21 yrs old, drinks too much, assaults you, verbal abuse, always forgive him, cause he`s your son. Says sorry, but always does it again, where do you draw the line?
2006-12-21 07:00:35 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you need to distance yourself from him until he grows up....first off he needs to see someone about his drinking, then someone about his anger, the more you forgive him, it just opens another door for him to do it again, tough love is what he needs, i know it will be hard but don't allow him to do what he's doing, it's not right, he has issues that need to be dealt with, so don't give in to him until he has himself sorted out, even if it means kicking him out or stopping him from coming round....you have to set him some boundaries...don't take his crap
2006-12-21 07:05:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have drew the line about 3 years ago when he turned 18. You continue to contribute to the problem by accepting his boy cry wolf apologizes.
He would go to college, peace corps, job corps, army, navy, air force, marines, french foriegn legion, gillians island or something, but he would not be in my house with any of that crap. You ever see a 21 year old get thrown through a wall?
People only get away with what you allow. He can take his drinking, assaults, and apologizes somewhere else. Until you stop being afraid of you own child, change the lock, start charging rent, and let his spoiled azz live on the street for a while the problem will continue to exist.
Stop accepting an apologize and hold him accountable. Change the locks, let him attempt to trespass, call the cops to get it documented, so if he goes physco you have a paper trail. Whatever you got to do to show him you mean business, do it! If you love him, show him what tough love is.
When all else fails, beat dat azz or I will do it for you, NO JOKE!!!
2006-12-21 15:20:19 · answer #2 · answered by BionicNahlege 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The moment he stepped over the line an assulted you is when you should of drawn the line!
MEAN what you say. STICK to what you say. IF hes still living at home with you tell him he changes his attitude or moves out. Its sounds harsh but sometimes its the only way. And when he comes begging you for money SAY NO.
Contact a support group and get some help for your son. If he wont listen then get some help and support for yourself. Meet other mothers in the same situation as you.
Go to ukuk.com and have a look at some topics there and click on the support group that best suits you.
2006-12-21 17:28:44 · answer #3 · answered by Mystic Magic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it seems like you have already crossed the line. Some people will tell you to kick him out, and cut him off, but if you really love him this will only make things worse for him, and make you feel bad. You need to get him help, such as counseling, for his drinking and for his other problems. You also need to get him to admit that there is a problem. You could try having an intervention, or just talking to him. Tell him he is hurting you, and how he is doing it. If he cares about you he will listen and seek help. If this doesn't work then you may have to completely cut him off, but this is only a last resort. Just remember that you can only do so much, and as long as you try to help, thats all you can do. Don't let him ruin your life.
2006-12-21 15:09:24 · answer #4 · answered by kingpenguin_2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to draw the line now.
Both of you need help to get through this. He needs help with his obvious drink and violent behaviour problems.
You need someone to support you. The good news is that there are support organisations out there to help you and your son.
Al-Anon/Al-Ateen is good, Families anonymous is good as is Addaction etc etc.
Call Drinkline on 0800 917 8282 (free phone). Explain the problem to them and they will give you some referrals to National and local organisations.
Act now before his violence really gets out of hand.
2006-12-21 15:23:55 · answer #5 · answered by Nutcracker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'Stop, playing his game. He's your son this does not mean you should be disrespected every time he feels like it. He's only apologizing, because you keep accepting it. Seems to me... you accepting it, is more of a waste of his time.and only allows him to keep dishing it out.. What is he really apologizing for ? Or is he just saying the words. Stand up for your self grab the bull by the horn... Tell him no more apologies if he's not trying to refrain from his behavior. And no entry into your home if he's intoxicated....Sounds like he needs some anger management classes.
2006-12-21 15:17:24 · answer #6 · answered by Honey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be strong, be consistent and look after yourself. You shouldn't have to live in fear of your Son. Don't let him think that your forgiveness is eternal. Because it will wear you down - so much so that the love you obviously have for your Son right now will be worn down to resentment and fear.
How about speaking to Al-Anon, for help and advice for families of alcoholics.... you need support to get through this just as much as your son does.
Please take care, and stay safe.
2006-12-21 15:27:24 · answer #7 · answered by Jane B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Presumably no Dad around to kick some sense into him? You must steel yourself to the realisation that he's a no-good sponger and it's about time he started fending for himself in the great big world, where people other than his Mum won't stand for his rotten behaviour. Get rid of him, and quickly!
2006-12-21 15:08:43 · answer #8 · answered by artleyb 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is right to keep on loving.
But loving does not mean that you have to be abused
Tell him that when he is sober.....and warn him that you WILL take action.
The alternative is that one day the police probably WILL and it will be far worse.
He needs help.
You may well benefit from contacting Al-anon who give support to victims of alcohol abusers.
2006-12-21 16:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by alan h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You draw the line any time you want to
2006-12-21 16:19:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋