Whenever I disagree with him he pouts,and tells me I will not listen,its because I do not agree with his dicissions.this is a joint relationship not one way his way,If I say something in a way he does not like he will shut me out for days and weeks on end.It feels so abusive,I cant take the rejection much more.Any advice.
2006-12-21 06:32:01 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He also will not get me medical coverage from his job.I am unable to work as I have a child with disabilities,and I have a heart problem.I bought cheap medical coverage and he was outraged,but i cancelled it as it did not cover anything.So he told me you made that choice,he is very passive aggressive he will never be frank with me.He is now threatning to leave,I have no money,no job and a child with severe disabilities.I want to work believe me but there is no one to care for her.
2006-12-21 08:03:56 · update #1
My marriage was like this but because we both wanted to control things. We talked and decided that just because we disagree does not make the other person wrong. Both of you need to feel comfortable with your opinions and be confident in realizing there is always another way of seeing things. Then when it is time to find a solution you have to accept that both ways can not be done. Try one person's way and if it does not work try the other way sometimes you will find neither way works and need something else all together. Stop arguing with him completely over which way something should be seen. Say what you think and be comfortable with what you think. Listen to what he thinks and stop feeling threatened by your differences. This will keep him from feeling attacked by you and decrease him shutting you out. We all look at life from our own window of values and experiences. It is unrealistic to expect the same view of the same world from different windows. Embrace his difference of opinion and move on quickly. Do not get upset he sees things differently and once you've said what you think go on to something else all together. IF he still after time is unwilling to go with the flow then you have to decide if lack of mutual effort is something you are willing to deal with. If it is not, then you will have to move on.
2006-12-21 07:16:23 · answer #1 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can say to make you feel better, is that I go through that a lot. My husband expects my Christmas bonus from work to be used on filling in his wage gaps. Marriage is all about a partnership, but I am also not stupid to not realize that he is the man, and has to contribute. He has never paid for my share, ever. For years I have had to do it for him. Because of the field he is in, when it rains, his job doesn't have work for him. He does manage to get side jobs, and contributes to our household a limit which he sets himself and has nothing to do what "half" really is. He expects me to figure out how to pay the other things. I left him for a month, he swore he was sorry and I took him back. Now this is happening again. Sometimes the only solution is to split up. It's hard to face it but when one just can't break the abuse, what other option does one have?
2006-12-21 06:44:37 · answer #2 · answered by E! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Run far away and file for a divorce. Don't let years pass you by like I did. The beginning of my marriage was like that, only I was too naive to see it because I was so young. We had children almost right away, two of them. Then I went to college and got a good job and he completely went haywire. He actually would physically assault me when he saw that I was happy or having success and that my life did not depend on his words. He became worse and worse, and finally I had enough. I kicked his caveman bum to the curb and told him to take that crap to some other place where it will be accepted because it certainly is not accepted in this country.
2006-12-21 06:38:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
might work with some counciling if he was willing, tell him how u feel, he wants to be in control of everything, because he doesn't know how to problem solve, doesn't know how to negotiate, in a healthy relationship, each partner has a commitment to care about the other partner and themselves. relationships work only if there is mutual respect and comprimise by both, instead of a one way accommodation. he has to respect your opinions also, he needs to allow u to have a say without getting mad and shutting u down, because this will only lead to resentment, and later divorce, if u don't get a handle on it now.
2006-12-21 07:08:16 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you mean by control.
Do you simply disagree on how to do things, like you want to spend everything and go into debt and he wants to save 20% of what you make and owe nothing.
If it's something like that, that is not control, it's a difference of opinion. You wanting him to see your POV is no different from him wanting to see your POV.
Control is when he does things like take away your car keys, and keeps you from having any money, etc.
It could be that he doesn't believe you are listening.
Given the words you've mentioned and the lack of any real examples of control, other than choosing his own behavior, it doesn't sound like a control issue as much as a power issue, or a communications issue.
Perhaps he shuts you out because he's said his peace on a topic and you keep on at it, and he has hear NO acknowlegement of how he thinks or believes regarding a topic.
You don't have to agree with him, but you should try to understand how he arrived at his opinion.
That's most likely what he means by you don't listen. I suspect you'll "hear" him and say, "Yes but,..." and go on with your own views.
So control what you can control, yourself, how you communicate and your acknowledgment and validation of his point of view.
2006-12-21 06:42:52 · answer #5 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
DISCLAIMER: TRY THIS ONLY AFTER YOU HAVE IMPLIMENTED ALL OTHER NECESSARY FORMS OF COMMUNICATION FIRST!!!
You can do either one of two things: Piss or get off the potty. When he starts in on his pouting and whining, let em! If he shuts you out for days or weeks, consider it a blessing. Continue to go on with your life without a hitch, try as hard as possible to ignore this infantile behavior and not to feed into it. Once he sees that your not going to be effected by his behavior, he'll catch on and realize the only one he's hurting is himself. He is trying to punish you for not agreeing with him, and all you need to do is turn the tables on him. OR. Leave.
2006-12-21 06:48:00 · answer #6 · answered by frigidx 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you like reading I would recommend the book Emotional Blackmail from Dr. Susan Forward & Donna Frazier.
It will reveal possible sources of his and your behaviour and give you strategies to break the mental patterns you both are facing.
2006-12-21 06:52:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, why did you marry him? (PLEASE don't tell me that he wasn't like this when you dated, it just started after marriage!) This is a bad situation and I guess it comes down to how serious you were when you swore an oath to be with him until death parts you. I don't think anyone should have to put up with this kind of emotional abuse. But people owe it to themselves to get to REALLY know the person they think they want to marry before it's too late. I am not one of the MANY, MANY people who look at divorce as pretty much just another break-up. I wish you luck.
2006-12-21 06:38:51 · answer #8 · answered by The Mama 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Warn Him, that you will leave him, and if he still dosent listen get out, he needs to listen to your points of view, and show respect, a relationship is a two way thing, Get yourself a real man like like ME not a Child lol.........
2006-12-21 06:38:21 · answer #9 · answered by yamahaqi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow up or get out.Is he a man or a little child.Once a man controls the isssues it only gets worse.Find yourself a real man.
2006-12-21 06:35:47 · answer #10 · answered by llgarrett69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋