Divorce and child custody help!?

Question

My husband has been very emotionally abusive and our marriage is leading to divorce. He is active duty in the Army and we have two small children. The oldest is mine from a previous marriage. The thing is, I dont want to file for separation or divorce until I am certain that I will have custody of the kids. He tells me that they will give him full custody because he is working and I'm not. I really think that it is in the best interest of the children if theyre with me considering that I nurse and care for them and he is away most of the time. If we were to separate, I would live with my parents and work until we were able to get on our own.
I was wondering if theres really any chance of him getting full custody, or is he just using it as a way to keep me from filing. Please help me with any info you have: will be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

There is always a chance that either parent will get custody, but even if you aren't working at the moment you would still have a chance. My friend went through all of this. She was a stay at home mother and the father wanted custody when things ended, and he got visitation and not custody. Don't worry. He really doesn't need the children if he is in the Army and is away so much. But do get a job asap, to make it easier on you in court. What he is saying to you is a ploy to make you NOT file for divorce, Let me guess he's a control freak? I wish you the best, don't worry, you will more than likely get the children.

Answer 2

Ok, here is the deal. You may not have a job, but as long as you have a place to live, you SHOULD get custody of the kids. There is no guarnatee until the jugde rules it. I have been thru 2 divorces. I didnt have a job with my first one. I didnt with the second. I have my children. MOST judges will side with the mother. Not all tho. If he is abusive, even mentally, that will help your case. You dont want those children around an abusive father. ALSO. Whoever files first (in the state of Kansas anyway) gets immediate custody of the children until court, and most likely will get the primary residental. Neither of you will have full custody unless you can prove him to be a horrible father. One of you will get primary residential and the other will get visitation rights. Just a matter of who files first. I think he is trying to control you, and trying to keep you from filing. Either cuz he dont want you to leave, or cuz he wants to file first cuz he knows he will get your children. Smart thing to do is FILE NOW! Dont drag it out any longer, it could hurt you in the long run.

Answer 3

My husband is an active duty military personel aswell in the Air Force. When he got divorced from his ex, she got full custodial rights, but they both have joint custody together. They cannot give him full custodial rights (Custodial Rights: meaning that the children are to be in your/his care while the other parent gets visitation) because he has a great possibilty of going overseas. When my husband and his ex got divorced, she did not have a job either. She moved to her fathers house. He is just telling you this because he doesnt want you to file. Another thing you might not be aware of, as MANY woman do not know when they are married to someone in the military. Woman have power in the military!!! Believe me when I tell you this!! My husbands ex ALWAYS calls his boss whenever she doesnt get her way. Then, his boss has to talk to him about whatever she is complaining about. Woman have power in these circumstances!! My husbands ex (when they were married) called his boss stating that he emotionally abused her. Anything that happens in the military is documented! He had to kiss her azz and tell her how much he loved her even though he didnt just so that she wouldnt complain to the fist shirt while they waited for the divorce to be finalized. I mean, she still does it even though they are no longer married, and he still has to hear about it to his boss. Another thing. If you are not living on base, you have the right to throw him out of your house. All you have to do is call his boss, and he is out, PLUS he has to continue paying the bills(This is something my husbands ex wife did to him before the divorce was finalized). If he wants to be an azz, then this is what you can do. Just some advice you can consider on. You have a lot more power than he does in the military. The military protects the wifes because they are the ones that sustain their families when they are overseas. Considering it is difficult to wait for your spouse years on in at times when they are away on orders. You dont have to take this bs. If you are unhappy, fight for your happiness!!

If you have any other questions, please feel free to contact me at [e-mail].

Answer 4

There is no such thing as a military divorce. All divorces are civil matters. Having said that, the amount of child support is based on income. If there is a court order in place that states how much child support he should pay, then that's what he needs to pay. The only way he could petition the courts to lower the amount is if his circumstances changed and he suddenly started making significantly less money. As for sending more money whenever his ex asks for it, he is not obligated to do that and he is in fact a fool to do so.

Answer 5

I have been in your shoes before, and did nothing until it was too late, I believed everything he said. I felt helpless. He took the kids one day and never came home until I called the command that day and he had to bring them home. The command got me in touch with family services it has been a hard 3 years, and we have joint custody, there is help out there and the sources are there. I now spend time helping woman in similar situations and going to school help my community. Also, look into your states divorce laws, there are many on line legal websites that give custody and divorce questions and answers. There is also, legal aid offices around the country and woman and men abuse offices that are EXCELLENT sources of information and legal help. I know it is easier said than done, but I have been in your footsteps and wish you all the luck. God Bless.

Answer 6

There is really so much that goes into the judge making a custody decision and some of that varies from state to state. The only real answer anybody on here can give you is to talk with a divorce attorney. I believe that you can speak to a military JAG officer about this at little to no cost.

Answer 7

I think you should file for divorce right away. He is a loser he just want to control you. All you have to tell the judge is that he is abusive, and he will give you the full custody, he will give you the house if you own one, he will give 50% of all your assets. He will also spouse support, then you can look for work.

Answer 8

GET AN ATTORNEY! It's going to be expensive but losing custody of your children would be too high of a price to pay if you don't. Document your husband's abusive behavior (don't let him know you're doing it though). That way you'll have something concrete to show a judge. Keep in mind that if he's abusive to you, he'll probably do the same to the kids. You need to protect them.

Answer 9

No absolutly not will be be getting full custody...I have sole cutody and I was not working at the time. You two will probably share custody.

Go to his commander and put in a report on the abuse and file an action for an order of protecton for you and the children.

Don't let him abuse you or your children anymore, no more!!

He knows nothing, he is blowing smoke to scare you.....best of luck jenn

Answer 10

You know I'm sick and tired of these,Daddy's thinking that they can just threaten us about taking our children, when they don't really want them anyway!! 'Baby', that Husband of yours has to prove that your a unfit mother,I do mean proof BIG TIME PROOF.There's no Judge fix en to take a child or children from the mother unless negligence is proved! Let me enlighten you, tell him you won't need a job to keep the kids in your own custody as long as he has a job!!