but I cannot help but be a little effected by it now. We once had a conversasion about not enjoying porn, how it is degrading and how it's a form of cheating if the other does not agree to it. Well he knows I don't approve of it so he lied to me about not looking at it. I then found his porn searches. I confronted him and he swears he doesn't need it and that our relationship is worth more. But he's lied to me about it in the past. I can't help but feel a little hurt by it still. I know I should be over it but I can't help but feel hurt. How do I get over this?
2006-12-21 06:28:10 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Porn to some guys is like the air that they breathe, even if he does not look at it in the house he will always look at it somewhere else. He is not cheating on you for doing so. Mostly everyone one looks at porn but it does not necessarily mean that you want to have intercourse with those people in real life, it is more of a fantasy issue. It is better if he looks at it then actually go outside and cheat on you. It is inside of a men's genes to look at porn, and the only person that you will not have a problem with is a guy that never owned a sex tape, which means that he is really not into this sort of things, but it is going to be very difficult for you to get him to stop, because even if he stops now 3 years from now he might still get the urge to look at it, and the more you tell him not to do it, the more he will feel tempted to do so. So don't worry about the small stuff, some women would like to have a man that simply looks at porn and not actually cheating on them, so as long as he find your body attractive, don't sweat it.
2006-12-21 06:58:14 · answer #1 · answered by Halal Pig Ok in Islam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to minimize what he did or make excuses for him, but I think you are taking this to hard. There are a ton of things in a relationship to worry about other then www.xxxblahblah. Whether or not it is degrading is a matter of opinion, just ask Jenna Jamison who makes $13 million per year.
Even though you two had an agreement, it is kinda childish and I know there are people that are addicted to porn, but part of being an adult is communication. I know that if my girl was looking at it, I would rather know then not know. Even if it is something I hated. Believe it or not, certain things you don't know about can hurt you, I would put porn in that category. I am not encouraging you to like it, but find out how he real feels about it as he probrably sacrificed his enjoyment for it just to please you. Maybe that is where he gets new ideas on how to please you. It can be an embarrasing subject to discuss for the both of you.
I wise women once told me, "Independance is not your to give or take away, so don't let anyone give or take away yours." My point, you tell him no porn today, next may be no more watching football, or who he can hang out with. It is entertainment for adults, thats it.
We spent out entire childhood being told by a parent of guardian what we can and can't do, then we grow up and find a second coming of our parents. Reason why I am happily divorced is because it is hard to find a women that is not comfortable with just being my girl, they always want to be my new mom. Realistic question, have you become his????
2006-12-21 14:47:22 · answer #2 · answered by BionicNahlege 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be long and im going to be candid with you. ALL MEN look at porn, some just more then others. When they need a "quck fix" that's what they do. I would be mad about him lying for sure, but, he was most likely doing it because he didn't want to fight with you. You have to see it as, as long as it's not effecting your relationship or sex life, it is harmless. If he is obsessed and looking at it every day, and not having sex with you. There is a problem. Men will always be curious to look at other women. Would you rather him cheat on you? or look at porn sometimes? it doesn't mean he doesn't think your sexy, it means its just naked chicks. I know it makes you feel bad, trust me, i used to cry if I found an FHM or MAXIM magazine is his room. I was very insecure for a long time. You should know your beautiful and sexy in your own way. Screw those fake porn stars. If he is not complimenting you and you feel like he doesn't find you attractive, talk to him about it. He shouldnt lie but they again, many men do. You'll be okay hun. Just talk to him and find out. Maybe try some new things to take his mind off porn, send him dirty text messages, dirty pictures to his cell phone. What I even do is, I take dirty pics of myself and give them to him to add to his computer. Kind of like im his little porn star :)
best of luck and trust me, i understand
2006-12-21 14:33:55 · answer #3 · answered by AnnaG 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will get over it. For me it took maybe a year or so. It really is just movies or pictures. If there is no real interaction and it is only for entertainment just try to see it for what it is. You have so much more to offer someone when you lose the hang-ups. Self confidence is a very sexy asset in a relationship. If you think about it and it bugs you, try to change your thinking by reminding yourself that it isn't "real", it is like any other magazine or movie with beautiful people in made up scenarios. In time you will be in a place where he does not feel like he needs to hide it from you to avoid hurting you. Take care.
2006-12-21 14:33:49 · answer #4 · answered by Chloe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would irk me too, especially if you have a conversation about it and he seemed to be on the same page as you do.
Bottom line is, he'll look again even if he swears he won't. A lot of men can't help this - porn is thrown in our faces a lot and it's like a train wreck, you gotta look. But, if he can't be open with you about it and you can't accept that he will look at it sometimes, then future arguments about this are inevitable.
2006-12-21 14:31:41 · answer #5 · answered by Rach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OFF HIS BACK.. Let him look at all the porn he wants... Looking at porn is not "cheating" ...where did you come up with such a silly idea? If he looks at enough porn he will burn out on it and maybe pay some attention to you if you will just stop freaking out and nagging him about it.
2006-12-21 14:41:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's frustrating, but I think you need to get over it. Most men look at porn, masturbate, whatever...
It's not cheating. If you create an environment where he feels like he can tell you about it without you getting all upset, he would probably be more honest with you.
2006-12-21 14:30:32 · answer #7 · answered by jframeisu 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it kinda bothers me to,. my bf likes the ladies straight up but i makes you wonder if its you hes thinking about in sack rught, same here, but dont stress over it to much, the phase will pass unless hes a perve then im sorry sweety hes still gonna check out the porn
2006-12-21 14:45:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know you feel the porn isssue is bad cause you don,t like so why not try to do role plays in the room or talk dirty to him and then you can feel a little better in knowing he shouldn,t do it again.
2006-12-21 14:32:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
99% of men will look at porn every chance they get....if you can't get over that you will end up living a very lonely life
2006-12-21 14:31:04 · answer #10 · answered by besthusbandever 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋