They have been divorced 3 years. They have 2 children (ages 7 &8) We will call him "Peter' She is remarried but calls Peter for everything. She lost her cell phone and called Peter, not her new current husband. Peter even went to her house to help bake cookies with the kids and the kids ended up doing something else and the two of them had some wine and visited and baked all day. They work together and she askd him to lunch and to go Christmas Shopping with her and he did. He says he loves me. The both admit that they were never in love only married because it was the thing they thought should be done when they found out she was pregnant. I don't think he realizes what she is doing or that he is allowing it. I want him to do everything he can for and with the kids. He even allows her to dictate what nights of the week he will have the kids even if she is not traveling. and it changes daily. what do I say to him to make him realize he will never have a relationship with this issue.
2006-12-21 07:10:25 · 9 answers · asked by am i crazy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, me and my ex husband are exactly like this. He is my best best friend in the world and I'm his. We are divorced but rarely apart. We talked alot about how new lovers would feel about our close, brotherly relationshp, but we can't see outside the box. We spend time together and thats that. Others shouldn't be jealous or worried, we're like brother and sister. Nothing will ever happen between us.
But thanks for showing me the other side of the coin. It doesn't occur to us that it might hurt others, because we're so close.
Talk to Peter about how it makes you feel, he may just not know!
Good luck and happy holidays.
2006-12-21 07:18:46 · answer #1 · answered by Ade 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I understand why you'd feel frustrated by this situation. You would like there to be more distance between the two of them... and while they can and SHOULD be civil... for the children's sake... they should also keep appropriate limits/boundaries on their interactions/time with one another (especially considering she's remarried and he's with you). Having said that... you should not feel threatened by this situation. He is merely trying to make things easy on his children... who are, and should be, his first priority (even before you). If that means being friendly with his ex and being a good friend... and showing his children that even though they are not "together" they are a united front when it comes to them. I think it's great that they are friendly and communicate. Don't worry about her being a threat. If he wanted her... they would still be married. Be supportive and confident. He will love you SO much more for your understanding and appreciation that he has his KIDS best interests at heart. He loves you... not her.
2006-12-21 15:41:02 · answer #2 · answered by AngelBaby 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first you have to tell him how you feel. It sounds like they have a friendly relationship, which is unique for a divorced couple. It is healthy for the children if they are cooperative together. However, she may be doing everything she can to attempt to get his attention because she is a little jealous of you. You have him now and she may be just possessive enough that she wants to show you that he is still in her life too. I think it is disrespectful to you that he spends this time with her. If he was seeing the kids and she was just there it would be a little different, but this seems a little over board.
Let him know how you are feeling and that it makes you wonder about the motives. Ask him to respect your feelings, even though he may not understand them. To him this may seem harmless, but if you love someone, you do things for them just because that is what they ask of you, even though you know they are being insecure in your eyes.
2006-12-21 15:21:46 · answer #3 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex and I still go through a similar problem. He left me for her, I told him it was a bad ideal to move in with someone else and he didn't live with his own kids. So he moved the kids with them, but he still calls me everyday stops over my house without calling. He wants to pretend that he is my friend so he can still be a part of my life. She's not happy and he's not happy, and I'm not happy about my family not living together.
But when people make a decision they must stand by it. I don't think your friend was anymore ready to leave than my ex. And I know that I wasn't ready to leave my family. Good Luck!!!!
2006-12-21 17:37:10 · answer #4 · answered by RDark 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is really trying to be there for his kids. They deserve to have some fun with their dad. His ex wife sounds like a dependent parasite. My husband's ex has married three times since their divorce and she continues to revert to his last name every time she ends a relationship. Some women find it easier to ask someone who's dependable. Maybe her new husband isn't as helpful as her ex. Whatever you do, don't interfere because you're not going to win this one. He's putting his kids first but that doesn't mean he's putting you behind his ex. There's nothing you can say to him that's going to change the way he deals with his kids. You'll just have to accept it and be glad that he's a good dad. Good luck!
2006-12-21 15:18:04 · answer #5 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would feel frustrated as well... but I think that your boyfriend is just trying to make things work for the children's sake. I think it's wonderful that he and she are able to be friendly with one another... this sets a good example for the children and I'm sure makes the seperation of their parents easier for them to tolerate (knowing that things are friendly and that there are no hurt feelings/bitterness). It would seriously bug me if my guy had an ex calling all the time, especially about petty things that she should handle on her own, but I would try to be as supportive and understanding as possible. I'm sure he is merely concerned about rocking the boat. Being on her good side makes it easier for him to be closer to his children (no court battles, etc.) He is trying to be flexible and agreeable... and I'm sure he can see that she is being "extra" friendly... but I doubt he's interested. He is in love with you... and he's being honest with you about the things that are happening. Appreciate that. If you start creating tension because of his previous relationship... he might just stop telling you the whole truth... which might eventually create a rift and a break up with you two.
Don't get me wrong. I would be annoyed beyond belief if I was in your situation... but you have to be considerate of the fact that he's in a tough spot and is just trying to make it work out for his children. I doubt he would still be in touch with her if it wasn't for them.
2006-12-21 15:48:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my daughter had this same problem, so she had a baby of her own by her hubby, but it did not stop the ex from making problems with the court system. he is there for his kids, she learned to depend on peter for everything when they were married, and still depends on peter, peter may not want to rock the boat or cause her to deny him visits with the kid's so he goes along with all of this to keep the peace. not fair to u really. have your own child, than there will be competition with what he is doing for her.
2006-12-21 15:20:31 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him he already has a wife and he needs to stop acting like he's married to someone else. While it's prefectly ok for him to spend time with his kids and do things with them and for them, he needs to remember just who he is married too.
2006-12-21 15:16:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask O.J. Simpson
2006-12-21 15:15:47 · answer #9 · answered by john a 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋