with some rebellion but i started going back to classes and left school with 13 GCSE's. maybe suggest she gets a job? that put things in perspective for me as i didnt want to work in a take away all my life and went back to school.